Widowhood.

My husband died of a heart attack when I was 43 and he was 45. That was 20 years ago. It was hard - four children aged 15-5, and no money! But the worse thing was that I didn't know who I was (I'd been with him Since I was 19 - so all my adult life - he was the other half of me). I missed him so much, still do. I made a lot of mistakes on my journey to find out who I was, and it took me about 4 years.

But I'm still here, and have a lovely life. No grandchildren as yet, but I have recently retired and got myself the most gorgeous puppy, who is much adored! (My grandchild substitute!)

I have a lot of good friends, just about all of whom are single too! And we help each other out, go on trips, holidays together.

But I still miss him. Sometimes it takes me by surprise and completely overwhelms me for a few hours. I have lovely memories though.

lol durhamjem

A long way to go to do linedancing with my aunt and uncle, biker.

Hi Durhamjen I am in North Lancashire. The older GS whos 8 remembers,,,in fact he has chatted about him a lot recently ( I manage not to cry most of the time) when hes talking about granddad and eating his liquorice allsorts! and how grandads big photo which dd has up, grandad keeps watching him he says lol.

No, stay with us all Falconbird, we are like family

Went to Beamish today with my grandson to take the tinsel off my husband's seat. The workers there were taking down the lights. They reckon it takes them three months to put them all up, and three weeks to take them down again. Hope they are not superstitious.

Biker, where do you live? My aunt goes linedancing with her brother and his wife. They live in Berkshire.

So sorry for you, biker. At least my grandchildren will all remember their grandad, even the youngest who was only four when he died.

Just to say thanks to all.

Gransnet got me through a difficult Christmas. It's so great to be able to be open and honest and have such wonderful support. Friends and family are wonderful but on here I could be much more honest.

I was wondering if it would be a good idea to set up a separate section for Widows?

for you all.

That's it exactly - no-one to do nothing with. I miss my DH when Neighbours is on TV.

We used to sit there together very happy, content and getting on a bit.

I remember looking at him (he was so ill) and thinking not much longer. I was so scared, still am without him.

durhamjen as a bit similar to you....dh was sat on sofa after dd just having left (she was expecting at that time) as she went out the door dh said to me "I'm never going to see this baby am I" ? he then got up and slowly made his way to his stairlift and said "I think its time I went"! he went upstairs and remained in bed for a week until he died.

DotHM55 hello and welcome

A friend of mine who was widowed recently put it well I think. She said 'I have lots of family and friends to do things with but no one to do nothing with'.

I was widowed when I was 43 when my husband had a heart attack at the age of 46. We had been together 24 years and I found it very hard to manage without him there with me.
16 years on and I still miss him very much - I moved from North Wales to Dover the year after he died as my daughter had found a job here. Since then she has moved out with her partner and I have three lovely grandchildren who I see daily during school terms as I do the afternoon school run and give them their tea.
I recently took early retirement but am still looking to work part time but it is very hard to find a job that fits around the school run!
It is having no-one to chat to about the mundane things in life I miss most - when the grandchildren have gone home and I make a cup of tea it would be lovely to have someone to talk over the day with.

durhamjen that is so sad

It's my mother-in-law's 93rd birthday today.
We had her 90th birthday in this house. My husband went to bed half way through it and never got out of it again. He died three weeks later.

Love to you all . Outstanding brave ladies

Oh, my friends - love to you all, and thank you for reminding us to be thankful. xx

ok well...suppose I will switch off...goodnight all..

Agreed! Having no one to cook for makes it a chore, rather than a delight!
Watching Nebuchadnezzar now!

annsixty that is so good your dh loves his food, it is so much better when you see them tucking into it and makes it worthwile cooking.

To all of you Whilst I am not in your situation I am slowly losing my DH to Alzhheimers but I still have him he is a presence in my everyday life and as he loves his food he is a pleasure to cook for AND eat with which is so important. I send you my very best wishes for next year may it bring some comfort.

evening Galen you may have snook off already Im in bed laptop on knee, just mooching till my eyes tire (not had any ) was tempted but had a bit of trifle late on and wasn't sure if it would mix, will hang around a little while see if anyone pops in (GN I mean not the house).

Coping! Drinking! Had a visit from 'her next door'�� checking I was ok!
Going to bed soon. The only interesting programme I could find (about the Mayan 'red queen' ) finishes soon, them I'm up to bed!

anyone about? just wondering how your all getting on with the evening .

Love and hugs from me to all of you too This thread makes my eyes leak too.

No one, other than those that have been widowed seem to realise that you paint a smile on your face, go through the motions of being 'normal', but inside you are frightened of the future, the emptiness, the yearning, the anger and grief.
I can't imagine ever feeling truly ok again, how can I when the man I loved us no longer here? It will be 2 years for me in April, I can honestly say, I don't like this new life I have been forced to live. Yes, I am lucky with dc and dgc but this is not what I would have chosen. Sometimes I want to end it, my family stop me, and most of the time I feel like I am wading through treacle just to get another day over. I do hooe that one day I will wake up and feel more 'normal' until that day I will just keep treading through the treacle.
love and hugs to everyone, I hope 2015 is a better year for us all. It is so goid to have gn to vent our true feelings on, when in the real world we try to make sure everyone else is ok, and that we are 'fine'. Xxx

So true Falconbird. At just over a year I am beginning to realise that I will never go back to the life I had nor will I be the person I was. Trouble is I don't yet have much idea who I am so still feel unmoored. I am determined to be positive but some days it's a struggle.It does help to be aware of others in the same situation. And Rascal it's consoling to hear that there is hope, thank you all for your support.