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New boundaries and eggshells ...

(56 Posts)
Luckygirl Mon 04-Jan-16 12:36:47

You are half way there by just being aware that you will need to tread carefully. The arrival of a GC does change the balance of the relationship.

Congratulations both on your perception and on the arrival of your GC!

elena Mon 04-Jan-16 12:33:38

Just being aware is the most important thing smile

You did well not to suggest turning her phone off....she can think of that one by herself smile

Instead, just listen and share her concern. 'Trouble is, everyone just wants to wish you well, and they don't think that loads of others are doing the same!'

Sometimes, when people have a 'problem' they don't want suggestions, however brilliant, at solving it. They just want someone to listen.

If you really do want to suggest something, then pehaps you can phrase it like this, 'I wonder, would it help if ....?' and not 'well, maybe you should.....'

Enjoy being a grandmother. It is one of the greatest joys in life.

ninathenana Mon 04-Jan-16 12:25:10

I like your words of advice pensionpat not heard it put like that before but I totally agree with the sentiment.
imperfect It's all raw emotions at the moment, try and relax and I'm sure you will soon settle into being the perfect granny smile

pensionpat Mon 04-Jan-16 12:17:08

I think the rules change. And the unspoken rules are the hardest. But you are obviously aware of this and will work it out. Only advice is this. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth. Use them in the same ratio. Enjoy your new role!

Imperfect27 Mon 04-Jan-16 12:16:25

P.S. I don't mean to sound critical of my DD or SIL in any way - I am just thrown by the changes around me and I know /I am a pretty forthright person so I am busy lecturing myself smile

Imperfect27 Mon 04-Jan-16 11:41:46

Hi - at this moment I think I am the newest granny here - first GS born yesterday smile , but already I am learning very quickly that a new set of boundaries is in place. I would say I have a good relationship with my DD and SIL, but all of a sudden I am having to reign in my enthusiasm about becoming a granny and am waiting to be invited / told / learn (by osmosis?) what is required of me ... all the ground rules of parent/child relationship have changed overnight and from being a confident mum who never ever thought I needed to analyse / double check / I am suddenly aware that I am a very unconfident granny who doesn't want to do the wrong thing and who is going to have to learn the art of being silent - never imagined it would be a problem, but suddenly not an easy task! (It has begun with not saying a word about 'perhaps turning your phone off DD', when she is complaining a) of being exhausted and b) inundated by messages from well-wishers on the day she has given birth. I know I have a very loving and kind daughter and a very respectful son-in-law who will want me to be hands on, but I am alert to the mine-field of possibilities for apparently imposing when I only mean to be helpful. I suspect this is very common. xx