Biting the tongue again!

How difficult for you Mishap. My DD have had our 'moments' but I could never criticise her parenting skills. Our DGD is almost 15 and a credit to her mum and dad and she always has been.

Biting my tongue was something I had to learn where DGs were concerned.

What works for us is I accept DD has ways of doing things in her home with her children but both DGs know some rules are slightly different at Granny's, which they adhere to.

I have though sometimes forgotten my own rule and but in before I realise it, smile at DD and say oops but at the same time, the girls have also been reminded to mind their manners/stop bickering.

Re any couples relationship. I stay well clear as I don't know the full story.

Oh dear Mishap that is hard. You must feel so sorry for the child who is getting the blame. Any ideas why that happens? Can you talk to SiL about it?

Oh dear. Not easy. Maybe your DiL was having a bad day? Hormones playing up? It can be stressful staying with in laws? I bet you've thought of all that though. Wonder if she's feeling bad now. I hope she makes it up with the other child and her DH but you'll never know. Oh dear again. Its a pity you live so far away and can't see more day to day stuff.

That is the policy that I too pursue Jane10, but they live 300 miles away so we do not see them very often. I have just taken the whole family out for lunch and it was not easy. One child gets all the blame whoever is at fault; and Dad is roundly told off (in front of the children) if he ventures an opinion or tries to discipline the right child. Gosh, it is hard.

I try to demonstrate how to manage the DGSs rather than actually say anything. I just do stuff and the boys behaviour shows that it works and we all have a nice time. Maybe they complain behind my back but we do too! We all love them and they know that which helps. I think! Good luck mishap maybe this too shall pass?

I was waiting for some more replies.

First off, I dont have gc, so obviously I am talking as an outsider on this.

But I am with tanith. I dont think I would stay more or less totally schtum in these circumstances. I think that we do have to stand up for gc as well at times.

I have tentatively ventured an opinion when asked (but not otherwise) but she does not seem to take any notice. She is a good kind girl and lovely to us, so I do not want to do anything that would change that. But there were some things today that really quite disturbed me. They are lovely children and very precious to us.

It's so hard. DD sometimes complains about her DDs' (my DGDs) behaviour and I think I know where she's gone wrong, but hints in the past have only produced hostility so I know I can't actually tell her.

I feel for you, Mishap.

Sorry its been an upsetting visit Mishap..

When they were young with babies and partners I used to keep quiet on the whole but since my daughters are now older and both single I do tell them whats what when I think they aren't handling things well and on the whole they are ok with me voicing an opinion they don't always agree and mostly don't take my advice but they know its well meant and don't take offence..

Is it not possible to speak about it to your DD when things are calmer?

Things have changed so much since we raised our children, We have to accept how our children bring up theirs even if we think it wrong or heading for problems. As you say Mishap, a lot of lip biting is required.