Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

Forgot to say smileless hope your nd gets new job soon.

Also would you want go to oz if your moved?

Hard decision we take our pain with us in my opinion.
I also feel and hope and pray for you that surely some hope of reconciliation
However slender.

Good morning all sorry I didn't get on here yesterday.

Some of the unkind posts on alone at Xmas put. ME off somewhat,

Some bad news my dear son and I had awful row New Year's Eve,
We kinda made it up but things he said are ringing in my ears,
Not helped by I NOw feel v I'll with throat virus dh given me
It started with the loan we gave him always have remind him, and his partner puts on FB all they been spending In Sales?So texted him don't forget loan, he rang as we were getting tea together had prepared lovely casserole (May aswell been binned for enjoyment) and he was very hostile.
As usual dh left. E to deal with and in my panic impressed send on text I didn't mean to send saying no preparation had been made for visit etc and boys not even thanked us for gifts.

Meanwhile I did bigger hold by mentioning how he made me cry xmas eve, he reacted well only worried about my knee, so I said well you. Ever bothered to ring whoosh he railed on about his family and I said the boys have a dad oh gosh how could it have developed to that.
Some awful stuff was said he mentioned Tor our ed was not his flesh and blood he didn't feel she was family anymore etc etc.
Omg how we went out we year will never know, but we did my husband took call in end after I hung up and eventually he calmed down,
He sent me text saying they all loved me.
A. Worried as to where all a fee came from and what worry

And strain he must be under.
Sorry this is such long rant.

Our old friends were brilliant new year and we enjoyed it to be honest.

Rang him yesterday he didn't speak long boys were at their dads he did say he loved me.
It was very regrettable.
Smileless dh will never drive there to stay again, and I can't blame him.
Our son is still Wanting us to move nearer
Sorry that will not happen.

Glad you having good time smileless in some ways can see our sons point if we move will see more of him, but we do enjoy good social life, and long term friends hard. If not impossible at our age.
If they ever marry (sons partner not even divorced)or had their own children may rethink but not at moment

Rhinestone sorry you got that worry with your mum.

Yogagirl you so lucky with nd but realise tough on your own. Like us all you will.never be whole again after losing Laila and jack.
We decided New Year's Eve 2016 no more contact or cards or letters or money or vouchers to Tor Mollie Daisy and Lola. It just too distressing to never get response bel mooney was right.

I'll be polite and friendly, but I am not going to be jerked around on a string like that anymore. Some days I'd just like to say "grow up FFS" to her, but I imagine that wouldn't go over well.

Yes, I will send a message occasionally, neutrally, so I don't get accused of being demanding. Like I said, there's always a spin put on things. Previously, if I didn't spend time with her, I was "too wrapped up in the other dcs to notice her" even though she was not living at home, and rarely had time for me anyway. If I then asked her if she wanted to meet for coffee some time, it was "I have to work, I have to do this or that! I can't just drop everything you know just because you want to have coffee."

As to sending your D a HNY message, you must do what your heart tells you. I wasn't going to send a Merry Xmas message to my S, but then did on Xmas morning, just a short paragraph, saying we were having Xmas dinner at his sisters and we wished he would be sitting at the table with us too, and how much I love & miss him as I do Jenni-Ann, Laila & Jack and wish we could be reunited........ I'm glad I sent it, which could lead into another story

yogagirl I've finally got respite sorted, and actually can schedule an hour or two to meet for coffee without children, but while I texted one friend 2 days ago, she's not even bothered answering it. She popped by about 2 months ago and had coffee and brought me a birthday present, so it's not all one sided, and I certainly don't expect her to be at my beck and call, but if I text saying "would you like to meet for coffee sometime in January, I've got respite so we can schedule a child-free morning?" you'd think she could pop back an "oh, let me check when I'm free and we'll organise it" or something.

I've texted dd this morning saying "hope your recovery is going well. Happy New Year." No response yet. I'll leave the ball in her court at this point, it's the first contact I've made since Christmas Eve.

