Alone for Christmas

SrWendy I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your daughters, and sorry not to have responded before - the thread went quiet for about 2 weeks so I stopped looking. All the more reason for your son not to leave you alone at Christmas - I'm glad you're going to be with them this year. You're very brave. I hope you have a great time.

GrannyA, I'm sure that's the right decision. You have to consider everyone's safety and security, rather than allow understandable feelings of sympathy to result in one person dominating in what could be an emotionally, if not physically unpleasant way.
Sending very best wishes for the Christmas season x

GrannyA I think your decision to not allow the person you were thinking about into your house is sound. You probably know more about his background which obviously you do not want to post on here.

I know how sad you can feel for someone who has had a very "messy" life, but for your own sake you have to use judgement when dealing with anyone who has possible history of aggression or such and may present a potential danger to others.

There were regulars I encountered in Social Work who you felt incredibly sorry for but could not and should not trust.

granny What a lovely story. please don't feel bad about the homeless man, it is not you who would make the invite intolerable but him and you are doing your best by him by taking him food and drink, so please feel proud of yourself and enjoy your day with your other visitors.

I will be with my son, although I should imagine that a lot of the time I will be spending it alone while he is in his room or with friends as he is at this moment. I have done all the big family meet up thing, both as a child and as a wife and mother and am now enjoying the peace of it being less of us as family members have gone on to do their own thing more over the years. I think nowadays it is more that families tend to keep more to themselves than to mix with extended, maybe it's the age of the internet that people do not travel to see family but skype instead, just a thought?

So I will record some good tele, eat what I like (although I am doing the big dinner thing as it is DS's last Christmas living at home), play the games I have bought him, Buckaroo, Battleships, Snakes and Ladders etc, and then enjoy a leisurely nap.

And look forward to making new plans for the New Year ahead.

Boatman - I'm sorry I've only just seen your post, otherwise I would have responded before. You're right, some people have no idea how lucky they are, but you can see from this thread that there are also people who understand how alone you feel and want to help. If you're in poor health you must see your GP regularly. Is he/she aware how isolated you are? Any decent GP would try to help reduce your isolation by for example suggesting organizations you could contact locally, or who could contact you. if you're the age of the rest of us, have you tried contacting Age UK? Keep an eye on this thread [and others which you feel may help] and I will too from now on .

I was very jealous when my DIL had her parents to stay on Christmas Day on our only GC's first Christmas. A few months later my DIL's father died and so never got to see the lovely lady who is our DGD growing up. I am so glad he got to spend that first Christmas Day with her.

The cost of progress?

grannya I imagine one ninety year old woman is very excited to be invited to Christmas dinner by someone she met on the phone. Great story!

Just to show that I'm not a saint I think I should share that after a lot of heartsearching and discussion with the Wonderful Man I decided today that I will NOT be inviting a local rough sleeper to join us for lunch.
I do feel very bad about it, but there are safety issues and when I met with the person today it was obvious that things could go very badly wrong; there would undoubtedly be a clash with another person I'm expecting to join us. So my friend (who runs the homelessness project with me) and I will deliver hot food at lunch and a picnic tea instead. I know it's the right decision, but it'll be very hard when I have my nice warm house to go back to. Rough sleeping is no joke at any age, but this person is older than me and if the weather is cold or wet I shall feel so wretched about it.

You are very kind to invite her however if I enjoyed a glass (or two ) with my lunch I would still indulge, she is one very lucky lady.

Inishowen my 'wrong number' lady has already told me that she's teetotal and so we shall probably all be on the Schloer or something similar for lunch. After she's gone home though........I have some very nice cassis that's been maturing for two years. Hic!

Londoner what a sad story allowing money to cause a rift stopping you seeing your grandchildren have you made every effort to heal the rift as life is short

grannyactivist, you are a star! Many years ago my elderly aunt was standing at a bus stop in Liverpool on Christmas Eve. She never married so had no family, but she never minded being on her own. However a middle aged couple starting chatting to her and invited her for her Christmas lunch. The next day she arrived at their house, where they were knocking back the booze. The lunch was never cooked. They just got drunk and my aunt slipped away when they fell asleep. Of course I know your lady is going to have a lovely time as you are so kind.

Invite her anyway, lillie and be generous without wanting to make her recant and piling coals of fire on her head for being mistaken in where she directed her love. It is not charitable to only give in return for a grovel.

