Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

Thank you all for your comments. Celebgran and Luckylegs9 I will write him in a few weeks and just ask if we can start fresh. He does seem very confused. He wants to be a unique individual but doesn't want people who aren't like him in his life. I really hate to say this but he has become my X husband.
He is verbally abusive to us like my X was and still is to him. My X used to throw my son up against the wall with his hand around his throat when he was mad at something he did. It was then that I divorced. And now he has the same behavior. The thing that bothers me for all of us is our children's silence rather than have a conversation. I guess I just deal with things straight on . But in their worlds it's easier to ignore the problem.

Rhinestone that sounds like very angry young man and it is difficult to know where you can go from there.

Take care of each other and pray, do agree with lucky legs is it worth apologising even if you not In wrong?

I sent Tor a card this year saying just to confirm if I upset you in any way I am deeply sorry and it was not my intention. Zero response as always,

Lucky legs that is wise advice, but sadly does t always work, I have written so many sorry cards to Tor our daughter despite not feeling I was in wrong but she had made her decision.

I agree what does pride matter if I could sort things I would do anything within reason.

He sounds a very unhappy young man. The trouble is that so many harsh words have been spoken. I would give him a little time and write to him, I would tell him how much he means to you and you hate seeing him upset, sorry you came over all needy, then leave it up to him. I know people who will never see their children again because of stand offs. At the end of the day,what does pride matter or if you take the blame for done thing you feel is not your fault, you need lines of communication open. I know a lot of people will not agree with me but he is your son and I doubt there is anyone who matters more to you

Celebgran I love the quote.. Just hard to live by . My DH and I went to the other side of our state to see the fall colors. On the way back I said I wanted to stop by my sons. He was not home when we got there but saw him walking down the street on crutches. Nevertheless he was shocked to see us. He exchanged pleasantries with my husband while I stood there not saying a word. He was smirking at us. We asked about his knee and apparently he had a small operation on it. My X husband took him but didn't tell me. I said I wanted to know why we hadn't seen him in almost a year. He said he didn't want to have this conversation. I said it was too bad as we were there now and he never answers texts or his phone to get together. He wouldn't let us go inside his house.
And then the abuse started. It was like the exorcist movie but instead of spewing vomit words were coming out.He is getting people out of his life that don't have the same beliefs as he does. He's getting the dysfunctional people out too. He said my husband and I went off the deep end when my dad and my husbands parents died. That's when my husband walked away and went to the car. He abandoned me and I was not happy.
Said we were materialistic . ( I was a teacher how materialistic could I be?) said I just want him to come down for holidays and that I was wrong for having expectations of him calling me on my birthday. I was defenseless. He kept cutting me off when I tried to speak. All this garbage outside in front of neighbors. And then he said we should have called first before we stopped by. Well he doesn't answer or acknowledge us so how was that going to work.
At least I know now what I'm dealing with.
I had to know. The silence was killing me.
Now if we only knew about the stepson but I'm leaving that to my DH.

Wow smilless make most of it is very chilly here today.

Went dr last evening he says beta blocker caused breathless feeling as slows hear Down, do t like it! He was v kind and thinks should stay on it as slowing Down anxiety a d helpline tension heads. B p was t v good so got keep
Check at home,

Well last night at a friend from folk dancing 70th guess what one of his sons went school with Tor and married to old friend of hers ! They were good friends from primary school. It was quite emotional she came and spoke and we chatted over buffet it really upset me at times talking to her, she not seen Tor for about 5 years she said, but had text after last baby. I didn't want to quiz her, but she was very forthcoming and shocked that Tor could do this to us. I. Some ways it helped what a small world!

That's lovely Celeb and so appropriate.

We've come to the end of our first week of relaxation, laughter and with another two to look forward too. It's so lovely here, very green. They've had a wet summer so it seems to have rained itself out which is good news for us, Louisamay and Rhinestone for when you come.

Hope you're feeling better Rhinestone and that all is well with you Yogagirl.

Have a good day; we're off to Universal Studios ET awaits

Glad you liked it Louisa may just feel is inspiring for posiitkve times ahead.

Wow, what an inspiring quote, Celebgran! Thank you for posting it.

