Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

Rhinestone funny how we can eat chocolate when we are I'll and not other food
I have always know that drugs are the problem. My S.i.L has smoked Skunk since he was 13yrs old, first thing in the morning till last thing at night! I know that first hand as he !ived in my house for six months with my D. He said to me "D its like you have a glass of wine to relax, I have my joint"
smileless how sad is that; your Son turning and your little GS not knowing it was his GD I had the same thing!
Very sad you are still thinking of leaving the home you !ove, if your NS was definately staying in Oz you could move there, or is that a step too far

I'm glad you're feeling less anxious Rhinestone, it's a horrible feeling isn't it. Well if you're eating chocolate your tummy must be feeling a lot better.

It must be both frightening and upsetting to see your son exhibiting the same behaviour as his father. Our ES's rants I'm afraid are like a red rag to a bull as far I'm concerned. I've always managed to remain calm, well so farbut I've always given him a piece of my mind which is probably why he does his best to avoid me. I just wish he'd go the whole way and move.

We're in the same position Yogagirl, only our ES can make a move toward reconciliation now which is extremely unlikely bearing in mind that when he saw Mr. S. walking our dogs yesterday he promptly turned around and went in the opposite direction. Poor Mr. S., our GS was with him and of course didn't give him a second glance because he doesn't realise he's his grand dad.

Thoughts have returned once again to moving away, far away when Mr. S. retires in 3 years. It just isn't going to be possible to stay here with them being so close. No one wants to be so close to their GC, never knowing from one day to the next if they're going to see them in the knowledge that they have no idea you're their grand parents. We'll never find peace if we stay.

OMG YogagirlNow we are talking a whole different game. Drugs are the culprit and changes their personality. Your ED must be afraid to leave him or is okay with him doing the drugs. I actually feel that this the problem with my ESS. He was in rehab for alcoholism many years ago but will still drink. He smokes marijuana and takes a strong narcotic for pain in his back. And he teaches children.
SmilelessI know what you mean about angry rants as my son has been like that for the last few years. It scares me as his father is like this now and he has become his father. It's very scared to watch. I can't wait for you to relax in Au with your son. You will feel so much better.
Had a thing yesterday with bipolar mom. My therapist asked me if I thought my son had that same disease. It got me thinking.
I am feeling a little less anxious but really not sleeping much. Had a stomach bug all week but back to eating my go to food... chocolate. Have a good day

Yogagirl
Another copy & paste
Thank you Wendysue
I would do anything to have them all back in my life, but it can only come from my EstD now, and that will only be when she is no longer with her nasty husband & his mother.
I watched a programme on brainwashing, it was horrendous, but it did make me think of my EstD. The first thing the lady had to do was cut out her mother that she was very close to. It was a religious cult, she was there for 5yrs! She went back to her mother and I think it took just 6weeks to deprogramme, she then had to get her C back from them, she then sued and got million! It's on Really channel17, think it's Wednesday, I record everything so...
I made the mistake, after 3months of trying to get back with my D&GC in the nicest of ways, of going to court for visitation order to see my GC. In my statement, that he saw, I stated, that in my opinion, he (s.i.L) is a narcissistic paronoid schizophrenic, due to his drugs addiction. So there is no way I will see my EstD&GC whilst she is with him.
My ND showed me an article in a paper, online, about Diane from Blue peter, in the same situation as us and the only reason she went public with her story is because her s.i.L took a restraining order out on her, so she said she needed to clear her name. The s.i.L even moved his girlfriend into their (Diane's D) home and made Diane's D sleep on the settee! Diane's D stayed as s.i.L told her she would loss her C !!

Good evening everyone. I hope you're feeling better Rinestone. Don't know what you meant by asking if you were on the right thread. No, nothing like that in our family, well not until he married her anyway. His angry rants and raves in the beginning took us totally by surprise as he'd never been like that before, never; sadly it doesn't surprise us anymore.

It must be the time of year ladies; Christmas getting ever nearer and it's always such a difficult time of the year. I had exactly the same thought yesterday Yogagirl, another Christmas and it got me wondering what things are going to be like this time next year; well they're going to be the same I expect.

We went out for lunch with friends today and when we got back, sat down and wrapped all the Christmas presents; at last. I've been talking about getting them done for the last 2 weeks and feel much better now they're done. I just can't get into the spirit at all this year and I should be brimming over with it as we'll be spending it on Aus. Their son, his wife and boys are over there too, in Sydney so they're flying out on Dec. 27th. For the last 2 years we've spent Christmas together so on Sunday we're going to them for Christmas dinner and we'll be exchanging and opening pressies.

