Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

In my post there gone walk about ?I just wanted say oh yogagirl just text you nd and say sorry you didn't mean upset her over the chOc. Mums are very like that now M has only recently allowed D choc or cake and not much ?

We are fragile and it is so sad how the estrangement has made us so vulnerable.

I feel stupid for,trying again at Easter only to be rejected and when will I ever learn,
It opens up all the wounds again.

Focus on my dear husband and the lovely people we do have I really must.

Is damn hard.

Smilelss I realise that never running into T or little ones is probably less painful than for you here's ????to getting good offer on house and bless your husband.

Bum I did long post this afternoon and what happened to it? More later just wanted say oh smiless so pleased oh agreed move anything save that heartache xx

I drove up to our village shop this afternoon, first time since I injured my foot and thought I'd see how it felt. Not too bada little uncomfortable but it was a relief to manage it.

I drove past their house and there was my little GS on the neighbors front garden, she was strapping the baby into the car so I couldn't see him but that other precious little boy has the most beautiful auburn hair. It's exactly the same colour as my mum's when she was young; the same colour as his great grandmother who he'll never know.

I told Mr. S. I'd seen him and he told me not to be sad as I'll never have to face that again when we move. He said when we get a buyer we'll put an offer on the house I've rather fallen in love with providing its still available of course. So that must be that then; thank you Mr. S., where would I be and what would I do without you.

That's what they do UkeCan these children who abandon us, they make us feel responsible, inadequate and failures as parents. Be proud of yourself, your children and what you've done with your life.

You have a son who after 15 years of drug addiction has been clean for 5 years. What an amazing accomplishment, you must be so proud and I wouldn't mind betting that your love and support helped him get drug free and help him to stay that way. Because your DD is such a lovely person her husbands family love her. Because you're kind hearted you took back the man who twice betrayed you in an effort to keep your family together.

Thank you for you kindness and support; I'm glad you've found us and I hope you stay in touch.

Oh dear Yogagirl, that's another part of the cruel legacy they've left us with; fear. You have a wonderful relationship with your DD and now you're worrying because you gave a little bit of white chocolate to your DGD and your DD wasn't happy about it. You've lost a D, a GD you knew and loved and 2 other GC you've never even met but love them all the same. You've lost your son and there's always that nagging fear that we'll lose the children we still have in our lives. A small disagreement plays on our minds, Celeb was in the same place a couple of months ago and I worried we'd lose our DS for nearly 2 years because of the poison they were drip feeding him.

Get in touch with her, maybe apologize for not asking her before you gave your DGD that tiny piece of chocolate then make arrangements for your next meet up. Attitudes have changed so much since our children were little. So much of what we did is now considered wrong, it's a miracle any of our children survived their childhood.

Thanks Celebbut he hasn't responded and he wont. It takes courage and integrity to stand up and be counted and the son who blocks his parents from his 'phone with no warning or explanation has neither, nor does the daughter who dumps her parents with a letter sent 2nd class.

Hope all is well with you Rhinestone,Wendysue and Luckylegs. Take care everyone.

Welcome UKECAN61-I'm sorry that you are having a bad tim but you came to the right place. I know we don't have any say legally when our kids estrange themselves from us but you may want to speak to an authority like a lawyer . Not sure you call them that over the pond. In the states there is a law that if your child is divorced or has passed away you have a legal right to see your GC. It couldn't hurt to check it out. Unfortunately no rights for us that have mean, cruel and stubborn chikdren.

Rhinestone I've thought the same when watching that programme. Your farm visit sounded lovely.

Celebgran How nice to get an extra hug from your NS sounds like you had a good Easter visit from them.

Smileless Sounds like you had a bit of a panic attack, best thing to go to bed till it passes, how our C can hold their heads up & sleep at night with what they have done to their loving parents is beyond me.

