Alone for Christmas

Nana and d Grampy we had 200mile drive In dreadful weather conditions, of course we offered to help had you actually drive that distance Xmas eve on.m 25 and m4 I think you would know what imeant.

I am sure you all mean well but wrapping this one up now.

Biased you suggest?
Yep.

If this is how it is in their household and your son doesn't appear worried, maybe you shouldn't worry either?

Maybe you are a tad biased ..he is your son after all, so I can see why you would be concerned.

An alternative is that you and your DH offer to help? Maybe one of you could have gone to the chip shop? Or helped prep veggies?

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like these Celeb??

Well done red headed

We can't make her out either and yes have emailed ds to say summer visits be better.

Went last April and ds was in London at conference he cooked BBQ at 9pm when he got in we had sat there since 4 so not recent thing.

Be fair to him he does very stressful job chemical weapons expert and tutors online overnight to America so she has lot more time available.
Maybe I am biased?!

I did read it.

'When we arrived it was v cold, wet towels on radiator in our room, the boys her teenage sons were supposed to have cleaned?,! no food prepared fish chips collected by our son.'

That's not just down to her, it's down to your son too. He collected fish and chips because no food was prepared by either of them. It was all packet food and frozen veg because it was down to both of them.

Doesn't matter that they are not married. That is still his partner who he lives with and her 2 sons.

She does sound a bit odd though. I don't understand why they'd both invite you, but then have your son do literally everything while she saw him struggling then did nothing! Try summer, salad is quite easy to prepare, just open the bag and shove it on a plate

Oh gosh what ridiculous comments on here red headed mommy if you had bothered to read before jumping in, 1 my my son is not married
2 he cooked breakfast, went to collect fish and chips and cooked turkey,more pared veg, fed pets, etc while she played with her phone.

I do not dislike then girl at all thanks wendysue for realising that.
Her mother is a widow and I gather she,expects a lot, ie came to stay for month last year without any contributions, which I felt was unfair as they have enormous rent to pay. We always like to pay our way and not take advantage.

We have to accept and respect,if My son is happy great, but will not make 400 mile round trip in mid winter again, make summer visit insteadl

Thanks wendysue for trying to understand.

My son is a bit of a high flier and he spends lot time travelling, they arenot married, I think you misunderstood me because our son was trying with no help it was quite obvious. Of course he should help but it is extremely rude In My book to spend day at a spa Xmas eve when they both insisted on us going.
It is not even high standards to expect to be warm !

Her mum is quite outspoken and would say if things weren't right.

Gabrielle Sorry you're unable see your,family,are you estranged from them.?
In reality I don't think you would want to feel cold and uncomfortable.

On contrary I don't dislike sons partner at all I just worry she is all flowery talk and no action if that makes sense. Her two teenage sons rule,the roost they have a dad but he seems happy for our son to foot all bills so it is a worry for us.?As long as he is happy that is all we want,

I do realise wendysue that men do more nowadays but my husband always has that is not the issue, however i tend to do planning and oversee it all and I think that is often the case.

We have given them every support financially and otherwise it is not a question of not liking the girl but i,doubt,her sincerity just hope I am wrong.

Celeb, please don't misunderstand me. I'm NOT criticizing you or DS. In fact, I'm hoping you'll feel better if you consider that his partner may not have been too "lazy" to prepare for/entertain you and DH or trying to blow you off in any way. I'm saying they may just be trying to do things in a new way that you and DH aren't used to (me either) and maybe DS is having a little difficulty with.

Ok, maybe I'm wrong and she is just lazy. But then how come HER mother gets treated so well when she comes to visit? Are you suggesting that she pushes herself for her mum? That maybe she doesn't like you and DH enough to do that? I don't see how that could be when she's warm and friendly.

Or are you saying that DS goes all out for his MIL but not you people? I don't think so either.

So that's why I think it's just a matter of their trying to work out a yours/mine thing. And not anything against you and DH in any way. That may not make you feel any more satisfied with the visit. But if you think I'm right, then hopefully, it will ease any hurt that you may be feeling.

Unlike some PPs, I don't think you dislike DS' partner. I just think you feel offended by some of the things she does/they do. But, IMO, you don't need to be - she is/they are just looking at things differently than you and I do. That's all.

@ bohemian - So sorry you've been ill and that you're feeling alone. Hope it helps to know we're here for you. (((Hugs!)))

@ sola - But we haven't heard from you for a while. Hope you're feeling better by now.

I've seen Kilner jars with handles for coffee as well as drinking out of coffee jars.

It's rather obvious you don't like your son's partner Celebgran - but you need to exercise some tact or things could turn nasty.

Ouch celeb! That's a bit harsh.
Your DIL may not do enough housework but neither does your son.
He didn't prepare any food for your visit either. The coffee jars are definitely a thing, it's trend to use them instead of cups. Check Pinterest

You sound like you don't like your DIL which is fair enough you just sound like different people, if you have made it obvious to her then you can't expect her to want to slave away in a kitchen cooking a 3 course christmas lunch and blitzing the whole house for your arrival.