Disappointment is coming, for sure! People are going to hurt you in ways you would never have believed even possible. You are going to be let-down and deeply betrayed. And there is only one thing to do when you are tragically let down — let-go. No matter how wrong they were, holding on will not make it right, it will only eat you alive over time. You are worthy of not reacting negatively to negativity. Don't let them kill you twice. Letting go is the only way. Quit hanging on to the past; fantasizing, dreaming, wishing and replaying it. You can't change it. You just haven't realized it yet, but you have moved on. You are different now; not of the past, but of now — a different person. You don't need whatever the past had — it's gone. Your life is here today. Your greatest moments are ahead of you and are right where you are now, so seize them while you can, before it is too late. Quit the endless worrying about the future. The way you get through life is one day at a time; even one hour at a time or one moment at a time. Start by finding, creating or noticing one good moment. Even in the darkest of times, if you look, you will find one. Being more positive just takes practice. You can retrain your mind to see the best possibilities in everything. A good moment in a bad day counts. Begin with this moment, and make it count.

— Bryant McGill

Great see you post yogagirl we been up on off all night Rosie unsettled so off vets again she got on very well at Cambridge for her eyes yesterday! but bless her long way when she got the anal gland infection , no thank you she does t like 2nd antibiotic despite mixing with food

Back to tidying upstairs still not sorted since new furniture.

smilless dont forget not long since sad 3 year mark so be extra kind to each other, do t wory a. Sure pup is fine.

Going try post posiitve words for us all but bit tricky to paste it

Boheminan "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" hope that cake was a big fat creamy one with a cherry on top
to go with your cake lol
Sorry to hear about your panic attack smileless I hate leaving my little dog, I'm lost without her! God, what a 'to do' at the airport, sounds like your whole family were there
Hi Celebgran I'll pm you & smileless

Hi all. Still coughing, sneezing, and the rest. This usually lasts a long time for me. Ugh!
SMILELESS I'm so happy things worked out for you and your family so you can enjoy Florida. A little Mickey and Minnie cheers everyone up. I can't wait to go in January.
BOHEMIAN I feel your pain. This was the first year that I didn't get a birthday card from my stepson and his family especially the two grandkids. It hurts. I just kept telling myself that he's teaching his kids to ignore problems and he's a coward himself for not telling us what the issue was. I did something for me and if we don't take care of ourselves who will?
So HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many more.

Good to hear from you again boheminan butto know you were ignored on your birthday. Hurts like hell doesn't it but well done for treating yourself to somefor your birthday.

I hope you're not feeling as down as you were but it's difficult to rise above such pain. Yep, we have good days and not so good days but good or bad, this is the place to come and talk.

Hope your DH has found that all info given for your ESTA's is correct Louisamay; what a nightmare.

I should have bought you along with me Celeb, some hot weather and Floridianwould have sorted out your virus; well there's always next time. Hope Rosie is feeling better. Reading your post got me thinking about our little pup so I might 'phone again tomorrow and see how he's doing.

Just got from Animal Kingdom and am re hydrating with a bacardi and coke. Having a great time with our friends and enjoying the lovely weather. Difficult seeing so many 'happy families' especially with little boys about the same age as our GS but hey ho life goes on and it's a great life providing you don't weaken.

Take care everyone.

Bohemian happynbirthdaynfrom me so sorry that is sad for yu I always miss my daughter but feel blessed with wonderful son.

Smilless [sh k] omg from mel. Yum need sun and relaxation nowl
I felt dreadful again yesterday but still had good day and mentally a. I. Good places So sorry youmhadmthat panic attack I only have them now and again now they,are direct result of estrangement in my case.

Steve was given big hug from you! It is priceless for me to spend time with my lovely son.

Rosie doing well now thank goodness more antibiotics tho and back vets again later.

Just managed acquacise and 10 lengths but am bit breathless simce virus.