Heavenknows so sorry your D is now back to treating you bad again, as you say, 'can't do any right, for doing wrong!' It does sound like she is jealous of her little brothers and also maybe her C suffers from the same disorder. Can you not get a bit of respite care from SS, even if it was just one afternoon per week, so you can met up with your friends without the C in tow, just one afternoon per week off would make you feel so much happier

Morning Girls
Smilelesss sounds lovely where you are with your NS. It also sounds like you have a good connection with your d.i.l. Where abroad would you move to, if you did ?
I had the same sort of thing thrown at me; I was accused of favouring my GD over my GS, nasty said that I didn't love Jack, my GS [his S], the only person who can say that is me and I love my GS with all of my heart and soul, I write this to Jack in his cards, to make sure he knows that I really do love him, always have, always will! I'm sure nasty will tell Jack I don't, why would I not? nasty has said it's because Jack reminds me of him, but I had no problem with nasty till he cut me out. When this was first put to me by my own Son, he actually said I was viceful as I loved Laila more than Jack! I stopped and took a look at myself and had to admit I did have a special bond with Laila, she lived with me before and after she was born, I chose her name, and she was named after me, her middle and last names, but I still love Jack just as much, his my GS! I watched both of them being born, was the second and then the third respectively, to hold them in my arms, I loved them from the first moment they were both born. This all stems from nasty perceiving that Laila [not nasty's child] was getting more love and attention from us than his Son, and he wasn't having it, so he cut all of Laila's family out, but this didn't just rob Laila, it robbed Jack too, of all that love from his maternal GM, auntie and all his maternal family

It probably doesn't help that all my friendships lately seem to be falling apart - I've still got two young children at home, both with disabilities/SNs and that of course impacts on my time as one is home educated as he can't cope in mainstream. I literally have no down time without children, and my friends don't want to deal with meeting up with me with a child in tow. I don't understand it at all, as I have a friend that I've had for years that has a son that is disabled and he was a lovely boy that I was happy to see when I saw her.

I think my dd is jealous of the time I obviously need to dedicate to the younger children, as she makes statements that they are badly behaved (they are both autistic and one has ADHD) and she has called me a bad mother because I don't spank them or shout at them or "discipline them properly" in her words. But then, I didn't do that with her either when she was growing up, so not sure what her issue is here. She is super strict with her son (my dgs), which frustrates me but I stay out of it. She moaned about how he didn't listen to her and she is struggling to control him (he is the same age as my ds1, approximately 10) and then the next minute she is saying I'm a terrible mother and that I should be disciplining my children more and that I should parent more the way she does. (which clearly isn't working, based on what she is saying!)

Honestly, you just can't win for losing. I hate to say it, but I was less stressed without the contact, now I feel like every little contact will be a land mine.

Happy New Year to everyone. No further contact from dd, and I can see myself second guessing everything. Do I text her to say HNY? Is she then going to think I'm "bothering" her or will she think I don't care if I don't text her again. I do rather feel that no matter what I do, she will put a negative spin on it. I can't shake this feeling that she was in contact because she was in hospital and needed me, but now that she's recovering, she doesn't "need" me so will again revert back to her former attitude. <sigh>

ESS is estranged step son Grannylynit does get a little confusing sometimes; sometimes our posts look as if they're written in code don't they.

I sat up last night with my lovely d.i.l. and we had a heart to heart about life in general with a mention of the inevitable. She told me that from what she can gather from DS, ES believes we were no longer interested in him once our GC was born. Well I can't say I was shocked as I've heard that one before. I told her that on one occasion he accused us of not caring about our GC, now that was aand jut goes to show that we can't do right for doing wrong.

It did make me realise we'd done the right thing not making contact when we learned she was pregnant again and when our new little GC was born. I knew any contact would have been misconstrued and we'd have been accused of contacting them just so we could see our new GC. Of course I have no doubt that our failure to do so is being used to illustrate that we don't give a damn and to support his allegation that we've abandoned him.

It's been a wonderful 2 weeks and we only have one left now but it's soooo hot, it's simply draining and I'm beginning to wonder if, when we get home, I'll be able to get through the day without taking a nap. It's a good job we don't live over here a I think we'd sleep our lives away.

Once again thoughts are turning towards moving abroad when Mr. S. retires. He's mentioned a few times about selling up and doing it now but we have to be sensible and do what makes the most sense financially; unless of course I've won the lottery whilst we've been away.

DS seems to be ratherat our plans and whilst being supportive is also putting forward reasons not too. I suspected this is because while we live just down the road from one another he believes there's a possibility of reconciliation but if we were to go abroad there would be every chance we'd never see ES again; our reason for doing it. D.i.l. felt that was behind his point of view too, bless him.

Hope you got the new year off to a good start with that kiss Rhinestone. Interesting point about shoes and probably explains why I have so many. FB can be a right pain can't it. Don't go on myself but Mr. S.does. It's a great way for us to keep up with what DS is doing as lovely d.i.l. is always putting pics on and of course we've been able to share our wonderful time here with family and friends back home.

Hope your new year got off to a good start Celeb and that if you were out dancing your knees are OK.

Have good weekend everyone. We're all going a way for 4 nights on Monday and I'm not sure if I'll have internet connection so if you don't hear from me, don't panic. I wont be lost out in the bush, well, I certainly hope not anyway.

