Alone for Christmas

My teenage GC were given the drinking jars for Christmas and they were a huge success. They are very trendy.

I think the drinking jars are a bit of a trend at the moment. I've been bought some for Christmas and like the look of them - though they do have straws included

celebgran, surely the only important thing is that your DIL gave you a warm welcome and was kind to you during your visit? We're not all cut out to be domestic goddesses, and with her full time job, teenage family and craftwork she can't have much time to be lazy.

If you really think that she deliberately tried to make your Christmas miserable, of course that's another matter entirely

Wow we have had amazing day ?Invited to good friends for lunch and tea and it was soooo good relaxing and they went to so much trouble. We been friends for a long time but not spent day in their home for ages it did us so much good as we were very irritable and stressed before we went!

To be honest the difficult xmas left us both drained.

Bless you wendysue sons partner is in good health butmjustmtadmlazymand addicted to her iPhone. She prefers to do craft work and is skilled at. needleworkm to be fair she works full time also. I realise she can't do it all and she prefers to sit around on iPhone or sewing to actual cooking. Or cleaning.

Glad not just be about coffee jars,
Our son is very high earner but,they rent huge house so lot outgoings and both had debts. She knew I named jars on Last visit and we offered them glasses when they visited were refused? ,!?
Madge keep your chin up and he's agree smileless that was lovely post from ruby lady,

Smileless2012 Thank you for your lovely comment. I am frequently up during the night, health problems means I can't stay awake for a full day so tend to have to sleep late afternoon/evening so up later but I have to admit that I love it, when all is still, quiet and at peace with the world instead of busy, noisy and my son asking for my attention, lol.

I hope you are having a great time in Oz and the weather is not too hot for you. Are you visiting relatives?

Great word, Anya! Have you been catching up on Dickensian this afternoon too?

Piffle.

The only people I know who put themselves out to invite lonely people to their home are Christians, but you would never suspect it as they are not preachy. As someone who lives mostly alone, I am struck by how infrequently friends who are couples never invite singletons to their dinner parties etc. The kind thing to do is to invite even those who we are not particularly fond of to our homes and make them feel welcome. Life isn't all about our cosy easy get togethers.

grannyactivist What a lovely couple you are to invite an old lady for Xmas lunch I am sure she will enjoy telling you her life stories I mean that in a nice way sad that she is on her own .. I am lucky that I am close to my children but some folk live too far away and cannot make it to see their children......

Celeb, I'm so sorry your visit with DS and his partner wasn't totally satisfactory. As I mentioned in the other thread, they may have decided to take a yours/mine approach to family. Or that may be what she wants but he's resisting. So you get them each waiting for the other to buy/prepare food when you and DH come and it ends up with nothing being ready and so forth. IOWs, you may be getting caught in the crossfire of a silent conflict between them (sigh). Since she's friendly to you, I strongly suspect that's it. Either way, again, very sorry about this.

As for the idea that their teenage sons were supposed to clean up - well, maybe they were supposed to but didn't - the risk of counting on teenagers, I guess. If I'm right about a conflict between them over who entertains his parents and so forth, then this may have been an attempt at compromise - you know, so neither of them had to clean up, the boys would do it (yeah, so much for that!).

I know it must hurt to hear that her mother gets treated "like royalty" (or whatever your exact words were, I don't have your post in front of me). I hope neither DS nor his partner are telling you about this - that would be very insensitive of them, IMO. I hope you're getting this idea from photos on FB or something like that. But if you are, please remember that FB photos don't show everything. There may be some slights and frustrations you don't see/hear about.

But if they're doing the yours/mine thing, then it's up to DS' partner to do for her mother and maybe she goes at it whole hog. No conflict there, the way there is when you people come to visit and she starts expecting him to be the host. That might explain the difference. You see what I mean? Perhaps it's not the case. but maybe...

Madge, first I'm going to chime in with the others and remind you there are people who need and value you, including those of us here. Even if DD doesn't always treat you the way she should, I'm sure you mean a lot to her and her kids. And how about your other DDs? I'm so sorry for the hurt you've suffered, but as you can see, you're not alone. Please don't think of checking out because of it. Just come and vent here when you're upset. You'll get plenty of support. (((Hugs!)))