We fly on Dec. 19th Celeb arriving 10.30pm on the 20th. I'm glad you're enjoying your dance lessons and have a good tutor; how long do you think it'll be before you're partnering a celebrity on 'Strictly'. I bet you're both doing really well and are just kidding is all on here.

Just watching the news, it's awful to see so much flood damage; I hope all of you are un affected.

Have a good evening everyone.

Oh dear. Did I mess up? Is this the right thread or do I need to go back?
Am so confused.

As we are on two threads again, on the same subject, I've copied & paste from the other

So very sad Celebgran I feel your pain as it's the same as mine. I thought this morning that it's now become the norm, fourth Xmas without them :'(
After my two classes today, I'm meeting up with my ND and we are going to the Xmas market on Southend Pier, so that should be !lovely. My ND phoned me yesterday and it was a video call, it was amazing! It was like they were sitting in bed with me, just like my little Laila did every morning when she and her mum, my now EstD, lived with me! :'( :-) :'( :-)

Thank you Yogagirlfor your support.

Oh dear Rhinestone sorry you're not in a good place today . Isnt it strange how birthdays and other important dates all full together Here's some medicine for you well it is Friday

Hi All- I'm not in a good place today. I have been waking up crying and having stomach issues. I'm sure it's nerves. Florida doesn't even sound good to me today. I bought a card to send my son for his birthday on the 20 th. I just wrote in it that I hope he gets everything he wants out of life and signed it that I will always love you. I have to try one more time. As its my ESS 's birthday also on that date my DH said he is not sending a card. I think he is secretly hoping he will call him on his break from teaching. This is a bad month with my father and mother in laws birthdays also. And to make matters worse my father died on the 20 th, the boys birthdays.
I would like to sleep the month away.( how dare my husband sleep when I'm miserable anyways)
*Smileless*I sometimes think my son has a mental illness as his anger, rants and raves are constant now like his father. Might you have someone in the family that he may have inherited a predisposition to? That could play a big part in his actions.
I'm sorry for your physical symptoms as well. It's not fun. As for your son in Au. I know the politics of teaching and it's not fun. Maybe he will come back home. How did he get there in the first place?
Loopylou*This does drain everyone but how does one turn their head off? I wish I could.
Celebgran I live to dance but DH has two left feet and when we took lessons before he had no clue what he learned an hour later. So good for you to go and dance and get your energy elsewhere.
Yogagirl*I read an article which stated that estranged people think not seeing or talking to that person solved the problem but in reality they tend to think of those people more. And I agree.
I just hope we can all get through this holiday season with not more than we an handle.
One day our brats will wake up !

smileless maybe your Son will returned to UK now Hope you are feeling a little happie today
loopylou Thank you for your kind words I really wish I could move on and not think of them all the time, I really do! Into the fourth year now, can't get my mind on anything else, I hate having my mind full of what if's and if only I could go back in time

Morning Ladies
Yes Celebgran that is my baby granddaughter on top of the Xmas tree! My D fiancee is a big joker, funny all the time, well that is his job as an entertainer Try that St.John's Wort to lift your spirits, it really helps me' This time of year is really tough! I keep thinking about the nativity plays, I would have loved to see my Laila in one and soon Jack too. When I finish my class on Thursday afternoon, all the little 3 & 4 year olds, from the creche, come up into my studio to rehearse their Xmas play' so I dash out quick before thy arrive, as I think I may burst into tears Hope your hair colour turned out nice. I'll be back..........

Lol smilless we are really enjoying it does us so much good coupe
Friends come with us and tutor is excellent!

If he cant teach us no one can!

We started the debate shall we shan't we Xmas card pressy thing and it took our minds right off it all. We are going to go silent as advised by bel as our good friend said last weekend it does t mean we have to ignore them every Xmas just this once protect ourselves from the hurt of being ignored.

what date do you fly to oz smileless ?

Only 10 lengths today after acquacise due to bit of a natter first !

Glad you're pleased with your hair do Celeb. Well no one turned up for the package so Mr. S. is going to leave it on the door step on his way to work in the morning. We can't get it re directed as it didn't come via the post; thanks for the suggestions loopylou.

Enjoy your curry and dance class, hope you're better at taking Gra's 'lead' than I was of Mr. S..

Loopylou that is so true but sadly I don't think it is possible to tie your emotions up to no longer feel pain and sense loss especially this time of year, if only it was that simple. Thank you for kind word.

They certainly don't deserve the thoughts and a y kindness but where 3 innocent little girls are involved as in our case it is impossible not to feel emotional for me anyway.

Omg smilless what a dille a would be tempted to take it round but is not easy non one wants another upset. Think right idea get it redelivered.

