living alone

Yes, Mishap, the Italians still run it.

Fascinating that Rossi's is still there - I lived in the area when I was very young (3 - 16) and I am 66 now, so it was while ago - is it still run by Italians or did they sell it on?

Glad that Hadleigh is looking good. That is great to know.

Good to hear news of the old place - thank you.

petra I agree, Southend is probably too far!

You didn't have to PM me, Ethel. You could have put the message on an open forum, I wouldn't have minded. :-)

Hello Mishap. Sadly, the bowling ally burnt down. They have one in the Kursal. You wouldn't recognise the pier head now or the sea front.
I don't know how old you are but in my day, if you bowled all night you got a free breakfast.
It's funny that you should mention music. Southend still has a very vibrant and varied music scene.
As for Hadliegh, it's a bit more than a road junction. They put a huge amount of money in when the Olympics were on. The cycle track was there. Beautiful area.
Rossi's just goes from strength to strength. It is busy all the week and at weekends you would be lucky to get a seat. They have a seating area at the side now. The DGC love their hot chocolate.

Hello petra - Southend was one of my old stamping grounds when I was young. We lived in Hadleigh then and all my music lessons and other activities took place in Southend - how many hours must I have spent on that bus!?

When I was a teenager I worked in the holidays in Rossi's Ice Cream Parlour - I remember the Italian men there pinching my bottom! - is it still there? - Rossi's not my bottom!

Is the bowling alley still there? I am presuming that the pier is.

I have not been back for years, and am reliably informed that Hadleigh, which was a large village when I was small, is now more of a road junction than anything else.

Charley. I think Harrows a bit too far from Southend.:-)

Soontobe. You don't get training as such, but it's a very Indepth interview.
I think that working with old people and supporting adults with learning difficulties went a long way.

All the training in the world can't make up for someone who thinks that you have an ulterior motive for offering help. It is like trying to rescue an animal and being kicked and scratched.

I imagine you get training petra?

petra I will be lovely to you, making you welcome!!!!

I'm a befriender for Age concern. I hope they never send me to someone like Ethel.

I'm afraid there are times when you just can't help some people.

ethel I think you are panicking and I think that is not helping you.

You really need to let someone help - you said you don't want the Macmillan nurses but if you think other people are just being nosy then they would be the best people. Professional, used to dealing with people's problems and anxieties and certainly not there to 'gawp'!

Negativity is not going to help you get better.

I heard that when someone I know came out of hospital after a heart operation my friend (who was her neighbour) went to visit to see if she could do anything, shopping or lifts to hospital. My friend was a very kind person and didn't even tell me that she had done this.
However, I later heard that this woman had been going round a large group of our acquaintances saying that she thought my friend had just wanted to go into her house to be 'nosy'. I was very on behalf of my friend.

My mother was a very angry person and I think Ethel is too. All people react differently to bad times. My DS who is recovering from a big cancer op and extended Chemo went to all appointments including the scary big scanner on his own.

He is much younger than us Grans but I did admire his courage. He said he preferred it on his own and he said he wasn't brave but preferred to go into what he calls his "man cave."

I am very proud of his courage and proud that I helped raise such a brave son. personally I'm not so brave.

I have visited people in hospital, some of them very close to me, when they were being treated for or dying of cancer. I have never gawped. I cannot begin to imagine why anyone would or what on earth they were gawping at.

Crun I think suggesting a "diagnosis" of someone on line is a little unfair.

Oh dear crun. Out of sympathy, I once suggested that someone had OCD and was pilloried by other Gransnetters and the comment was almost instantly deleted. Watch out.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

What went wrong with the ??

Charleygirl. [ flowers]
Sometimes we just have to " get on with it" don't we. Hope it goes well for you and while you may be (literally) on your own I hope you feel that there are always friends here to have a chat to or a giggle.

soontobe [thumbs up emoticon]

soontobe that is a thoughtful and kind post.

ethel I wouldn't think you would want someone living with you if you are not feeling your best.

That is not a good basis for a relationship. Perhaps the person you have in mind will be kind enough to give some practical help eg lifts, without any other commitment, and I hope you would be able to do the same for him if he ever needed help.

Concentrate on getting yourself better, not on a new relationship.

I think I'd be inclined to go on my own, using the taxi option to get home afterwards.

It doesn't always make much difference whether you have people ready to come and help you out, or not.

I remember being in the eye clinic all afternoon, waiting to be seen. No one seemed to notice me or bother about me. I wonder to this day if they had simply forgotten about me. I didn't like to make a fuss. Anyway, the upshot was that I finally left the clinic after about three hours, having finally been seen, with very bleary eyes from the pupil-dilating eye-drops, and making my way home on my bike, which I had parked outside, looking at the world through a very dissorientating blur. I could just about make out when the green man on the crossings were on go. This was after having texted three of them (DH, DS and DD) and hoping for one of them to turn up to pick me up.

I have never forgiven the buggers.

I am hoping that this is the last post that you open ethelbags because it is the same subject disguised everytime.

I have spent all day at a hospital by myself having treatment, being up since 7am and not arriving home until 8.30pm. I live on my own and I work my way around things. I cannot believe that anybody would be so cold and calculating, as others have said, to make a friend, use that person to your own ends and drop him or her when the tasks have been completed.

I agree with so many and I also am bowing out, I do not intend to waste any more time when you really do not care. People on these posts have been so kind to you, giving loads of advice- as I have said before, you need to get a grip.

soontobe, I think your advice to ethel makes a great deal of sense. It's also measured and kind and I'm sure she will appreciate that.