Christmas

My M-i-L always sulked at Christmas when things didn't go entirely her way - still does! When our kids were small, we always had Christmas at home visiting the outlaws on christmas eve and my parents on christmas morning. They were all welcome to join us for lunch if they wished.

I remember the angst from M-i-L though and have never done the same thing with my kids/grand-children. If they want to come, great, if they want to stay home, great, we usually find a day for us all to celebrate together whether it's THE day or not - it's just a day after all and I hate them to feel under pressure. On the quiet I think DH and I would love to spend Christmas together - just the two of us ...

Loopylou - what a wonderful idea your Christmas picnic is. I really fancy that by myself or with others if they wanted to come along. I just love the sea and to sit with the waves lapping and the wind on my cheeks would be amazing. I might put that forward as an idea for this year. This is Scotland so maybe the family will think I am losing it.

Last year I had Christmas with DD2 DGS2 and ExH at DD2 house. Her partner was there but ate Pizza on the floor rather than join the table and eat his pizza. (I have dietery requirements and thought I would cause too much bother but apart from someone sitting on the floor with pizza it was fine. ExH invited DD2 to his house for New Year. When she arrived with DG2 ExH had her phone me and get me to come over. I had ExH over to my house for DD2's birthday meal. It can be done amicably provided all parties are of similar mind.
SPF

Oh bum, didn't read to the end sorry....

Christmas does seem to be a minefield for some. I just go with the flow, not particularly expecting anything so can be DH +me, DH, me and DD, plus DS, DDIL and DGS as well.

I have said that if we're home alone then we'll have a Christmas Day picnic on a beach somewhere . We did it once before and it was lovely; homemade tomato soup, cold meats and hot jacket potatoes, lots of pickles and nibbles and Tiramisu for pud.

It's roastchicken allinoneword Ana

Not really, I have tried in the past and was told they their own very busy lives. It would result in bad feelings all round! Cannot imagine talking to my parents that way.

Would it be worth speaking up Luckylegs9?

Up until last Xmas we would have DS, DIL and DGS every second year. In the interim, they would go to her family and we would go to the Cotswolds to be spoilt for a few days. Our DD lives overseas and we have had her with us as well when it was our turn to entertain. We will be going away this year but it's all change next year as DS and DIL have split up and we are not sure what will happen now. However, last year was so exhausting with everything to do and no help offered from the family that we decided that in future we would go out for Xmas lunch. It will be interesting to see what happens. One thing about families - they are never boring!

I do admire those of you that are content to Christmas alive and enjoy it. I am not in constant touch with my busy family, they are too busy coping with jobs, partners and teenagers. Must admit I do feel as if I don't matter anymore, now that DH has died. Other people seem to cope that much better, but perhaps they in turn think I do as I don't dwell on it with my friends.

Thanks for GA

i have a strange arrangement at Christmas. My son has one grandparent left and it's my ex.'s mum. My son and I with my husband visit and have a meal with my ex and his mum. My son,my ex and his mum were all only children.

We did neither set of parents. spent Christmas on our own. bliss. Visited after christmas. the emotional stuff from the out laws was a bit annoying though. ex was just as bad.

I now do christmas for my mum who was widdowed recently. first christmas she was in a nursing home, second she was home but ended up in hospital over christmas and we could hardly visit as ds had a tummy bug. then last year she spent new years eve in hospital.

What flow? What have I missed now?

nag get with the flow

Oh yes, sorry - between the words!

Where? I can't see a space...

You put a space roses!

Emoticon didn't work!

We have always told the DC that they must do what is best for them at Christmas, but we also tell them it's open house on Christmas Day, since we will be making a Christmas Lunch anyway.I like to know about 3/4 weeks before who will be coming though.Sometimes they and husbands/ wives/ partners/ DGC all come which means setting a very big table indeed,sometimes only a few will come, but some of them at least are always there on the day. For those who don't come for lunch, we will see either just before or just after.They all live locally. [roast chicken]

Prior to having children mum and I would alternate Christmas day and Boxing Day each year. Mum n dad were only 10mins away by car. DH 's parents lived 2 hrs away. We always visited them the weekend before.
When DC arrived mum was the only surviving parent. I would collect her and her food contributions on Christmas Eve take DC to the Christingle service then she would stay until the day after Boxing day. She loved to be there on Christmas morning at silly o'clock when the DC's opened their presents.
When DGC came the family would spend alternate years in Germany with paternal GP's. I have no idea what will happen this year now DD is in Edinburgh and DGC are with their father.

Our DD always comes to us, with her black lab, and stays for 3 or 4 days. This year, as a new mum, she will be here with the baby and dog.
DS has a big house and for the last few years we've all gone there (just around the corner) for Christmas dinner and spent the rest of the day and evening there, with DiL's parents, grandmother, sister, sister's partner and their little son. So a big houseful, lots of fun.
This year it's all up in the air because DiL has left DS. This is the second time she's done this - they married in 2008 and she left him a week before their first anniversary and they subsequently divorced. Three years later she was back, having been pleading for ages, promising eternal love, saying she didn't know what had come over her, etc. etc. They had another child (now 2 and a bit). And she's gone again. Thank heavens they didn't actually remarry.
So it looks as though I'm going to be cooking the turkey this year . But at least with both of them now single I won't having any 'sharing' problems

My children are scattered and all at different life stages. I have a daughter and her family living in NZ and my oldest son and his wife are joining them for Christmas this year. We'll hopefully Skype them on Christmas Eve night, which will be Christmas Day in the morning and maybe get to see our lovely granddaughter open a gift.

Our younger son will either spend Christmas with his girlfriend's family, or she will come to us - we haven't had the conversation yet, so I'm not sure what they'll want to do.

My daughter and her family are having a quiet Christmas Day in a hotel, but I expect that they'll descend on us on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We were with them last Christmas as my son in law was away, so it's lovely that they'll be together this year.

We have two family members who have a severe mental illness and every year we try to involve them in some way at Christmas, but it's fraught with tension and it's impossible to predict how things may turn out.

I love Christmas and I don't mind at all where my family spend the day, as long as my husband is with me I'm satisfied.

Marmight

BIL has a birthday a week before Christmas so my sister throws a buffet party for the whole family then. We see everyone and exchange gifts.
Then our parents spend Christmas at a hotel 5 minutes from where they live (3 hours drive from us) . Our children are free to make their own arrangements and we only need to visit DH's Mum and sister sometime over the week. I don't think that one day should be a cause of stress.

When our children were younger we all waited and waited for DBiL's wife to decide what was happening with her family before we could work out what to do with our own families. If we got it wrong she would withhold their daughter from visiting Mil and Fil until at least the summer, sometimes longer. Whatever was arranged always got altered at the last minute and we usually had both lots of parents anyway.

I had visions of the whole of England standing waiting for her pronouncement and the knock on effects it inevitably brought!

PS None of them stay at our house any more, as one DD has lots of space, and they know that OH has limitations on his stamina.