Christmas

I've spent many Christmases working/on my own because I refuse to expect my family to either visit or invite me. I hate duty visits.
It doesn't bother me really, as it's just another day. I know they love me and they come when they can, by choice.

After my two grandchildren were born and we started to help out, my daughter decided that Christmas was 'pay back' time and we go for the day and are waited on hand and foot while we play with the children. We have a couple of glasses of wine and stay the night.

I have recently said to her that, when she wants to stop this, just give us some notice and we will book a holiday abroad. We have a lovely time but don't want her to feel that she must do it.

Lona, I'm with you in this. If they want to call by they will - with no pressure. I'm quite happy to slob about cosily, watching/not watching Christmas c* on TV.

Once we had children we stayed at home and people could come to us. We often had both lots of ILs together- it made things much simpler. I had Christmases at home when I was a child- you don't want to be travelling around the country staying in other people's houses when a child.

We are just so lucky that both sets of grandchildren live locally. It must be a nightmare trying to please everybody when journeys, especially long ones, have to be made.

Both families have Christmas morning to themselves. Some time in the afternoon they wander over to us for Christmas Dinner at about 3.00(ish)

I do the main course and they sort out starters and pudding between them.

I wouldn't like to have to travel or for them to have to travel far with children, so proximity really helps.

Our DD lives 5 minutes away so we go to them ChristmAs Day and they come to us Boxing Day. Our DS and family are now abroad but when they were here they also lived quite close so we would go to,them for Christmas Day evening and they would come to us Boxing Day afternoon. It does make it easier if they are close by, but we never take it for granted, I always ask Dd if they want time in their own.

My grandson (8) has already informed me that they will be coming to us this year, so grandad will have to make one of his big jellies for teatime! Whether he has discussed this with his parents I don't know! We do tend to take it in turns, but they know if they want to spend Christmas on their own, or with others, we don't mind. Last year we went to them as they wanted to invite one of SiL's relatives who was not very well and was going to be on her own. She was of an age with me so we had things we could talk about which made her feel a bit more at ease, as she is not a person they have seen all that much of over the years. My son and his wife always seem to want to come to us on Boxing Day, but they too are free to make other arrangements if they want. I do worry about the weather at that time of the year - hate anyone coming out in snow.

Since DH died I have had one Christmas away, one in Australia with DD2 and one at my home in Scotland with the other DDs and families. This year I am going between the 2 UK DDs in England. Life has certainly changed. We always had Christmas at our house and the family were always happy to visit. It is understandable that now things have changed, they all want to 'do' Christmas at their own homes with their increasing families. How the tables have turned ...I feel like a fish out of water..

We mix it up a bit too. Its very hard to motivate DH away from home on Christmas day - he likes it to be just us which sometimes I find a bit lonely but that's what we are having this year. I am however having a nice pre Xmas lunch out with tegan and partner and whoever else Gransnet wise wants to join us.

For lots of families it can be a minefield with lots of careful treading,but reading these posts and thinking back to my own experience and those of friends ,it was the previous generation, our parents, who often made life difficult with their demands/expectations. We have spent 2 Christmas's in the last 12 or so with my D the others we have spent on our own with our S popping in for an hour during the morning to exchange presents with the GC,notably,not his partner!! and we just do our own thing for the rest of the day. No pressure,no expectations,no problem.

DD and family have Christmas at home on their own. Then they go to DD's outlaws at some point during the holidays so that the kids can see and play with all their cousins. There are no cousins on my side of the family yet.

The reasoning behind the stay-at-home approach is to minimise over-excitement. Such sensible parents.

The outlaws live relatively close. We live a long way away. Visits in summer are much more sensible.

If it wasn't for Minibags being still at home, I'd ignore Christmas just as I ignore all other such days.

We have all of them one year and none of them (apart from DS1) the next year. But every year we do Boxing Day lunch on 27th for who ever wants to come. Usually most of them. We have no expectations of who would like to come at Christmas but, luckily, they enjoy letting me do the work

When it's not our year we usually invite someone else so DS isn't just stuck with us as usual!

Am I totally abnormal in actually not allowing the grandkids in the house on Xmas Day?!

We like a nice quiet grownup time on the day itself, with all hell breaking loose with them coming on Boxing Day, and staying for no longer than four days (please God!).

