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Alone for Christmas

(185 Posts)
sola Wed 02-Dec-15 12:13:56

I brought my son up alone as a single parent - he has a very successful life, wife and two children, They're spending Christmas in France with her family, and I haven't been invited, I can cope with being on my own for Christmas - I have been before - but it's hurtful to know that my son doesn't care about how I feel, and doesn't want to include me

J52 Wed 02-Dec-15 12:25:19

flowers How hurtful! I'm not surprised you are upset. You probably can think of other things to do, but that's not the point, is it?

Maybe they will be a bit more considerate and change their minds. I'd wait until after Christmas and have a serious word with him.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better.


Tegan Wed 02-Dec-15 13:22:36

flowers sola. I totally understand how you feel although, thankfully, I will be seeing my family this year.

loopylou Wed 02-Dec-15 13:30:36

Ouch sola, has he actually said he doesn't care about how you feel and doesn't want to include you?

My DS is staying at their own home for Christmas but that certainly doesn't mean he doesn't care etc!

Perhaps it's his inlaws turn to host Christmas, and no offence is intended.

sola Wed 02-Dec-15 14:00:47

Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I will definitely try to talk to him after Christmas. Your understanding messages have made me feel better. x

janeainsworth Wed 02-Dec-15 14:46:12

Sola I'm not sure I understand the scenario here.
Do you mean that your son arranged to go to France with his inlaws and didn't invite you?
Or that the inlaws didn't invite you?
If it's a case of the inlaws not inviting you, it doesn't mean your son doesn't care.

Riverwalk Wed 02-Dec-15 15:17:58

But it would be nice to know that an only child of a single mother would not want to see his mum alone on Xmas day.

Sola you haven't said what previous arrangements have been - he can't spend every year with you and ignore the in-laws so maybe some years you have to make other arrangements.

Luckylegs9 Wed 02-Dec-15 15:29:41

Does he see you at other times? I understand it must be hard not to see them at Christmas, but do they take it in turns whose family to visit? This is what a lot of families do now and bet they are all so busy as a family just do not realise how hurt you are. I think back and know at certain times I could have been more thoughtful. Some people rarely see their families and the only time they get together is at this time of the year. Have you made plans to do something nice on the day that you can enjoy? If I were to be on my own I would have just what I wanted to eat, have a bottle of bubbly and watch television. Then on Boxing Day I would go shopping. Sometimes I get really down and feel forgotten, then I get a phone call and perk up. So remember you are not on your own and try to enjoy it if you can.

Luckygirl Wed 02-Dec-15 16:26:21

Or do the in-laws live in France?

Rubyredshoes Wed 02-Dec-15 16:51:38

Hi Sola, I am in the same situation as you this Christmas. Apparently in my case its the in-laws only wanting their family for their "family" Christmas. Anyway, I'm getting in really nice goodies (i.e. really indulgent bath stuff, smoked salmon, bubbly, chocs) and making the most of a "me" Christmas. Don't forget to keep in touch with the rest of us here on Christmas Day.

boheminan Wed 02-Dec-15 18:21:23

Rubyredshoes. Unfortunately there will be quite a few of us GN'rs on our own on the 25th Dec. For some that will be fine, but for others it can be a very lonely, long stretch.

It's been suggested we start our own Mrs Sharon Claus sleigh delivery service on the 25th (to tidy up behind Mister Santa Claus's overnight efforts of 24th/25th). On the 25th The Sleigh will be picking up any Willing Helpers mid morning onwards.

These GN virtual meetings are great fun for everyone, and all are welcome to join us in the Sleigh ride of your lifetchgrin

Rubyredshoes Wed 02-Dec-15 19:32:01

Hi Boheminan, thanks for the invite and book me a seat on the Sleigh. ]

Smileless2012 Thu 03-Dec-15 15:01:30

I can understand taking it in turns when it comes to who to spend Christmas with but I couldn't enjoy the festivities if I knew a family member was going to be all on their own.

I hope you can enjoy Christmas spoiling yourself rotten Sola and that your son does something wonderful for you when he gets back.

Luckylegs9 Tue 15-Dec-15 05:26:21

Sola, that point you made "knowing my son doesn't care for me", really hit home for me, I really hope this isn't true and just because you don't see him on the Christmas Day, the rest of the time you get on.

Anniebach Tue 15-Dec-15 10:49:59

I will spend Christmas on my own, I brought up

my two daughters from age 5 and 7 alone, younger one and son in law are spending Christmas in their own home , his work has meant they haven't spent Christmas together for five years, I am think it lovely they are going to spend it just the two of them , elder daughter has decided to round up people who help her when her illness takes her down and who will be alone for Christmas and she has asked them to join her, I am so proud of her. I don't doubt their love for me.

If the in laws live in France it's natural they want a Christmas with their children and grandchildren

Synonymous Tue 15-Dec-15 11:22:57

Smilleless2012 - I couldn't enjoy the festivities with a family member on their own either if I could do something about it.