Thanks feeling pampered now with new head highlights, quick rest then off out for curry and dancing class, have good evening all x

I meant using that energy.....oops, sorry!

Does it have a return address? If so, take it to the Post Office, it shouldn't incur postage, or get a friend to deliver it to the correct address?

Perhaps saving some energy for those who really matter in your lives could help...... I do hope so

PS should have said that Mr. S. 'phoned delivery people and they're supposed to be picking it up today. Was out for a couple of hours shopping this morning and no card or anything to say they'd missed me so now I'm just waiting to see of they turn up. If they don't, any suggestions ladies????

Oooh loopylou how strange that you should make that particular post because I think I might be reaching that point.

Yesterday evening a neighbour popped round with a package for ES that had been delivered to her house by mistake. It was an amazon delivery and as Mr. S. gets pretty regular deliveries from them, we think the address wasn't read properly and as the surname's the same the driver assumed it was for us.

She bought it round to us because of course why would she expect us not to be having any contact with him. So there we were faced with a dilemma; neither of us wanted to take it round, even just to leave it on the door step because all we ever get is abuse, either shouted at us in the street or via email. Not knowing what it contained, it could have been expensive, just leaving it on the door step and hoping that we weren't seen so we wouldn't be abused, wasn't really an option.

We knew there was no point in emailing ES that it was here and he could come and collect it because he more than likely wouldn't come anyway. What took me by surprise was my over riding conviction that I don't want to see him at all; I don't want him coming to our home (where he grew up) and bringing with him all his anger, bitterness and as awful as it is to say, his hatred; I just don't want him any where near me.

I've spent so long hoping and praying that he'd come round so we could try and sort things out, that it never occurred to me that if there was ever the smallest or most pathetic excuse to contact him that I wouldn't jump at the chance.

Thank you for your lovely post loopylou and the flowers.

Hope you had a nice relaxing time at the hair dressers Celeb and are pleased with the results. Yes, it's really difficult living so near Rhinestone. A friend in the village saw them walking around with the new baby; I haven't seen that yet but it's going to happen at some point. It'll be good to get to Aus. for Christmas and get a much needed hug from DS.

It's hard getting 'into the spirit' with no decs so I bought 2 little real Christmas trees each with a few decs and lights and put them on the hearth and I've bought down my Disney Christmas house, well it's better than nothing and has cheered me up a little.

So much ongoing turmoil and sadness on here
I wonder at what point you decide that those who are treating you so cruelly no longer deserve your thoughts and emotions? It must be so draining and exhausting.

Hopefully one day those dearly loved grandchildren will seek you out and establish a longed-for relationship.

and (((hugs))) x

Smilless so sorry about your sons job, that seems so unfair. Hope he,gets a other one v soon worry for them having upgraded home.

I amStill fragile.

dr was quite helpful going for knee xray tomorrow. He was bit negative about injections. Explained I am not clinically depressed just sad for obvious reasons miss Tor and little ones and this time of year, asked about cbt a. Going try nhs route he referred me then i got ring them in a Week answer questions ?! If not he knows a lady does privately lot money as I don't actually earn much.

We will see.

Hairdresser this afternoon! All my colours, blond, red, dk brown yippee give me a boost. Then out for curry and dance lesson.

Yogsgirl is their really your grandaughter at top of tree on FB? She is beautiful.

for us all struggling at moment time of year! new babe not seen for smilless big hugs and missing those we would like in our lives.

Me too rhinestone!

Is v hard for smileless being so near.

I am bit nervous over doctor at 6 going ask albeit my knees again.

Need more sedative I think spent all morning trying organise Rosie eye ointment the animed direct would t accept photo I uploaded, new pharmacist, Graham is pharmacist and assured them all necessary Info on there, butntheynwanted address of vets specialist! Omg I almost lost it so then specialist faxed prescription across! Amen.

Smileless the best thing for you is to run away to your DS. That will help tremendously. Last year I had my first anxiety attack in the car going to Florida. Not a pretty site but being away for a long time does help.
Unfortunately you cannot escape what's happening fifteen doors down. It's always there to remind you and pull at your heart.
I feel much empathy for you and wish I could wave my wand and make it all go away for all of us.

Hope you are feeling better today Smilelesss
Glad yo are feeling happier Celebgran and without the antidepressants too! Well done
Sorry no tonight ladies

Well said yogagirl.

I meant actual talking CDs designed to unwind you smileless

Glad you were well enough to go to gym that's good ready for you Xmas goodies

Doctor tomorrow I must not cry again do not want anti depressants.

Oh well beef casserole simmering mashed swede, roasted veg and cabbage not to forget dumplings hope tastes good!

Feed next door cats first [tchmm]