You know, I'm sorry about the rift between you and SIL and the fact that DD lied to you about Xmas. Is it possible that there was a conflict between her and SIL over how to spend Xmas and they ended up changing plans last minute? Or that she lied so as not to hurt your feelings or make you feel left out? You ended up getting hurt, anyway, but she didn't know that would happen. Please give her the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately, Madge and Ruby. I think some young people have a very hard time accepting their parents infirmities and go into denial. I had a brother like that - just couldn't deal with it when either of our parents were ill or suffering from a disability. If it's any comfort, I don't think it means they don't care, just that they can't handle it. And if they feel they still need our help, as with your DD, Madge, then I suspect it's even harder for some of them to face the reality of our health issues.

Still, I know it must make things more difficult for you when,on top of your health problems, you have this pressure to be your "old self." All I can say is please try to ignore that pressure and do what's best for you. (((Hugs))) to you both!

What a lovely post rubylady. I hope you're OK, to be on line in the early hours of the morning must mean you're finding it hard if not impossible to sleep. I'm in Oz at the moment so am 8 hours ahead of you. I hope you don't see this post for several hours because you're now sleeping.

I don't know what to say to you Madge, except to repeat rubylady's kind words. You are worthwhile, and deserve the love, care and companionship that we all do and you're not alone. You'll find many virtual friends on GN so don't despair. Take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself and take care.

Madge Please don't think like that, you are vital to other people, people on here for one and can find others who will value you and what you can give them and you will find that they give back in return, unlike the people we share blood bonds with, unfortunately, but there it is.

It is dreadfully hurtful to be told that someone is not bothered when you are suffering with a disease and are undergoing tests and you have to find the strength to go through it virtually alone. But put it on here how you are doing, PM me if you want, do anything to get you through it and to feel ok about yourself.

I have had my family turn their back on me, my son walks away at times if I cannot breathe, at other times will make a brew or get my inhaler for me but is hardly the carer of the year. My DD does not want to know and has not spoke to me for nearly 2 years, even though she knows of my health conditions. Other family expect me to be the partying person I was some years ago but I am not now and so they leave me alone now. Good, I will get on without them all.

I have some tests to undergo soon, which I have put off due to nursing my dad but I have to put myself first now. So tests and also I will go and see what the food bank do as I might try to give an hour to them to talk to people coming in for food. I'll see how things go but my life has to change a bit this year, starting also with the slimming club next week, get some of this weight off, for my health.

My DS, who I currently live with (for the next 8 months til he goes to uni) tells me that I am old, my taste is terrible with whatever I do, puts me down regularly. Roll on University opening its doors this year because I will start to live again properly when I am free from this abuse. Until then I will plan my way through the next few months, and hopefully time will fly by.

So come on, chin up, no talk of suicide or I won't have anyone to grumble to! Make some plans for yourself, see if there is anything in the area you are in now which is more for your age or interests. Let me know what you find out. Take care love, you are a very worthwhile person, keep telling yourself until you believe it. Xxx

I can empathise completely. How can they enjoy themselves knowing your left alone? What happened to all we taught them? Kids don't owe us anything by right but as parents themselves they'll know we 'earned' it.

How sad but reassuring to know that I'm not alone. Well I am actually, since I moved to be closer to the eldest of 3 daughters for health reasons. It was supposed to be her helping me but with two grandchildren & a husband who works away from home all week, it's been the other way around.

He and I had a falling out almost 2 years ago & it was 100% my fault. My daughter put the phone down on me when I expressed an opinion that it was a 'big ask' for her MIL to take her 2 yr old away to their caravan for 4 days - on the day of her birthday.

Me & D made it up & got back to being really close & mutually helpful although it exhausted me (I have an incurable, progressive disease). I apologised to him & explained I was under a great deal of stress since I was being tested for cancer of the throat. His response was 'I don't care, I just don't care.
I'm not allowed in their house if he's there & have to get out pronto when he's on his way home.