Felt bad over the w/e, even though had a lovely Friday at the Boatyard, busy Sat & Sun with my Easter classes and then Monday pushed myself to go to the beach for a walk, but turned out to be a bad idea as all the bikers were there, packed! Walk on the beach wasn't pleasant as so windy, so when I turned to walk back, all the sand was whipping into my face and poor little Lilly was nearly blown off her little feet I pushed myself to go as feeling so depressed with this situation, thinking about the Easter Egg hunt I would have done for GD & GS and all the fun they would have had and with baby too So my spirits didn't get lifted as they would normally with a nice walk on the beach, then just sat on my own feeling sorry for myself. Also I think my ND may be annoyed with me, as at the meal, baby got lots of white eggs and my sis.i.l & I gave baby a little bit of white choc, about the size of my little finger nail. My ND txt my on her return from her w/e away with a little article on why choc is bad for baby before they are a year old, I txt back' rubbish, a little taste won't harm once, but I haven't heard from her today and even when she goes away she calls or txt or sends a pic of baby, so apart from the little article on choc, I haven't heard from her since I saw her on Friday

UKeCan61 smileless is right saying don't worry as it may never happen, but I can understand how you must be feeling. Oz is quite an expensive place to live now, unlike before. So sorry to hear about the estrangement with your D and the probs with seeing you Son's C, you will get to see your S C soon I'm sure, but awful situation for you. I know how much it can effect your day to day life and your enjoyment of the things you would normally love to do, It effects me like that too. to try and cheer you up a bit.

Must dash

Sorry to hear your daughter and son Had problems ukeca. 61 sadly lot of young people do my daughter seemed have it all we supported her through 4 years at uni and she qualified as pharmacist like her dad, then supported her wedding, desire to have baby, diagnoisie od of polycystic ovaries, etc etc, paid for private treatment accompanied her, in snort I loved her and wanted to do my best,to always, I have drawer of cards and letters thanking me.

Sadly her Husband seemed turn against us and I didn't see the signs, T myndaighter and I were extremely close, he may have bee. Jealous, we also used to row badly at times both a bit volatile.

Anyway nothing. Could prepared me for the letter telling me she was cutting us out of her life, we werent good enough basically I ca s till remember tho 7 years ago the devastation of that letter, se t 2nd class post, s I law then ra g her godparents.

She has never once, contacted us since, we found out via third parties a out 2 more little girls born, never allowed even photo, it is beyond cruel,
We have rebuilt our lives and I thank god for our wonderful son, good friends and dead nephew wife and little one we are close to.

We all support each other on here and it is a life line you are most welcome and will find great support.

Hi Celebgran, Thankyou too for your kind welcome. I too felt so sad when I read Smileless' sad story. Unfortunately some children are used as ammunition and denied the love that their parents and grandparents desperately want to give them. For those of us who are denied access there is no easy answer, all we can do is hope that one day those children will become curious and seek out their wider family. I keep a box where I can put things in for the DGD who is now 9 months old. One day I hope she will know that I held her as a baby and love her. Also those of us with estranged adult kids have to look after ourselves amd our health. When I get down about it I always end up getting every virus, cough, cold and then sinusitis that's going and my Dr told me that when one is feeling down and stressed our immunity goes down and we succumb to illness.
Take care ;-)

Hi Smileless, thank you so much for your kind words. You have obviously been through/still going through hard times. When I was young I was never career minded because all I wanted was children. I have 3 and was a stay at home mum until the youngest was about 10. I did loads with them when they were young and we used to laugh lots though I obviously got mad too when they were naughty, but on the whole I think we had a pretty normal family. My eldest (estranged) DD has suffered from depression and paranoia over the years since she was a teenager and when she goes through this the whole family suffers. The last time, she said some shocking and hateful things to me and my other DD. I realised then that I had been bullied by her for years but always made excuses for her. I still love her and worry about her but if I have contact she will drive me to an early grave. My DS is a lovely guy but was a drug addict for 15 years. He has been clean now for 5 years and has a good job that he loves. Unfortunately he met and married a girl too quickly after his rehab and she turned out to have mental health problems too. I think my youngest DD enjoys being part of a loving family in New Zealand as her in laws all get on well and love her. It makes me feel like a failure that I wasn't able to hold our family together. I split up with their dad when they were teenagers as he had 2 affairs during our marriage which I forgave and took him back both times but eventually I fell out of love with him. There was no trust left.
I will however try to take your advice and try not to worry about New Zealand till it happens. My DGC are 4 and 6month old girls. I've got to try and snap out this negative thinking.
Thanks again, you have given me hope. ;-)

Ŵwelcome from me ukecan61 also and v sorry you also know pain of estrangement.