Lillie two wrongs don't make a right. You should swallow your hurt and invite her.

grannyactivist. You're lovely. God ,that was a tear jerker !

I agree with Candelle, the past is the past but there is sometimes an opportunity to swallow one's pride and make amends. For 20 years my MiL preferred to spend Christmas with her DD, sending our family just a card and small gift. Same for birthdays etc. Fair enough, it was her choice. Now she is elderly, lonely and her DD no longer bothers. My husband says if only once she would apologise for neglecting our family, and acknowledge that her DD wasn't all perfect, then he would be inviting her to spend Christmas and other family occasions with us in a flash. As it stands we can't bear her telling us how wonderful her DD is all the time, it puts a rift between brother and sister.

We would love to invite someone who is on their own this Christmas for lunch or something, but unfortunately due to my disability don't get out much ourselves and so don't know anyone like this. Does anyone know if there is some way that we could offer our friendship/company?

I don't worry about Christmas Day at all - if my kids are with their other 'in-laws' when it's their turn, then I just have a day of blissful relaxation with plenty of nice food and some old films on TV. I might even take a gentle stroll if the weather is good.
Come Boxing Day, and probably New Year, the hordes descend, and I won't get a sit down for a week, so I enjoy the peace and quiet while I can!
I'm lucky that I always get to see my family at some time over the festive season, and that's all that matters.

grannyactivist you should not feel embarrassed, that is a lovely gesture.

I will be on my own but it does not bother me particularly. I fancy something very different for Christmas lunch- it will be seafood platter and I will thoroughly enjoy it while watching a programme that I have previously recorded. Not to everybody's taste food wise but no hassle here with cooking.

Oo-er I'm feeling a bit embarrassed now.

grannyactivist I just read your post out to my DD and she choked up - as I did when I first read it. What wonderful people you and your OH are. I feel very humbled.

Boatman So sorry to read your post. Having poor health and being on one's own must be very very difficult.

Did you see Bohemian's post? Some GN-ers are coming together on Christmas Day for an on-line natter and virtual Christmas. Why don't you consider joining them?

Many organisations do understand that not everyone has family or family members nearby and offer a Christmas lunch with some good company (local churches?). You have your computer, so why not search for what is available near you? It could be the boost you need.

Please don't be on your own, be brave, make contact with others (it is difficult to take the first step, I know) and consider speaking to your GP as you do sound a bit low.

Do return to Gransnet and tell us if you have been able to locate any orgies, oops, festive lunches. You will have to make the first move 'though...........

Otherwise, may I wish you Season's Greetings!

Grannyactivist - I can only echo other GN-ers: what a star! Your invite is such a lovely gesture and I hope you both have a really lovely time. I shall be thinking of you on Christmas Day!

Londoner - I was so sad to read your story. Despite what has happened in the past, is it worth you swallowing your pride and trying to make contact once again with your son and daughter? Although you can never undo what has been said, this hurt may be mitigated by possible contact with your family. Worth a try?

Galen - did you know that Celebrity (our favourite line) have dispensed with formal nights? I now have a rack of gowns which, unless I am invited to some very glamorous weddings are redundant. Or change lines, I suppose.

Our DD2 is going to her in-laws this Christmas Day, which is absolutely fine. We will be at DD1 with her family, so not on our tod. We are having the whole family here on the 27th for another 'Christmas Dau' but as I think everyone will be suffering from a surfeit of turkey, I have a completely different menu planned.

What I really don't understand is that some DC will be visiting their in-laws but in many circumstances, the invitation - particularly if no long-distance travel is required - is not extended to both sets of parents. We have been invited once to DD2's in-law (only Mother is alive) but perhaps it is just too much to have our other DD and her family there too.

I am more than happy to have our DD2's Mother-in-law here on Christmas Day but she does not like leaving her house, so won't come. I could even have DD2's sister-in-law and her family and mother-in-law, too. A squeeze but do-able as that would take us up to fifteen for lunch.

As it stands, our poor DD2 has a choice which is alternating Christmas Day - which she does - or having two turkey meals on one Christmas Day. A feat she tried one year and said never again!

I to am on my own not just at Christmas,, I have no family, not in good health, se no one, for days on end the aloneness eats at you, i would give anything for family and friends, some people don't know how lucky they are.