ESS?!

ND: Nice daughter

Sorry for asking a dim question but I cant work out what ND is ? Looked in acronyms...but nothing... currently I'm wondering whether its New Daughter, Next Daughter, Naughty Daughter LOL

help !!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
to all and let's hope 2016 will be a kinder one for us

Hi Wendysue yes I did think that after their birthdays in May, that I might stop with the cards & money in account, as I just feel like I'm 'flogging a dead horse', but then I'm sure that when next Xmas arrives, I will no doubt be doing it all over again ND:- Nice daughter

Your New Year in Oz sounded lovely Smileless and another big hug from your NS, what a lucky girl you are let's hope that luck continues through the whole of 2016

Rhinestone I think we all have a right to feel anger at what our cruel C have done to out families! I said to my ND last night that I will never forgive what my D&S have done, destroyed our once loving and close family! My ND said 'be the bigger person and forgive', I replied; that I want to reconnect and have our loving relationships back, but I can never forgive as I can never forget and my broken heart will never heal fully, even when/if we are all reconciled, the damage is too great!

Have a peaceful New Years Day everyone

Happy New Year. Well we have 45 more minutes and I'm in bed bored with the t.v. and anxious to leave this week. Why do I have so many shoes? Oh yeh. They don't have to go over my hips.
Got mom some antipsychotic meds from the doctor today but I have been so stressed all day with her. Did get some help lined up in case she needs it. Trying to avoid her going into the hospital.
Daughter saw on FB pictures of my ESS and his wife and my ES together today at my ES's an hour away. They had to post it on FB. My daughter would love it if her brother played with her kids too but he doesn't seem interested.
I don't care . I get angry but I do realize they are the losers. Someday the little GS's will know the truth.
I'm happy happy for you Smileless. This is exactly what you needed. Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy!
Well I guess I will get ready to kiss DH at midnight. Let's hope we all have good health first and mended families this year.

Hi everyone. The first day of a new yearI wonder if any of you are still up at 2.00 am celebrating.

Not the best start for you Rhinestone. I do hope that this set back with your mum doesn't interfere with your trip to Florida and that you'll manage to relax and enjoy it. Your poor Hubby. I think it's the silence that's the worst. You have no idea what they're thinking or feeling or what on earth's going on with them. I totally understand your anger. I still feel angry with ES and I think to a certain extent I always will.

It's good to hear from others that this type of situation can be resolved Wendysue and I hope that for you and your D's this coming year strengthens the bonds that you've managed to maintain and I hope that you'll continue to share with us all on here.

I'm glad that you didn't send that email Celeb and I'm sure you're right that simply writing it and getting it out of your system has helped. I still have the letter I wrote to ES several months ago and from time to time re read it. Writing in in the first place really did help me and being able to re read it can be helpful too. In a way, it's existence is empowering, being written and not sent has in a way given me back some control over the situation. I know if I sent it it would be the final nail in the coffin so to speak which is probably why I haven't, even though I know in my heart that it really is over; it has to be because how on earth can we salvage anything now. So it's as if they don't have all the power, not absolutely, even though it feels as if they do most of the time.

Maybe it would be a good idea to make a few changes to your next Christmas plans with Steve, as you've mentioned perhaps B&B would be an option.

Oooh what a great way to spend NYE Yogagirl, with that lovely little GD. We had a great evening; lovely Italian meal and then wondering around in the northern part of Perth city, watching and listening to live performances. There was one guy playing the dijery do (well I've no idea how to spell it but I'm sure you know what I mean), he was really good. When we'd welcomed in the NY, DS said he'd never really 'got it' why people make such a fuss about it all. I said that, especially when you've had a s..t year, it's nice to look forward to a new one and hope for better times. He said he could see how that was important to us, then gave me a long, strong (((hug))).

What ever you're doing, enjoy this first day of 2016 and let's hope and pray that for us all, it brings peace and joy.

No Wendysue and Yogagirlwhen mom has a psychotic episode she hear voices and acts on them. She had this last year and was hospitalized for a month. Same time. Four years ago she wound up 3000 miles away from here. She just got on a plane and even lost her car at the airport. I could write a book.
I hope what you say about ESS comes true Wendysuebut I'm having a hard time being positive. I just cannot let go of this anger and the longer this goes on the madder I get. You just want to shake them and yell at them . I'm sure my ESS feels so much power. My husband didn't even have a fight with him. He was mad and ignored him the night before the emails. How fair is that ? You are mad at someone but you don't tell them why? I am going to start packing today and if I need to hire someone for mom I will. Her disease affects the whole family as does the disease of our children. Thank you all for being my friend on here and have a healthy and happy NEW YEAR!
Let's hope this year brings some sense to our estranged ones.

