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(10 Posts)
rubylady Mon 01-Jun-15 22:22:18

I do know what you mean vampirequeen my siblings are the same. I wouldn't trust them now. I haven't contacted the solicitor yet as I have the bumf to read through first and I felt uptight today so decided to do something relaxing today and deal with it tomorrow.

My grandma, my dad's mother, totally left him out of her will and left everything to my brother. She did the same with my grandad's stuff when he died, my brother got everything, my dad was really upset. Families eh?

Thanks for the info though, that gives me part piece of mind. smile

vampirequeen Sun 31-May-15 21:11:03

I don't know about the LPA but I know a solicitor can be the executor of a will because that's what my mum has organised. We come from a family of vultures and this way my mum can ensure that her wishes are carried out and my sister and I are protected from the rest of the family.

You may think I'm exaggerating but you should have been there when they emptied my grandma's house. The things they argued over...even her clothes, towels and bedding. It's not as if they needed the things, they just didn't want anyone else to have them.

rubylady Sun 31-May-15 02:22:10

Thank you to everyone. I have spoke to my dad today when I went to see him to bring him up to date what has been being said. (I hate this, he deserves peace of mind.)

He asked if the solicitor could be the LPA and executor if I should go before him? I don't know and will phone the solicitor on Monday to find out. I hope so as then we can both trust this set up. Then my sister would only be in the Will and not have the responsibility which she seems not to want anyway as she won't answer the phone to me and has not been in touch with my dad or the solicitor. You would think that she would have acknowledged one of us by now but nothing apart from running to my mother. So no trust there then again. Very silly. She should be loyal to my dad too but she isn't. Neither is my brother. Regardless of my dad walking the streets for work at times, to make sure there was a roof over their heads and food in their belly.

As far as my mother is concerned, my dad said that he wants nothing to do with her now. He said she hasn't been in touch for years so he thinks it strange that she wants to have contact when Wills are mentioned and LPA. He told me to tell her that she hasn't to contact him at all and if she does phone then he will just hang up on her. I am glad. He still went and decorated for her when they had divorced and she was really nasty to him, so he doesn't need this anymore. Also this means that I don't have to visit her until I really have to, not when I have been summoned, like she has done for Thursday this week. I will tell her I am not going, nicely, but tell her.

Hopefully this will settle things down a bit. What will happen in the future, who knows but hopefully it will be ok as both siblings are in his Will, so he has not left them out at all. It's his decision, as it should be, as long as he can be less stressed and prolong the dementia, and keep as healthy as possible for as long as possible that is my wish. I love being with my dad, he is very funny and a very nice man, who I was stopped from having a relationship with when I was younger due to a very controlling and manipulative mother

FlicketyB Sat 30-May-15 20:10:05

There is no reason to tell your siblings about the LPA, except that if you are concerned about you dying before your father - hence the second executor - what happens to his LPA if you go first?

Given your relationship with your sister is it wise to have her as the second executor? If you survive your father will you be joint executors or will she only take over if you go prematurely?

Executors of estates and attorneys do not need to be blood relatives. They can be anyone whom the testator or attorney grantor likes, providing they agree to do the job. Is there no-one else your father can appoint with you that you both trust, a friend, or more distant relative?

PRINTMISS Sat 30-May-15 16:39:12

Personally I would tell the siblings absolutely nothing at all about what is going on between you and your father, if they have not been interested before and he and your mother have been divorced for that length of time then I would suggest that no-one has the 'right' to know anything at all. I am sure that is difficult for you, and would probably create a situation you do not want, but my motto in life has always been "what I don't know, I can't tell", so I think what you don't tell, they won't know. If they are interested in what the Will contains, then tell them they will find out in due course!

loopylou Sat 30-May-15 07:11:56

And no, she has no rights regarding influencing the contents of the will. I believe anyone can ask for a copy after the will is executed? I'm sure there are wiser GNs than me who can advise.

loopylou Sat 30-May-15 07:08:49

Regarding the will, my sister and I are executors of my father's will and we have absolutely no idea of its contents.

I imagine once the LPA is signed your mother won't be able to touch it - and I'd think it highly unlikely that, as his ex-wife, she has any influence on the instructions/ information anyway even if your siblings told her. The contract is between you and your father.

Clearly your siblings are unable to keep things confidential so tell them as little as possible but with a highly manipulative mother she clearly can wear them, and you, down.

Good luck x

rubylady Fri 29-May-15 22:01:47

The will is to be signed on Thursday as is the LPA. Once these are signed she can't touch them, can she?

My sister is being made second executor in case anything happens to me before my dad. If this is the case, will she be told before hand what is in the will?

aggie Fri 29-May-15 21:52:11

She has probably wormed the info out of him , she sounds very manipulative , have you a good solicitor ?

rubylady Fri 29-May-15 21:46:50

I've just had a phone call off my mother, who I only started talking back to a few weeks ago due to her failing health. During our conversation she told me that my brother had told her where I am now living, when I had explicitly told him not to, until I was ready to tell her myself. She also asked me about my dad, who she divorced over 12 years ago. She wanted to know where he was living and what was wrong with him as my sister had told her about him moving and his illness. It is nothing to do with her now about my dad but she put the voice on and said that she was worried about him. She isn't. She's spoke about him with such hatred in the past. He would be better off not having any contact now as he is getting to the point of getting upset and frustrated by things and incidents. I will ask him his opinion as it is up to him if he sees her again but I think he's better off out of it. My dad doesn't see my siblings neither, their choice. So I look after him.

I have wanted to trust my siblings again (they have let me down in the past, many times) as they keep saying that we should stick together after the awful childhood we all had. But how can I trust them when they are going behind my back and telling my mother my business and my dad's business? Both of us do not want her to know things anymore, or at least tell her ourselves what we want her to know. My mother gains information and then uses it against you.

I am going for LPA for my dad (dementia) and my siblings have to know this. I now don't know if my mother knows this too but she spent over 40 years hiding his money away when he tipped his wage up. It makes me very cautious where she is concerned and angry where they are concerned for now putting me back in a spot I got out of some time ago and felt all the better for. I don't want manipulative people in my life and she is. I will talk to her and even see her, but I wanted to keep my business to myself.

How do I handle my siblings in this case? They obviously are going to have to know a certain amount but how do I get them to stop telling her everything? I thought I could trust them, now I know I cannot.