Widowhood.

annsixty what a lovely neighbour you are! Your concern and willingness to help is such a rare thing these days. I too have lovely neighbours/friends close by. My DH died last Oct too. He was ill for 7 weeks. We knew he was very sick but did not expect him to die. He died of hospital acquired infection and I am having great difficulty dealing with that knowledge. I suspect I have some sort of post traumatic problem. It sounds like your neighbour is probably suffering the same fate. Perhaps you might suggest some grief counselling?

Yes keeping busy is definitely the answer. Only problem is we can't be busy all the time. Don't worry about not being bothered, it's all part of the grieving process.

Going to see the doc tomorrow because I must admit I'm not sure what is normal anymore. I sometimes have a couple of days of the new normal, when I feel quite OKish.

This happened with my widowed mother, eventually a new normal became established and that went on for many years and it was all right and my mum had some happy times and so did I without my dad.

Sorry you were crying in your sleep nannie.

I am impressed thought that you still wear eye make. I used to wear lots but in my 50s it started to give me eye infections.

Reading this thread and nannieroz's post about keeping busy prompts me to put a point which you may help me with.
I have a neighbour who lost her OH of 23 years last Oct, we have got very friendly and I see her once a week. His death came very suddenly,from first symptoms to dying was less than 8 weeks. Now she cannot stay in the house, she has joined things,she visits ,she shops,she eats out on her own, anything to be out. She of course is lucky to have a car and the finance to do these things. She goes to view bungalows although I don't think she intends moving. Is this normal and is she just putting off grieving? I would never say anything, that is not my place but I would like to understand her better.

Yes sewsilver, keeping busy IS the key. Don't give your brain time to think. I'm sure when your home is ready you will be so busy putting it in order it will be a good distraction. My difficulty is getting motivated. I've got a million things I should be doing but I can't be bothered.

I like being in my own home, my own things etc but I miss the companionship of a friendly face. I must have been crying in my sleep as there is mascara all over my pillow this morning.

My PC won't work since I came back. Think there's been a power cut whilst I've been away. DH would have sorted this with no effort at all.

Biker, Falconbird and nannieroz, just thinking how well we're all doing with this life that we wouldn't have chosen. I know just what you mean nannieroz about everything seeming mammoth when you have to do it on your own. Well done Falconbird coming off the diazepam I imagine that's very difficult. Some days sadness just seems overwhelming doesn't it?
I'm lucky in that I have a lot of friends and keep busy but I can't believe how lonely I feel sometimes. I keep telling myself that once I get back into my own home life might look a little brighter. I think it might be about a month from now so fingers crossed.

Hi nannie - glad you had some good times with your siblings. I don't have any brothers or sister and neither did my DH so it makes things a bit lonelier.

I'm struggling with the Tablet. It started well, but now it won't connect to google. It's not a big problem because I bought it for my GS to play games on and keep him away from my Lap top My DH could have solved the problem within seconds.

How are you feeling now that you're back home? I think you're doing really well.

Hi falconbird. Yes I'm back home now. Spending time with siblings and their (grown up) children is such a tonic, but I am back in the real world now. I have such a lot to do I feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start.

How are you getting on with your tablet?

I hope you are over the worst re the diazepam. Even the simplest of things seems mammoth when you have to deal with it entirely on your own.

for you.

Hi Biker, everything you are feeling sounds normal - really awful but normal.

I've had a set back because I was determined to stop taking Diazapam. It's been 8 weeks now and I'm struggling on some days but mostly moving forward. Had an episode of crying last week. I couldn't stop but I think it was natural and normal. Hadn't cried much over the past two years.

I want one of those big foam hands as well.

My kids seem to think I'm some sort of super woman and they get all shifty and nervous if I say I'm sad or struggling.

Sewsilver - good luck with the house and glad your finger is on the mend. I think you're doing great with all the moving. I had to move house twice in 8 months and that was bad enough.

Nannie - I think you've been away - that's really good - let us know how you got on.

Good to see you back on GN sewsilver the thread had gone a little quite lately, think we must all be busy or pre occupied or hampered as with you...hope your recovery is back up to speed asap. bfn take care all goodnight

Hi sewsilver so nice to see you back and that all is well. I'm not at home at present so postings are a little short and sweet (I hope!)

falconbird and bikergran...... keep up the good work.

Hello everybody,I was touched to see that that you had been concerned about me disappearing after my painful finger, it's nice to know I was missed. My finger ended up being so painful that I haven't been able to use my iPad as I seem capable of typing only with that finger. It's recovering now and as you can see I'm back functioning.it ended up being a whole performance with tetanus injections antibiotics and dressings. It does so feel quite scary to deal with on your own.
Biker , nannieroz and Falconbird ,I'm impressed by what all of you are doing! I'm still struggling massively with builders but hoping that about a month from now I can go and live in my own home.it has been truly horrible living in so many different housesthis year and I realise that making a move and doing the house up at this stage was not wise.