Thanks Yoga! You're very kind!

I'm sorry to hear about how much pain it's causing you to write out those cards. Maybe you shouldn't do it again, next year, if you're still in this situation (I hope not, of course), if your heart really isn't in it, anymore. Or will it help, do you think, to keep in the front of your mind the idea that your grands may want to see you when they're older and how good it will feel to be able to show them those cards?

Sounds like you're enjoying your visit with ND, James and baby. Hope that continues and you have a wonderful NYE!

BTW, I can't seem to find/figure out what ND means. I imagine the D is for "daughter," but I'm drawing a blank on the N.

Rhinestone, so sorry about your mother! I've never heard of delusions being part of BP, however. So like Yoga, I'm wondering if they could be caused by one of her medications.

Sorry, also, to hear that ESS hasn't replied to DH's message. Poor DH! Maybe ESS needs more time to think about what he wants to say and will answer after the New Year/after this busy season is over. Maybe not but it's a thought.

I just hope you don't miss any part of your trip, this time. You and DH deserve a break!

Good that you had fun with your DD's kids! Maybe you can't "bottle the joy," but please try to hold it close to your heart as you face the issues with your poor dear mother and so forth.

Morning Girls

Thanks Wendysue and may it continue

Rhinestone sorry about your mum, hope it doesn't effect your planned trip to Florida next week. Could the voices be from any medication she is on? Yes I wish I could bottle the joy of when I'm with my NiceD & baby GD too, I'm really fine when I'm with them and think 'at last, I can cope' but once their gone, after just an hour, it all floods back ..why? why has my estD done this tragic thing, into the fourth year now, fourth Xmas missed, fourth nativity play, fourth birthdays looming

Writing out their Xmas cards this year was hard, putting money into their accounts I opened for them was hard too. Normally it would be the first thing I do before Xmas, but this year I didn't do it till day after Boxing day! I had already written in Laila's card, about a month before, as I just wanted to, just the little letter I put in, not the happy Xmas message though, did that as I said. But to keep doing this, without seeing them, gets harder, it's like a stab in the heart, writing out their cards and then just putting them in their gifts sacks, as I just want to see them. I keep asking myself; ' how can Jenni-Ann be happy doing this, how?'

Hope you all enjoy your New Years Eve tonight
I'm staying in with my ND & baby, James [ND fiancee] being a DJ he works on NYE, we were invited to a party and could have gone with James, but think it best for baby to stay home.

When I thought things couldn't get any worse they are. My brother told me today my mom is hearing voices again. She is starting another bipolar episode. She doesn't want to be in the hospital. Same time as last year and last year I missed a week of my trip. I am leaving in a week and now I'm a wreck. Not to mention that my ESS did NOT respond to the voicemail my DH left him. We realized we made BOTH ES's responsible for our money if we both go at the same time. We don't have time to change it before we leave.
On a positive note I had a wonderful day with my DD children today. Too bad I can't bottle the joy I felt today and take it with me.

Sorry, ladies, I haven't really talked much about my own situation for the very reason celebgran mentioned, that right now things are going very well with my DDs and me. After reading some of the sad stories here, I don't feel comfortable yet saying anything about my relationships. We have our problems but they just seem so small compared to what some of you are going through.

It hasn't always been like this. A few years ago, there were bigger issues, particularly between ODD and me. There were more and more frequent periods of our not speaking to each other. I'm happy to say it's gotten much better since then. But that's one of the reasons I know that "there but for fortune" I could be in the same situation as some of you.

Green, I'm sorry about "AC/CIL." AC means "adult children" - an oxymoron, I know, but it really means, you know, "adult sons and/or daughters." CIL means child/children-in-law.

I know what you mean about SIL, LOL! It's one of those acronyms that can mean different things, depending on context. Sometimes, I've seen people say SisIL or SnIL and maybe that's a better idea. I might do that from now on if I think of it.

No I won't !?? Friends just left so off bed. So post more tomorrow

Celebgran Don't send that email !

Sorry, didn't see other posts after smileless post, wish we could call you Smiles... one day, fingers crossed.
Thank you Gagagran I don't look on the other posts, too upsetting!
I'm sure that incident with the car wasn't connected with nasty, but then...
Celebgran the last thing I do when I get time on my 'new' laptop, is go on FB, just in case I run out of time, this morning my new laptop decided to update everything, so after waiting half an hour, I went out, without getting on anything Prob get on FB before I start to get ready for evening class.