I bet you've missed the Idiot - so here is the next instalment - advice please!!

Oh, here we go.......

See 'what small thing would make your life better?

(really Alea, I know you can't stand me, but try to be civil, somehow!)

She will not take them to see his parents as her FiL put his hands round her throat and threatened to hit her last time she went there.
Well, I don't think I would want them to see FIL at all.

Oven beeping, will read and perhaps post later
chin up

Do you really think I would post this unless kitty herself had not mentioned the Idiot on another thread. Really... please.

There is a big six-month gap between the posts up to 25th August and the ones today, 7th January. I don't think there is any new news about The Idiot.

I would not want my children to see a FIL who had put his hands round my throat! Just don't bother I say!

I can get you those bullets if it gets really desperate!

I'm too.

I am is this still the original thread from August, or have there been further developments?

Arghh Kitty, what is he up to now? As if you didn't have enough on your plate?

Gosh kitty he ceratinly seems to attract a few women doesn't he is he one of those men who must have a woman in his life at all times to pander to his needs ? Good on your DD for becoming stronger with her insistence about the other GPs she will get stronger by the day it took my DD a while but she got there in the end,and I also gained quite a few grey hairs in the process.

Glamma, we think his behaviour now is a result of his girlfriend dumping him and not being as open to manipulation as DD. That's good for her but not for us!! She is insisting on the children not being left alone with the other GPs. The Idiot tried to play tit for tat on that card but DD gave him short shrift. [apologies for the mixed thingies there, but you get what I mean.] DD saw him out with another woman recently.

Downtoearth, no offence taken. I could get really cross with DD for being so silly, but I don't! My excuse for her was that she was 19, he was late forties, he used the pub where she worked while she was at university, he was flashy he appeared to have quite a bit of money. Also I think the fact that she has brothers who are 16 and 14 years older than her had some bearing too.

Having said all of that, I could swing for the sodding Idiot.

I would certainly insist on supervised contact via SS and if he dismisses it tough on him at least your DD can say later in life that all attempts had been made,I would worry constantly if the children where with the GPs with regard to the history of the GF and the attack on your DD,surely this man must be in his 70s he is just an out and out bully imo and needs to be avoided at all costs by those little ones but I understand your DD not wanting to slated as the bad person who is refusing contact,she must put her wishes first,is this the idiot who now has a new relationship kitty going to form as per his father and his last relationship with your DD he will start manipulating his new partner in the near future so will maybe relent in his haressment of your lovely DD.

Yes same here Kitty. I have 2 other lovely SILs!

unfortunately the bad boys are exciting,and however we bring our girls up sometimes they just cant resist them....and then they get their fingers burnt...and we get the fall out ..sorry kitty no offence meant,but have been through this myself

Just because they ARE manipulative Jud. What baffles me is the fact that DD3's older sisters married really decent men and we brought all the girls up the same!

I agree with other posters that a court order needs to be in place to formalise times and places for contact so that the Idiot has no excuse for manipulation. Your DD sounds as if she has had more than enough of his messing about. If he chooses not to see the children at these times, that is his decision. It would also help providing stability for the children.

Mind you, we tried doing this with our Idiot 1 who just kept sidestepping any attempts to make contact arrangements. He never turned up, and hasn't seen his son for over 8 years. But of course goes round telling this sob story that he is not allowed to see the child!

At least your Idiot pays in regularly, which is more than can be said for either of the Idiots who fathered my DD3's boys. How on earth did our daughters get involved with these irresponsible and manipulative men?

DD3 has sent him an email (he has blocked her from any other form of contact!) telling him what the contact terms will be in future and if he doesn't stick to them she will stop him from seeing them and he will have to take her to court.

We now await the next instalment.

This is so hard, but at this stage I would really want all the maintenance, access, etc, to be done properly via the Courts, and not left up to his whim.
he is far too volatile to leave it all up in the air, I'd say.

I so feel for you- it is never ending. (((( hugs ))))

DD has stopped asking the Idiot if he would like to see his children but is determined not to stand in the way of them knowing their father. She talks to them about him if they bring it up but doesn't ever tell them her real thoughts! The same cannot be said about him.

The children are 3.5 and 2.5, so unable to make any sense of it at all. He is 51 so I'm not sure what his excuse is!!

No downtoearth there is no court order in place as she would be happy to see them on a regular basis. Can one be in place that forces him to see them? His argument has always been (and fairly justifiably IMO) that he quite often has to work weekends. Other weekends, of course, he has to go to weddings, stag weekends etc etc.

It's really difficult for her but also for us to see her being constantly upset and that is why I wondered if there was any organisation who could help her work out what is the best way forward. Although I think he is a hopeless case as he is so volatile and unstable.

Kitty I would suggest your DD does not push the contact with idiots family at all. I am not sure how old they are now, are any of them of an age to make a sensible decision about this?

If the children do ask why he does not see them suggest to your daughter that she keeps noncommital about the idiots failings, which hopefully she will.

The best option would be to wait and leave it up to the idiot to ask for contact. If it is a reasonable request allow contact supervised or otherwise and allow the children to decide what they want to do about contact when they are old enough to decide for themselves.
Get DD to send him a list of dates when he really cannot have them as DD is busy.

Oh dear Kitty I thought things were getting better.

B----y endless isn't it.

So different story with S and his ex. My GD and him don't have a relationship to speak of, if it suits either of them they will meet up but no tears shed or hurt feelings if they don't. So wrong in my book.

ann60 It's so nice to hear that your dd and her ex are being so civilised. If only all marriage breakups went so well!

Nina how nice that you are the stable influence in the children's lives. kitty I really don't know if I would want father and family in their lives but can understand that your DD does not want to be the one who cuts off contact as it may rebound in the future. I am so upset that my DD's marriage is over but the fact that they are both older as are the children means that things are amicable and the children understand and are able to cope better.They see their father every other weekend,one of which they stay with him and the other he comes to the house and stays for dinner. He now has a new lady in his life but is keeping it seperate from their visits at the moment but they do know about her.