My D told me that they were spending Christmas at home and due to a road diversion I passed her MiL house on Xmas day to see her car their & that house all lit up and load of his family there. I spent xmas day contemplating suicide. I am taking time to decide how I should react to being lied to & all the other hurt.

At 65 I don't relish the thought of moving house again but right now I just want to get way from it all,

Hi Nelliemoser, how was your vegi Christmas lunch? Did you do the traditional nut loaf. I suspect this year many more people will move towards either giving up meat, or continuing to eat less of it.

I've noticed jars are the thing for smoothies, they usually use a straw. I didn't think they were meant to use without a straw. It's a bit like in restaurants, ordering your meal and it comes out on a bread board.

If you move celebgran there is no guarantee they will stay in the area.

Celebgran, sorry your visit was not more pleasant - it's always miserable to be cold in someone else's home. Is your DiL well? I ask as it sounds as if she finds it hard to make much effort with food, cleaning. The coffee jars is odd, I've not come across that sort of thing since student flats in the 1960s! Does she have glasses that she doesn't bother to get out or is money very tight perhaps?
Your son must be so distressed by it all, no wonder he'd like you nearer.

I got out a bottle of Peroni my favourite beer and it is still on the kitchen table. I have had no alcohol this week since I tried some very nasty red wine I was going to use as a wine gravy.

(It all went a bit wrong which is a good reason to stick to your old trusty recipe.)
" I thought my mother was a bad cook but at least her gravy moved."
(or at least it did not taste vile.)

You can't be serious! (as McEnroe would say) - drink out of coffee jars???? Is this April 1st?

Well it hasn't been a bundle of laughs, but I have survived another year of Christmas. I should have DGs's arriving tomorrow so I am doing a full vege christmas dinner.

Oh I see! How odd - I thought people used them for vases etc. not to drink out of...

Definitely charleyngirl!

Sad as i love spend time with our son.

Ana they are the Doug Egbert glass jars? Horrid like drinking out of jam jars,

celebgran it sounds as though I was 50 million times better off on my own-I even used a proper wine glass for my wine with my evening meal. my house was very cosy, appreciated by my cat!!!

It does sound a long trip to be treated in that way and to be cold as well to me would be the end. I feel sorry for your poor son. You may well be better off spending Christmas together in your own home next year with everything around you.

Coffee jars? You mean, like the jars Nescafé comes in?

Nana seaside that is very sad.

It is lovley to be able enjoy your grandchild though so guess you can't rock the boat.

We just returned from my dear son who I adore.

Have or say his partner does talk and we are fond of her, but I did put on estrangement thread she is very very don't like say lazy but Leave It all to our son, absolute minimum effort all frozen veg for Xmas lunch, we took lovley crackers, wine, champagne, etc the meal was dreadful really.
Sorry sound horrid ungrateful but we wonder if its deliberate, maybe she resents us there, her mum is in s..Africa. Who knows as she is very welcoming verbally.
When we arrived it was v cold, wet towels on radiator in our room, the boys her teenage sons were supposed to have cleaned?,! no food prepared fish chips collected by our son.

Mmmm I guess I go to too much trouble it's very unlikely we Will travel 200miles to stay there again.
So hard when our lovely son is all we have, but we were so cold, and felt for our son trying to do his best with it all.

He desperately wants us to move nearer, but don't think that would be great as we have all our friends and social life here.

I think he felt embarrassed, she offered us drink I said oh gin tonic please, no tonic,maybe orange no juice mm poor oh ended up with instant hot chocolate I did get martini and lemonade so that was nice. It just felt like she obviously had made no effort and was quite ok with that, she said sorry this came out of packets and isn't hot?! We also drink out of coffee jars, I offered them glasses and mentioned wasn't keen on jars, dh and I had to laugh as jars were all that appeared.

Sorry must stop ranting.

Wendysue. I meet more and more Wendys as I get older. I volunteer for a small charity and there are four of us. I have even come across one with the same surname (online - Future Learn)