My own DS has three children and this year they have all said they can't have her stay as they want to have Christmas on their own with their OHs. She says she doesn't care but I have known her all her life and know she is in bits from the sad things she has said. I have invited her to come to us but she has said no and I just wonder if it is because the whole of our family will be here. I suppose it might make her feel worse. sad
My DD is aghast that her cousins can be so very unfeeling - and so am I although I am aware from experience that they lack empathy. There are so many thoughtless people out there and somehow, at this time of year, small hurts can become raging sores very easily.

flowers cupcake wine to all those on their own and/or hurting.

Cagsy Tue 15-Dec-15 11:30:52

It's so difficult isn't it? My DD and family always spend Christmas with us then travel to MiL the day after Boxing Day and stay a few days. When I've questioned it she says that they don't really 'do' Christmas and are quite happy knowing they'll be down just after. As I'll have both DSs and all 4 grandchildren I feel truly blessed. My husband and I always include my ex as he's the Dad of my oldest two and would hate them to ever have had to choose, or for him to be alone.
Our really big event is this coming Sunday when I host my sisters and their children & grandchildren - 40 of us this year at the last count! I get very anxious at this stage as I'm really busy at work and trying to find time to plan is a struggle, but I know once we're all together the details don't matter. I'll make sure there's plenty to eat and drink and just let the chaos take it's course - and hope the house recovers!
None of us know when our situations will change do we, so I try to enjoy what I have while I have it. My thoughts are with any of you alone and feeling lonely and well done to those of you determined to indulge yourselves and make the most of it.
Hope all of you manage to experience the joy and blessing of this Christmas time.
Cagsy wine

harrigran Tue 15-Dec-15 11:32:18

I am sorry if this is hurtful, but why would you expect to be invited to spend Christmas with your son's in-laws ? My DIL's parents live at the other end of the country and accept that there are times when they will be away from me. GC have two sets of GPs and they are entitled to share Christmas with them too.

patd Tue 15-Dec-15 11:48:44

I am so lucky, i have never spent a xmas alone, always been with my children, as they got older and had their partners parents to consider i have always been included in one or more of the childrens xmas day. I think i would be heartbroken if i never saw any of my children xmas day.

Anniebach Tue 15-Dec-15 12:25:16

We are all so different, I feel so lucky I can spend Christmas Day alone in full knowledge it is my choice, I have no wish to take a five hour car journey to spend it with adored younger daughter and she fully understands and respects my decision, I have no wish to spend it with adored elder daughter and at least five people I hardly know and she fully understands and respects this

Synonymous Tue 15-Dec-15 12:32:01

harrigran - perhaps it is the way it was done, OP doesn't say. I have to say that I would rather not be invited by DS's in-laws - been there, done that. grin I would go again for the sake of the family but it is tricky keeping my tongue between my teeth!
I can see that when it is a single parent and a single child that can either make it very easy or very tricky depending on all the relationships involved and who the pressure is coming from.
It doesn't take much to tip the scales one way or the other either so it is wise to be as amenable and understanding as possible to preserve good relationships!
In our DDIL's family there are also GGPs involved so their family is thinly spread and we have to take our turn.
Our own family always makes sure that we are 'catered for' by one or other of DC, fortunately for us, and for the first time in years we will all be together in our home which is going to be a very precious time. We intend to make the most of it. tchsmile

grannyactivist Tue 15-Dec-15 13:37:31

A few days ago I got a 'wrong number' phone call from an elderly lady who thought she'd dialled her bank. This often happens so with good grace I explained that no, I am not Barclay's Bank and told her that she had mis-dialled. She thanked me for my kind response and we exchanged a few sentences before I put the phone down.

A couple of minutes later the phone rang again; I answered to the same lady and smilingly exlained that I was still not Barclay's bank and that she had mis-dialled again. This time the conversation lasted for about ten minutes (seemed much longer) and she told me her age, she's 90, what she did in the war and how she met her husband.

Yes, a few minutes later the phone rang again. This time I found the correct (0345 - not local) number for her to phone and we chatted for even longer as I realised that she was obviously lonely and at that point I wasn't in a hurry so had the time to listen to her. She shared with me her (very interesting) working background and that she was widowed and is a regular visitor to the local Senior's Club. I asked about her plans for Christmas and she explained that she would be alone on Christmas, guess who's coming to share Christmas dinner with us? I'm off to meet her this afternoon. tchgrin

Anniebach Tue 15-Dec-15 13:43:48

Good for you, so kind

grannyactivist Tue 15-Dec-15 13:53:52

Doesn't feel so much kind as 'meant to be' really. My own family are all away on Christmas Day so the Wonderful man and I had already discussed who we could invite instead and decided to ask anyone and everyone who would otherwise be on their own. We do get a kick out of having strangers to eat with us and I occasionally allow myself to wonder if we have sometimes 'entertained angels'. tchsmile

Smileless2012 Tue 15-Dec-15 14:00:41

Perhaps grannyactivist the 'angels' you have previously entertained have themselves been entertained by 'angels'flowerstchsmile.