I think you're missing my point, celeb. I imagine you're looking at this through our generation's eyes, where the woman was always expected to prep for and entertain guests, no matter who they were or which side of the family they were from. And the guy practically got a medal if he pitched in, LOL! The fact that you say, "my poor son did his best" underscores that for me. Why "poor?" Why isn't he expected to cook for you, etc., as much as his partner is? Even if it's true that she doesn't care that much for cooking and cleaning, that doesn't let him off the hook entirely.

I know, I know, you and I come from a different time. But they're more likely to be doing things according to how many young couples (not all, of course) do it today.

I may be wrong, of course. But IF I'm right, no worries - I'm NOT saying he sluffed off. I AM saying that he probably has a lot to learn about entertaining guests. And that he MIGHT have been hoping that his partner would cave and do more of the work, after all.

One thing I totally agree with you on is that it's rude not to be there when an invited guest arrives, unless, maybe you're late by accident. Some people, IMO, take this yours/mine thing too far (if that's what this was about).

celebgran If I could have spent Christmas with my son and granddaughter,
I would have happily drunk from the bottle, and eaten Iceland's finest!

If you could have forgotten your own high standards and accepted that everyone has different priorities, you would have had a much happier time.

Rubylady you should introduce your DS to a washing machine because you do not want piles of dirty washing coming home with him whenever he bothers to come home. Enjoy your new life after he leaves the house. He will appreciate you when he has gone to share kitchens and bathrooms with strangers. Look after no.1 for a change.

Thank you Maggiemaybe and Ana for your wise words. I hadn't thought of the e-card explanation.

It's sad that in some ways virtual greetings are eroding small communities, as neighbours don't seem to verbally communicate anymore - we are all seemingly becoming more insular....

Maggiemaybe sadly I think craftwork is a luxury I certainly could t afford time or money for when bringing up family and working my priorities were hygiene and feeding. Family.

I certainly didn't have time for hobbies then,

Rubylady your DS is in for a shock when he gets to University, he will have to share a kitchen and bathroom with strangers, clean up after himself do his laundry and nobody will want to live with a brat who storms off in a tantrum if he doesnt get his own way. He sounds like a very rude and immature young man. You need to think of yourself a bit more, eat what you like when you like do a few more things you enjoy, use your considerable skills and life experience and leave him to it. Have a lovely New Year and make it about you.

River walk I am not her m I law she is still married to her son's father.

No I am not overly critical I don't happen to like drinking out of coffee jars to my mind a nice glass adds to enjoymnet of drink.

Why bother to post something negative like you did? Without bothering to read anything properly.

When they come to my home I spend hours making sure place is clean and a nice meal ready. Maybe I am too conscientious.

Bohemian that is bit hurtful we had 2 new neibor song recently popped card through their door and they both responded.

However easy get paranoid if you alone and not well wish you well.

Maggiemaybe I think when your partners parents have driven200 miles it is not great idea to be at gymn and spa and make no preparation.
My poor son did his best even offered come and collect us.

I wouldn't dream of offering anyone coffee jar to drink from.
Not question of being domestic goddess really just manners.
I would be ashamed not to prepare for any guests.

It makes me a bit cynical really but not intention of falling out with my son over it he really did his best.

I agree with Maggie that the new neighbour has probably been busy settling in and sorting him/herself out - it's only been just over a week, after all.

Not at all silly to feel vulnerable when you live on your own with no family nearby, especially when you've been ill. I do hope you feel better soon, boheminan and manage to get a bit of confidence back

boheminan, and I hope you start to recover soon.

Perhaps the established neighbours have stopped sending cards - many, particularly younger, people seem to have gone over to e-cards or charitable donations in lieu. I think it's a shame, personally, but times change.

I hope the new neighbour's just been busy over Christmas and will make him or herself known to you soon. We all like to feel that someone's looking out for us, so there's nothing at all silly about your concerns. Best wishes to you.

I'm not sure what forum I should put this on, so forgive me if I'm in the wrong place. I need an outlet for this, as on one level it seems so silly, and on another it hurts and it's going round and round in my head and I don't know what to do, or who to talk to.

Neighbours.

I live on my own in a row of terraces. On one side there's a young couple who have been there for around 7 years, during which time we've exchanged cards at Christmas, up until this year, when they didn't reciprocate. I don't see a lot of them but we 'hello' each other, that's it. On the other side a new neighbour moved in on the 20th Dec, I pushed a card through their door, introducing myself - no response at all. I know this will seem silly to most of you on GN but it's left me feeling more paranoid than ever.

I've been ill over Christmas - still am and I feel weak and vulnerable as I have no family nearby. I'd feel 'safer' if I knew the neighbours were 'looking out for me' but I'm anxious about approaching them in case they see me as being a nuisance.

Anyone having a similar problem? (please be gentle with me, I'm feeling very fragile at the moment)

Celebgran I wouldn't be happy if my MIL made it clear that she doesn't like my crockery/glassware and offers to bring her own!

I'm sure she doesn't like some of your homewares but is perhaps too well-mannered to comment to your face.

To be honest you do sound very critical and quick to find fault.