living alone

If you are not a sociable individual and prefer your own company then face the future alone with help only from professionals.
People who you do not need to have any relationship with.
Your hospital who is taking control of your treatment may be able to advice on volunteers who are there to help in situations like this.
My husband is a volunteer for Age UK and is a befriender, he visits men who are on there own mostly with medical problems.

He's 18 in May Mishap. He disrespected me further earlier and snapped a wooden cross necklace in half just because he doesn't believe and he said I should keep things like this in my room. He walked out and has just come back after being dropped off by police for writing F off in snow in town. I've booked to go away tomorrow, I'm away from here and him for a while. I've tried to get him help, he wouldn't work with the counsellor. I've tried to understand but I will not keep being put down day after day. I cannot go on like this, something will have to change once I get back. Maybe he will have to leave permanently. I can do no more and my health is really suffering. He has to take responsibility for himself.

Sorry for this, but I am at the end of my tether.

How old is your son Ruby? - he may just feel frightened and not mature enough to deal with the situation. I'm sorry that things are difficult for you.

rubylady, what you have said is so sad, we love our children unconditionally and its so hurtful when they appear not to love in return.
x

It's not only people who live on their own who can be lonely. I have been more lonely while living with people, ie. my ex husband and now my son. The apple didn't fall far from the tree. I have recently been unable to get my breath and my son will stand and watch me have trouble breathing and then just walk away. I would rather be on my own than have someone stand near me and do nothing to help. How awful is that? How callous can a person be? And I gave birth to this human being.

Never mind summer, bring on him moving out and then I can heal.

Notagran51 I agree up to a point, as Ive said on another thread today, up to a few weeks ago I just lived for my job, my independence 'and it was 'me, me, me'. I never thought I would need anyone else, apart from my family I would resent visitors, although I would be polite, I would wish them gone so I could get on with my life. Now this has changed, I realise no-one can be alone and my friends are either still working, 2 of them disabled so they cannot take me to hospital etc, one of them has taken me a couple of times but shes a bit unwilling, mind shes ill herself so I cant ask her again. My disabled friends phone with support but they cant help physically.
so now I am almost housebound I am lonely, especially this time of year. If I had been older, maybe more friends would be retired.
Bring on the summer weather so I can sit in my garden.

I like living alone, and have so since my youngest child moved out 7 years ago. My elder DD moved back in for a couple of years, and I fond it quite hard, but she needed me at the time, so that was OK.

I have a network of friends, and we all rally round to support each other for hospital visits/admissions, etc.

I have a phone and Skype. My children ring every week, or I ring them.

Life in your own need not be lonely.

Stansgran like you, I also plan ahead, it is not rocket science. Last Wednesday I left the lights on also central heating timed to come on at 5pm and enough food for my cat in case I was kept in overnight. There was also a microwavable meal for me in the fridge but I did not want it. I was discharged much later than I had planned, but no worries, all was sorted.

Underestimate not undermine. iPad interfering moment

Etheltb you undermine others' ability to see the skull beneath the skin. I read your posts out of interest since you write from somewhere in the NE. I feel I have a very clear picture of you.
I have attended hospital on my own many times. I plan ahead having arranged taxi to go ,the taxi booked to take me home(the hospital receptionist will call for you). For a day appointment and if told not to deal with electricity I leave a flask of hot tea and a cold meal in readiness with ,in winter ,the central heating timed to go on,ditto an electric blanket and the house lit up like Blackpool lights. It is not beyond the realms of possibility for you to plan ahead if you don't want outside help.

ethelbags1 As you say you may only be showing one side of yourself therefore any responses are going to be based on what you have written. Posters are not mind readers so have to respond to what they know.

I think we all have to realise that when we ask for advice it will not always be what we want to hear.

I wish you well with your treatment and hope that you will find some companionship that you can accept as friendly and not intrusive.

Ethel - you must tackle this challenge in your own way - lots of posters have given good advice and it is all there for you if you find there is a time when you wish to pick these up.

Good luck with the treatment.

Having read all your comments both helpful and otherwise, I have taken everything on board maybe I am not ready to use that advice yet. I may do when I feel ready.

The upsetting and downright offensive posts have been reported and removed, the senders know who they are and should be ashamed.

I just want to add that when anyone posts a comment of a public site like this they only show once facet of their personality. We are all made up of complex thoughts and ideas, that's why we are all individual therefore when someone makes a comment that gets picked up on and everyone gets angry sending all sorts of negative messages, they are only seeing one side of that person. No-one knows the real me, I am not just the person they see when replying to my comments. I have lots of things going on in my life both good and bad, I just don't post them.
I also find that in typing a comment I don't always put it the way it is meant so that when I read it back after sending it may sound harsh or abrupt but i'm not that good at putting my feelings into words. I was only educated to A level so no degrees like some posters.

Now that really is my last word on the subject of illness, chemo, relationships on these threads.

Another memory tells me that ethel has a difficult relationship with her mother. Perhaps that is why she has put up barriers, as a defence mechanism.
ethel if you don't want a friend then let the professionals help you. Because that is what they are, professional. They are not going to nose or gossip and this is what they deal with every day.

I could be wrong but a distant memory tells me that ethel said that she used to be a nurse.

crun that is exactly the sort of thing that I would do.

By the time we get older we have probably visited a lot of sick people and also lonely and frightened people but in all my time as a nurse and caring for relatives I have never had a one that bit the hand that fed it. Ethelt you are in danger of alienating yourself from every source of help and that is not a good place to be.

I'm in much the same position, I have led a solitary life (Asperger's, I think), but now my health is failing. Apart from anything else, it's put paid to the activities that I filled my time with. Last year when I had my colonoscopy, I was supposed to have someone to babysit me for 24 hours afterwards, but I just told them there was someone, and came home alone.

Nice post jane10.

I think you could jog along quite happily coping with life's ups and downs on your own, content with your nuclear family, then when something like this hits you, you start to wonder if you were right not to let people become closer.
Musing on here, wondering about what to do and expressing thoughts you would not even say to your nearest and dearest.
And likewise, perhaps some posters say things on here that they would not say to your face however exasperated they felt with someone's self-doubts.

Poor ethel. Not everyone finds other people easy. Suddenly having to deal with strangers at such a time of stress could make things 10 times harder. Under these circumstances it's perhaps not surprising that people may come up with ideas or coping strategies that may seem odd to others. Wad ethel thinking aloud when posting? Hoping to have a safe audience? Don't know. I do think she's genuine though

Sorry ladies and gents - I digressed!

A rare occurence, hurrah ;)

Oh yes...I do see what you mean, granjura!

Don't worry, does not bother me in the least. But why not open another thread for Southend reminiscences? Perhaps.

From what, granjura?

Advice has been given, as asked for in the OP, and I don't think ethel has any more to say on the subject.

Are 'we' perhaps digressing here?