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Children flapping about new relationship

(7 Posts)
viney Mon 03-Aug-15 16:34:07

I'm in a new relationship after my 2nd marriage finally broke down over a year ago, after many unhappy years.
My adult children (who are either married with their own children, on the other side of the world or mature students) are very wary of me having this new relationship. They are giving lots of advice and opinions, varying from "you need to be able to be happy living on your own before you start a new relationship" to "it's all very quick - how do you know him/trust him/know he's not an axe murderer?" and "what is he after?".
1. I have lived on my own for over a year and I'm fine with it - I wasn't aware there was some kind of test of singleness to be passed
2. His friends think he's a great guy too - everyone else seems to be very happy that we are together and he's not an axe murderer
3. I have nothing material to have taken away, so I'd like to know too!
Has anyone else dealt with this and if so how? It's making me very defensive, stressed and sad. I know they are mainly coming from a place of love, but I'm finding it very hard to manage.

Luckygirl Mon 03-Aug-15 17:34:39

They have seen two relationships fail for you and are understandably concerned for your welfare. Don't let it bug you; take it in the spirit it is meant. It will only be a problem if you allow it to be. Just pursue your new relationship in your own way, and don't be influenced by them: either by breaking it off when you do not wish to, or by digging in your heels and keeping it going if it is dying the death just to prove you are right!

Lots of luck to you - I hope you find happiness with this new man, or without.

Nelliemoser Mon 03-Aug-15 18:31:23

Viney Good luck with this. Their comments sound exactly what I would expect from our grown up children if the occasion ever arose.

I do think that they are genuinely concerned about you.

vampirequeen Mon 03-Aug-15 20:17:16

All relationships have a risk element but if you never take the risk then you never get to experience the joy of being with that one special person.

When I escaped from ex I was determined never to commit again (although I did have some Jezebel fun). Then I met DH and I had to make a choice. Should I protect myself from the pain I'd felt before and turn away from commitment or should I take the risk? I took the risk and even if it all fell to pieces today it would still have been worth it to have experienced the happiness I have felt in the last few years.

Your children sound as if they're genuinely concerned about you but you can't live your life in a bubble. Humans are hard wired to be with other humans.

viney Tue 04-Aug-15 07:39:05

Thank you for your comments -they are very helpful. I know they are just concerned - I would be too if it was one of them smile.

PRINTMISS Tue 04-Aug-15 07:58:47

Good luck with that - if you do not give it a go, then you will always wonder won't you. It is a pity that you have had unhappy experiences, perhaps you deserve some happiness now. I am sure your children are only concerned for you, as one would expect them to be.

glammanana Tue 04-Aug-15 08:27:21

All my best wishes on your new relationship your children are only looking after you and your interests so be pleased they are so interested and loving towards you.