Excluded from daughters wedding

But you can have a small wedding. A few friends of the lifelong kind, and close family. And a nice outfit from Marks and Sparks. And everyone knows someone with a good camera these days, so that's one expense less.

No, I don't agree re the self-centredness, it's just the changing times and pressure from your peer group. It's not as if many brides now marry from their childhood home anymore, and also many of them do pay for their own weddings, so therefore feel quite reasonably that they can have an event with friends rather than family, if that's what they would prefer. I know how close you are to your family jings, but not every family is that close.

My niece said she had no idea what would be expected of her until she started trying to organise her wedding, friends started saying 'but of course you have to have an expensive gift for everyone, toys to amuse any children, entertainers, photo booth, guest's book, etc. etc. etc.' It's enough to make anyone want to elope.

Which is really what is happening. The thought of all the fuss and bother makes people elope, not that they don't love their family.

My youngest D/D married in Las Vegas about 4 weeks ago.
It was just sheer bliss .
Just immediate family.
No party when they got home.
I believe they should do exactly what they want to.
Who are we to interfere TBH.
Basically we are bystanders.

Doesn't have to be a special frock, least of all a strapless one. And certainly not 100 guests. But your Mum?! That's a bit different.

Yes. Self-centredness is the in thing at the moment.

I think two people can have the wedding that they want. Actually it is more sign of two committed people than a show off wedding for 100 people.

I belong to family including myself who had small weddings and not a white strapless dress in sight. We can't live their life nor do they owe us the pleasure of being a guest at this precious moment. Some love a crowd looking on and others want it private.

I didn't want any fuss 2nd time around, my mother was relieved not to have to go! MiL however was not quite as happy, especially when BiL went and did exactly the same thing.

Many factors come into it. The thought of trying to arrange it all at the time, for lots of people, is quite overwhelming, and if your DM, like mine, or MiL, is not good at organising and neither are you, then it is just too stressful to contemplate. My own DM remarried when I was 30 and she didn't tell us, either.

I would be perfectly happy for my DCs to marry without inviting me. I love them to bits, but don't want them to have a marriage starting out with a monstrous loan. Even a small wedding can still be horrifically expensive for all attendees, let alone those getting married.

I don't think children can truly feel how much they hurt their parents until it happens to them and even then I think they still believe their circumstances are some how worse.
Sorry you are in this sad situation. I hope that afterwards you can somehow achieve a closer relationship with your daughter. Chin up.

I was one of the witnesses at a good friend's wedding who wanted it to be just the two of them. This was 30 years ago and they are still happily married. My friend's mother was a widow and my friend was an only daughter and I remember it being painful for her mother at the time. The best thing is to accept it and let her know that you are happy for her and always there for her.

You say you were never close. Why not? I cannot imagine anyone being "not close" with a daughter. Or a son for that matter. You must have been close once. When did it start to go wrong?

If anyone has been a good Mother, then this is the saddest thing ever, and I cannot understand it at all.

I know a few people who did not invite their parents to their wedding, just didn't want the big fuss. I threatened to go and get married without guests, my father offered to give me the money but mother said that she would not allow it. In reality she could not have stopped me as I was 21 but it would have made for years of misery with her carping.
People have their own reasons for wanting to keep their wedding to themselves, respect their wishes.

Friends of mine in 1970 just went into town and got married, taking witnesses off the street. It seemed romantic when I was young but now see it from the parent's point of view.

You don't need a big wedding but parents should be there all being well between both sides.

Slightly different but one of ours got married abroad, a lot of the family went but we just could not afford it.

DD1 got married while on hols and rang me after the event ,DD2 booked a venue and reneged leaving me to cough up for the deposit as she "forgot" to cancel DD3 had the full works , Dad gave her away lovely reception , however we are all chums and it is water under the bridge

Difficult problem.

We weren't invited to DD3's wedding because she didn't want to be the centre of attention or so she said. Actually, her soon to be ex husband DID want to be centre of attention and his friends all went with them to York to be married. However, DD's fabulous friend said 'I'm not having that' and went and gatecrashed the service and has been a rock for DD since it all fell apart.

No you are not being unreasonable. How sad.

Oh how upsetting. I felt the same on my DD's wedding day. She and her partner went to Scotland and were married, just the two of them, but my DD was pregnant and couldn't wear her wedding dress. She still has it, and after four children, it still fits. She still wants to wear it and have her vows blessed, but when is the question.

I think that our children make decsions about their weddings that we might not agree with and many of us have had to go with the flow on that.

Not inviting anyone else does seem a bit extreme, but if that is what they have decided, you will not be the only person who will be feeling miffed.

If you have "not been close" and she has experience of difficult family relationships with a violent father, that might explain it a bit.

I do not think there is anything you can do but bite the bullet and try to come to terms with it. I wish you luck with this.