Morning Falcon yes I am ok thanks just flagging at the mo after 3 weeks of solid painting getting DDs house ready, they are both at work all day and I am here sat on my !!!! so it has kept me really busy,and have just flopped into bed at night, I must admit I think the way to move forward slightly if that is the right word, is to keep busy, although DH is on my mind 24/7 as with others, keeping busy sort of gets me through the day, but! I still have many days that if I stop and sit down then it all starts again, I had melt down last Friday all because of a piece of carpet!! it seems at the moment I am trying to block everything out rather than trying to cherish the happy times, as if I think of them it makes me cry, I find myself trying not to talk about DH and his photograph will be going away again as it's too painful to keep looking at it, (I got it out when it was his birthday on 18 March and bought a card and flowers, Iv just thrown the flowers away , they were beautiful cream roses and seem to last forever. Its a bit like I am trying to pretend it never happened and he is still here somewhere, I don't know where.

Come the summer months I spend less time on the comp but will still be around to keep in touch with all my GN friends ok well best go and dismantle this wardrobe.......phewwww...bfn

Gagagran thankyou and yes I suppose we all do sound positive at times, Im sure many of us sit at our comps/ipads writing on GN with tears streaming down our faces, but I think what we try to do is try and sound /be positive to support others,and I am going to buy one of thos big foam hands(like they have at football matches) and use it to pat myself on the back lol.. take care all

I think you are both doing really well biker and Falcon! Adjusting to a life alone must be so hard and you both sound so positive and forward looking and I admire that. GN is great for sharing and support so at least you can let off steam about the insensitive remarks from offspring.

I think our children are so used to seeing us as "Mum" who has always nurtured them, copes and gets on with things that they don't realise we need nurturing too!

KBO as Churchill said - and give yourselves a pat on the back if you don't get one elsewhere.

Hiya Biker - I wondered how you were?

Nice to be in touch again. My kids say things like you mention above and it does annoy me but it is a generation thing. I also think they feel indebted to me and that's not a good feeling for them.

My middle son offered to do my coat up for me the other day because I was struggling with the zip. I declined nicely saying maybe in ten years time] I think they're struggling to know how to be around me and I'm the same around them.

Hope you're feeling OK these days?

Falcon I have just popped on and read "what you have achieved" on another thread,since your dear DH passed away, wow! girl! you really should be proud of yourself and so should all your family! as for being treat like an old bat (sorry) I think it is a youngsters thing, they think as we are of an age where our brain cells and achievements have diminished, and sometimes (although not over the last 10 mnths) DDs have made odd little remarks (like say, if I have told them something twice and repeated myself) I am on my way to being ga ga lol..all I can say is onwards and upwards (just wait until they hear your off to Llandudno in your night attire)!!! they will think you are well and truly on your way then lol lol.....

No I haven't heard anything. It must be difficult hurting yourself when you're on your own. I have a few friends who are widowed and divorced and have learned to manage very well - but I do worry about things like that.

Has anyone heard how sewsilver's finger is? I can't remember seeing any postings from her since she told us about her accident with the gate.

Good morning All...... for some reason I had difficulty signing in this morning. Think my Tablet was throwing a wobbly. It's probably tired as it's never been used so much since I joined GNet.

Hope you all have a nice Tuesday.

I like the bunnies too

Hi Biker and Nannie - glad you liked my angels post. It was a strange encounter because it's so unlikely that a group of young chaps would be walking about looking for someone to give a bunch of flowers to. The flowers were small tiger lilies, not the big white ones. (Love tiger lilies).

I'm doing great with the Tablet - it's connected and working - way to go yet. My DH would have been impressed and amazed because he was the IT guy.

Love the new bunnie icons.

Good luck with your new fangled gadgets everyone, just persevere and ask for help if needed, would love a tablet, but then I would sit in bed rambling on GN all night ! I can sit in bed with the laptop, but not quite the same as a neat little tablet.......bfn everyone zzzzzzzzzzz

Falconbird, looking forward to your postings from your new Tablet. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do mine. I guess we just have to get used to doing things for ourselves now. I'm hopeless at all the things DH used to do. I miss him so much!

Hi Biker and Nannieroz I've managed to find the right place for the charger and the Tablet is charging up at the moment. It's amazing what we can do when we have to I used to be woman who was hopeless at anything technical.

Hi All........ Just popped in to say I'm running a bit behind today but hope everyone is well. Falconbird, it must be difficult without the diazepam so keep up the good work. Hope you are enjoying your Tablet. Bikergran's advice about using your other computer to solve problems with your Tablet is spot on. I do it all the time. Love your photos!
Bikergran.......... take it easy for a bit.

Thanks Greenfinch - not too bad. The diazapam withdrawal is a bit tough today but I'm riding it out. Hope you're OK.