Should read and should always preview

Go on the birthday thread and everyone will wish you a happy birthday ( belated) I've been there so have[cake][tea]

That's a very sad post boheminan I can't imagine how awful it must be to be ignored by your daughters and grandchildren on your birthday. And how lonely abd hurt you must feel (((hugs)))

Hi Folk. After another absence, I turn again to this thread for the support/help I know (from previous excursions) I will get. I confess I haven't read back on all the posts, but guess for most of us there's Good Days and Not So Good Days.
I feel extremely down at the moment. It's my birthday, and there's been no acknowledgement from any of my daughters or grandchildren - and I hurt so much. I have tried to 'rise above it', look positive, and I took myself off on my own for a cup of coffee and slice of 'birthday cake' and sat with a big stiff smile pasted on my face, 'happy birthday to me' - but the hurt is - well, you know....and there's no one at home to talk to and I need to talk....

OMG (as they say in the States!) Smileless. What a start to your holiday!
DH has just renewed our ESTA's. When I read out your post he was still eating dinner but said he will go up and check the paperwork when he's finished! We are due off in just under 4 weeks.
Have fun and enjoy your break.

PS hope you and Rhinestone are feeling better Celebgran

Good morning fromFlorida. Yes I know it's afternoon for you and Yogagirl Celebgran.

Well, the most unbelievably stressful Sunday and Monday ever. I got in such a state waiting to take our little toy poodle pup to the kennels for the first time on Sunday I ended up having a panic attackfirst one in about 18 months.

Our peke and cats were fine and when the kennel maid came for our pup I started crying. Luckily DH was holding him and passed him over so he couldn't pick up on my stress. Did feel a little better once he'd been handed over but he's so little and nervous and was shaking. 'Phoned the kennels yesterday morning (5.30am USA time) and he's fine; a little timid but OK.

Arrived at check in Monday morning to be told our friend couldn't check in as when her pass port number had been entered on the ESTA application form one of the digits was wrong. We went downstairs to the computers but the officially recognised gov site was down so we went on to another one. 20 minutes and 95$ later we were back at check in to be told the ESTA number was no good as we'd been on a fraudulent site[anger]. Don't know how, don't know what the angel who was checking us in did but she said 'just a minute, I've had an idea' and she got it sorted out: phew.

While we'd been downstairs, unwittingly wasting time and money I looked up and saw my s.i.l., crying and in a terrible state. First thought was OMG somethings happened to DH's mum but no. She and our niece were going to New York for 5 days, couldn't check in because they hadn't applied for their ESTA's; didn't know they needed them. If only she'd mentioned to us where they were going, we'd have said 'don't forget your ESTA's'. DH was putting all her info on the site we didn't know was a fraud while our niece was upstairs on her mobile inputting her info on the official site. The young mad who'd bought her down stairs interrupted DH and told s.i.l. she had to go back upstairs as the check in was closing in 10 minutes; we ran as fast we could. Poor s.i.l. was in such a state and when we got to the check in our niece, in her mid twenties was there, cool as a cucumber. She'd got her's sorted out and then put her mum's details in, result; they got on their flight with no time to spare.

45 minutes before our flight was due to take off, announcement on the speaker that the gate was closingso we set off running again only to find that the gate wasn't closing, it had only just opened[anger].

Arrived at Orlando airport but our friends luggage didn't. They'd checked in their bags but they hadn't put them on the plane as they didn't know if they'd be able to travel and when we got them checked in, forgot to put their bags in the hold[anger]. We were 2 hours at Orlando airport reporting the missing cases and waited until 4.00 pm yesterday to find out they'd arrived and would be bought to our villa; they arrived at 12.50 am.

Now I'm not going to tempt fate but all we want to do now is relax and have some fun.

I agree Celebgran with you. My children always wanted to talk to me the minute I put the phone to my ear but I taught them to learn some patience and wait. I think today's parent does not want to bother to take the time to parent and thus lies the problem. It takes energy to raise children . So many moms and dads are having children later in life that they are exhausted and can't properly parent.

Smileless forgot to say I hugged my dear son from you and told him! He said I dont know that lady but seemed pleased

Is hard chat when his stepsons interrupt Rather a lot I feel at 16 and 14 but maybe that's how kids are nowadays. Maybe i was too strict but I did try teach mine not to do that.

Rhinestone sorry was called away message to say it would be a good idea if a law was passed helping Grandparents indeed also parents to protect them from the cruel sad situation. Of having loving relationships with children severed.

As we have found out it happens an awful lot.

Do hope you feel better soon rhinestone.