Widowhood.

Frequently

Hello GN's. Any of you ladies (or gents) still reading this thread?

Quick update on my IT course. Attended two classes so far. Learning a little (think I may have to enrol for another course when this one ends) but I am thoroughly enjoying the social aspect of mixing with others in the same IT novice boat as me!

I would like to ask if any widowed posters experience an overwhelming feeling of sadness when you least expect it?

Falconbird that is some going by todays length of how marriages last..well done for the 44 yrs you managed, we would have managed 35 Jan just gone, together for 40, and 20 yr age gap (so I must have been doing something right)!

yes you too grandmac

Just had the 10th anniversary (last week). Next week is our wedding anniversary which because of delay due to snow was also the day of the burial. It is still hard on these anniversaries although my children try to make sure I'm not alone. What breaks my heart is that he only saw the first of our 5 gorgeous grandchildren for a few months. One of our last memories of him is the beautiful smile he gave our granddaughter, and her smile back to him as she suddenly recognised him in his hospital bed.

I think the only way through the awful grief process is to do it your way. Weep when you want to, talk about them often and tell your grandchildren how wonderful he/she was.

Hope you all find comfort and peace.

Would have been married 47 years today. I can't remember the last two anniversaries without him because I was still frozen.

Trying to remember that we did have 44 years together.

Love to all widows

biker

Must remember to have plumbers number on standby not bought the taps yet, but on my list of things to do by all.

I agree with nannieroz - impressive work biker you are an inspiration !!

time will tell nannie time will tell ....

WOW biker I'm really impressed with your DIY skills. Well done you. I am such a wimp about these things.

aw durhamjen bless her ..
and thanks for the info, I would much rather go and learn something on a computer or similar course then have to deliver leaflets for miles and miles to reach a quota(which I am sure they will have me doing, seeing as though I left school with no qualifications as I was one of those who wasn't thought to be "clever" enough to "stay on" so went straight into work.
I hope the benches are soon returned, but if not maybe you could enquire as to where they have gone!

Nellie good luck (we will be able to all come and ask you how to fix comp, once you have done yours courses) you can do it girl!

Last week one of the radiators stopped working (it was the one in DH bedroom)! I bled the radiator etc but nope nothing, tried topping boiler up but nope..so googled it and it was my TVC (thermostatic valve control) sounds good doesn't it! I followed instructions and unscrewed something (expecting water to shoot out into the air) but no the valve popped off, I squirted some WD40 on , screwed it back up and hey presto!! one working radiator, which prob would have cost me £50 call out before any work done.
Also my taps are broken in the kitchen apparently these are Monoblock mixer taps, so I have found some very similar, I just need the flexi pipes to go with them I sound like I know what I'm talking about don't I) cough), and then "watch this space" I shall let you know about my progress

Biker, my sister has to sign on again, even though she's going to get her pension in March 2016. She's signed up for a computer course, and can still get her JSA.

Biker, my grandson is nearly 13, and I teach him three days a week, so I have got used to it in a way. We have so many seats for Grandad, and he can't be at them all, can he? Of course he can.
Last week we went to plant snowdrops at Wallington. We walked round the walled garden looking for the seat where the grandchildren and our son sat with Grandad. They have a photo framed of it. The seat wasn't there, but neither were any others in that part of the garden, so we can only assume they have taken them to be restored over the winter. We're hoping they'll have put it back next time we go.

Hoping to deflect my mother in law from her ramblings last week, I told her that we had been to Wallington to plant snowdrops. She said that she would have to ask her Mam and Dad to take her there again.

Just had a thought biker would it be possible for the job centre to find you a course then you could continue to claim your jsa?

Thanks biker. My techy course is for 2 hours a week over 5 weeks. I suspect I may have to take more than one course. However, I will "go for it" and at least it will get me out of the house. (Wish I had paid more attention when DH fixed things for me)

nannierroz111 you go for it girl I have been looking at courses over the weekend, similar to yours, think one was a years course, but they are a bit pricey for me at the mo, plus apparently if I am on a course then I am not "available" for work in July..so I will have to put that on the backburner at the moment until I know whats what.
durhamjem children are so innocent arn't they, what can we say when they ask things like that..and of course Granddad will be watching won't he...if only it was so simple for us, my GS keeps saying "I wish granddad was still here" he's 8.

I was watching something on television last night, and laughed out loud at it, then realised there was nobody else laughing with me.

Then I watched Call the Midwife. My husband had been diabetic, giving himself injections from 1957. There were bits in it that didn't seem realistic to me, but I could not ask him. The girl would not have been able to speak intelligibly for a start. I remember him having to test his urine like that, and boiling up glass syringes that he kept in a tin.

My grandson is going to buy some more snowdrops this week to plant with the ones that his grandad planted four years ago in the rockery.
"Grandad would like that, wouldn't he? Do you think he'll be watching?"

I went to the home where my mother-in-law is, last Friday. She's been in hospital for over a week. I spent an hour pushing her round in a wheelchair looking for people who had just left. They'd been sitting there before I arrived, I must have just missed them. This included my husband. All the other people she was looking for were dead, too.

Same here except it was two tiny clumps of snowdrops that set me off. They had been one big clump last year and DH split them. Also, so frustrated with techy problems I have enrolled for an Operational I.T. class. It starts this week. Do hope it's not over my head.

in that order

Yes - it's soooo tough. I think this is a long road for us all. I think the goodish times, really sad times is something to do with the healing process but it can be really emotionally exhausting when the sad times come.

I haven't cried for awhile but feel I need to. Crying is a great healer and washes away some of the pain.

So sorry about the bulbs. With me it's having a problem with the computer. I turn sideways and almost call out to him for help .....then I realise he's gone.

He would have been proud, amazed actually) of the way I've solved a lot of tecky problems.

Falconbird I can empathise your words exactly, I was proud of myself for not crying 2 days last week (I thought a step forward)! but then Friday morning I looked out and saw two little shoots of some bulbs we planted when we first moved into this house 14 yrs ago,and just thought Dh will never see his lovely garden again, and that was it set me off once again But today is a new day so......

Hi falconbird. How's your day going so far? Whatever you're doing, hope you are calm and peaceful.

Thanks nannieroz111. I'm an impatient person in some ways and just wish I could stay on an even keel, but It doesn't work like that. However the dips do become easier to cope with as times goes by and they do come less frequently.

My old mum always used to say I found it difficult to wait for things

Know just what you mean. I would love to say something to help lift your spirits......... Small steps falcon

I think the most exhausting thing about being a widow is the way you can have days, weeks of feeling not too bad, accepting the situation, carrying on quite well and then the grief comes back. Sometimes it is overwhelming and sometimes just a feeling of being very vulnerable and sad.

I know it's a long process but it's living an emotional roller coaster.