The journey to us is at least an hour and twenty minutes and it would be a waste to spend time on a motorway on The Day. And I am more than happy for the other GPs to go to theirs for the day, which gets that bit out of the way. We have two Xmas days really.

Works for us.

One of our DDs lives a long distance away in a flat and there is not room for us to stay, so we only see them at Xmas if they come down here to stay with another DD, who has a big house.

Both the DDs locally have two sets of parents also nearby so they sometimes find it hard to cut themselves in several bits in order to get round all of them. I have said that I do not want them doing that. What tends to happen is that we go to one of the DD's in-laws for an Xmas meal - in fact I do not enjoy this as the atmosphere is tense because of a very difficult FIL there. However we often go along with it in order to make DD's life easier, as I know she would find it hard to think of us being on our own.

The other DD's local family is huge so we do not expect a visit from them - they have quite enough people to get round!

PS None of them stay at our house any more, as one DD has lots of space, and they know that OH has limitations on his stamina.

When our children were younger we all waited and waited for DBiL's wife to decide what was happening with her family before we could work out what to do with our own families. If we got it wrong she would withhold their daughter from visiting Mil and Fil until at least the summer, sometimes longer. Whatever was arranged always got altered at the last minute and we usually had both lots of parents anyway.

I had visions of the whole of England standing waiting for her pronouncement and the knock on effects it inevitably brought!

BIL has a birthday a week before Christmas so my sister throws a buffet party for the whole family then. We see everyone and exchange gifts.
Then our parents spend Christmas at a hotel 5 minutes from where they live (3 hours drive from us) . Our children are free to make their own arrangements and we only need to visit DH's Mum and sister sometime over the week. I don't think that one day should be a cause of stress.

My children are scattered and all at different life stages. I have a daughter and her family living in NZ and my oldest son and his wife are joining them for Christmas this year. We'll hopefully Skype them on Christmas Eve night, which will be Christmas Day in the morning and maybe get to see our lovely granddaughter open a gift.

Our younger son will either spend Christmas with his girlfriend's family, or she will come to us - we haven't had the conversation yet, so I'm not sure what they'll want to do.

My daughter and her family are having a quiet Christmas Day in a hotel, but I expect that they'll descend on us on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We were with them last Christmas as my son in law was away, so it's lovely that they'll be together this year.

We have two family members who have a severe mental illness and every year we try to involve them in some way at Christmas, but it's fraught with tension and it's impossible to predict how things may turn out.

I love Christmas and I don't mind at all where my family spend the day, as long as my husband is with me I'm satisfied.

Marmight

Our DD always comes to us, with her black lab, and stays for 3 or 4 days. This year, as a new mum, she will be here with the baby and dog.
DS has a big house and for the last few years we've all gone there (just around the corner) for Christmas dinner and spent the rest of the day and evening there, with DiL's parents, grandmother, sister, sister's partner and their little son. So a big houseful, lots of fun.
This year it's all up in the air because DiL has left DS. This is the second time she's done this - they married in 2008 and she left him a week before their first anniversary and they subsequently divorced. Three years later she was back, having been pleading for ages, promising eternal love, saying she didn't know what had come over her, etc. etc. They had another child (now 2 and a bit). And she's gone again. Thank heavens they didn't actually remarry.
So it looks as though I'm going to be cooking the turkey this year . But at least with both of them now single I won't having any 'sharing' problems

Prior to having children mum and I would alternate Christmas day and Boxing Day each year. Mum n dad were only 10mins away by car. DH 's parents lived 2 hrs away. We always visited them the weekend before.
When DC arrived mum was the only surviving parent. I would collect her and her food contributions on Christmas Eve take DC to the Christingle service then she would stay until the day after Boxing day. She loved to be there on Christmas morning at silly o'clock when the DC's opened their presents.
When DGC came the family would spend alternate years in Germany with paternal GP's. I have no idea what will happen this year now DD is in Edinburgh and DGC are with their father.

We have always told the DC that they must do what is best for them at Christmas, but we also tell them it's open house on Christmas Day, since we will be making a Christmas Lunch anyway.I like to know about 3/4 weeks before who will be coming though.Sometimes they and husbands/ wives/ partners/ DGC all come which means setting a very big table indeed,sometimes only a few will come, but some of them at least are always there on the day. For those who don't come for lunch, we will see either just before or just after.They all live locally. [roast chicken]

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