Daughter-in-Law possible breakdown - what to do

I can see that it might not be possible to give full details - but unfortunately that does mean that the request "what to do?" can only result in inappropriate answers, as the full facts are not available.

What does come across is that you do not like this DIL, which is why the "least said, soonest mended" advice is particularly relevant.

without knowing the full background and facts no-one could be expected to give a helpful answer.

However, as my DM always said, 'Least said, soonest mended'

Thanks for all the input. It is pretty pointless asking for advice here whena lot of what has been going on, which would give a quite different perspective, I can't be specific about.

I will soldier on. I thought I had already responded earlier but must have given it up as a bad job.

fluttERBY123 you said on a previous thread that your DIL is used to a lot of rows and feuds in her own family.
Perhaps that is the way they operate - some nationalities are naturally more volatile than others. However, the best way is not to rise to it.

Unless you have serious concerns about depression (and are qualified to recognise it) then don't mention it to your DS. Things said cannot be unsaid.

Still not reading as much into it as Soontobe. OP may have her own opinions but nothing she says seems to corroborate her suspicions.

OP needs to reveal much more (within the bounds of anonymity) for anybody to even think of offering a valid opinion.

Perhaps OP could come back and contribute?

'I am wondering if she is really in a bad way and he wants us to confirm it to him. I am hesitant to do so. I know something about depression and it would seem she is depressed and heading for a crisis - there are other pointers i can't put here. So wondering what to do, if anything.'

OP has said that her son keeps asking what she thinks of his wife. No one including OP had managed to work out what he means by that. OP then says the above and she thinks his wife is showing signs of depression (which she could be, but no examples have been given) and is wondering if her son wants her to confirm it but is unsure whether to do so.

I don't see how any of us can offer good advice for this situation where we don't know the history, or the personalities involved.

OK, I have been through the thread and have clearly missed where OP says her son is worried his wife is suffering from depression, or is asking OP's opinion regarding her mental health.
Could you please point out where she has said any of that? Or where he has specifcally asked for advice?

Alea and annodomini.
This is another part of what the op wrote herself - see my post 15.16pm.

"The problem here is that my son several times has asked us what we think of Wife." (OP)

Soon, you are reading more into the OP than is warranted. In what way does the above quotation mean that the DS is asking for advice - it sounds more like an opinion is required. Giving an opinion on a DiL is even more dangerous than giving advice. And it's absurd to detect depression from the account given by a MiL who obviously doesn't like her.

Right so Daughter in Law from Hell is now morphed into Daughter in Law - possible breakdown

If that's the case I hope to goodness she doesn't read Gransnet or the sh1t will hit the proverbial..... Poor DDIL, she doesn't stand a chance, does she?

I agree with Luckygirl
and all the other sensible posts on here

I don't think it's fair to label her depressed
Me neither; you say she is a good wife and mother which she may not be able to manage if she was truly depressed or heading for a breakdown.

I agree with Luckygirl.

May I add that, having a Greek background, upbringing and family values may be slightly different.
Families we know from Eastern Mediterranean backgrounds are close, then clash, not speaking and then best of friends. Sometimes it's difficult to keep up and I have found it is best to keep out, say nowt, however difficult that may be at times.

Your previous post was called 'Daughter in law from hell' so you can't like her that much!

Seriously though, you need to say the things that she has done/said to you. Why do you think she has depression? Or a possible breakdown? It's really hard to say who needs to do what. You shouldn't talk about her mental health behind her back. It won't end well, believe me.

And stop making things up or imagining things.

Then read the original post.

*HE DIDN'T ASK FOR ADVICE
(shouty capitals)
he asked "what OP thinks of Wife".
That doesn't constitute asking for advice, asking if his wife is suffering from depression, or even asking if she is fed up to here of an interfering MIL who had the appalling lapse of manners to shout her out in public.*

I thought he was asking for advice about her possible breakdown/depression.
That is totally different if he is not asking that, and only asking what he thinks of wife. Totally different. And no, not a good idea to go there much or any at all.

HE DIDN'T ASK FOR ADVICE
(shouty capitals)
he asked "what OP thinks of Wife".
That doesn't constitute asking for advice, asking if his wife is suffering from depression, or even asking if she is fed up to here of an interfering MIL who had the appalling lapse of manners to shout her out in public.

OP is wondering (and God knows why) if her DIL is heading for a breakdown. I fear is she doesn't back off, the breakdown will be of the marital sort.

No Soontobe, stop stirring. You should not be encouraging OP to discuss her DIL behind her back, YOU sHould not be ascribing psychological elements about which you have no experience.

To lose control to the extent of shouting at the DiL in public, suggests that the OP could be the one with the problem, if I may say so.

No they dont lose their rag.

Offering advice where it is inappropriate
Giving advice to your own son who asks for it, is not inappropriate.

Soontobe I do not think that anybody, family member or not, should come between a couple. Old fashioned I may be, but you will be familiar with the words of the Marriage Service, the ones about "no man (or MIL) shall put asunder" Offering advice where it is inappropriate is not only tactless, but also potentially destructive.
I am surprised you find that sort of like interference "normal" among your friends and family. Do they also "lose their rag" in public with their in-laws?? If so, we inhabit a very different world and one from which I am happy to be distant.
The caricature of the "Jewish Momma", and the "Italian Momma" are well enough known and while I have no doubt that they love their children, do you want to go there???
You seem to be in a minority of one on this topic which says something in itself.

Step back, shut up and let your sons -and daughters - grow up is great advice in many situations!

Good succinct advice Ariadne!

This is quite appalling - it feels like one of the the worst DiL / Mil scenarios.

As a MiL, or rather, a mother of a grown up, married son, it is one's responsibility not to take sides, but to gently guide one's son towards sorting things out for himself, not to come running to mummy for advice. Support, yes, but of the empowering kind, helping him to deal with it himself, not "mummy knows best."

And as for shouting at someone in public, well, that is unforgivable. If the OP wants a happy family, there is work to be done. Like - step back, shut up, and let you son grow up.