Smilelss try and tho your heart is breaking, it.made me so sad to read your post little chap of 4 and babe 5 months denied loving grandparents, it is so sad and wrong and to my dying day I won't understand it, none of us are perfect and we all.make e mistakes. Nothing repeat nothing . Deserves this horrid cut off. More especially to loving parents who gave their lives for their kids.

We went to shops locally as feeling. Yuk sore throat etc saw friend from acquacise with her your under Grandaughter 7 same age as M remember T was pregnant same time boy was it painful crying as type this, just feeling low with virus I think. She was such a dear little girl.

Smilelss hope your Es responds I really do.

Hi UkeCan and welcome. Our estrangement had only been going on for about 6 months when our other son, our only other child, informed us that the talking about going to Aus. was no longer just talk; he and our d.i.l. were making it a reality.

I was as you can imagine, devastated. Having had 'lost' one son I felt as if I was about to lose another. They have been there 3 years now and we've been fortunate to go there to see them twice and are going again at the end of the year.

Initially we found it difficult to have conversations on skype that didn't feel stilted but now they flow and apart from being unable to have those precious hugs, it is as if he's in the room with us.

I am sorry for your estrangement with you eldest D and to hear that your son's marriage has broken down and that you've all been denied access to their baby girl. It's so awful when parents are prepared to use their children as weapons, to deny family members access out of spite. A loving father cannot be denied access to his own child, it can be made difficult for him but if he's prepared to 'fight' using the rights the law allows him, this should not be a situation that cannot be sorted. When he is seeing his daughter once more, then surely you'll be able to see her too.

I understand how the thought of having your lovely D, s.i.l. and GC on the other side of the world depresses you but it hasn't happened yet and may never do so. As difficult as I appreciate this is going to be, try to put such thoughts to one side, especially when they return from their trip so that you're able to fully enjoy the time you spend with them.

You don't say what age your daughters children are but you've already established a relationship with them, one that can be maintained if they do move away.

Where there is love, nothing is impossible. If your DD and her family do move away they will take the love that you have for them with them, and will leave you with the love they have for you. Geographical distance, no matter how great will not diminish your relationship. That happens when hearts harden and love is discarded. Our ES and our only GC live 15 doors down the road. We pass by our 4 year old GS who has no idea who we are, we've never seen his baby brother now nearly 5 months old and have no idea what he looks like.

It is highly unlikely our DS and his wife will have children due to circumstances beyond their control so we will never know the joy that grand parenting can bring. Our physical closeness to our ES has brought us nothing but pain, the great distance between us and his brother however has made us even closer. If they do move to New Zealand, you may find that too, that a relationship you never thought could be any better, becomes so.

Hi, I'm new to this thread and feeling a bit down. My DD and lovely SIL and 2 DGC are visiting his family in New Zealand for a month. They are 2 weeks in now. They are having a lovely time and I'm happy for them. HOWEVER... there are always rumblings about them moving over there. It breaks my heart to even think about it. I have such a close bond to my DD and DGC and couldn't bear to be a long distance Grandma. Facetime or Skype is all very well but I find conversation stilted and you can't touch them or hug and kiss them.
It's made worse by the fact that my eldest daughter has estranged herself from us all and my son has split up from his wife and she has denied us all access to their baby girl.
My DH and I have 4 other DGC from his 2 DC. I love them to bits and we see them quite regularly but I would miss my blood DGC so much it's making me miserable and depressed thinking about it. I am normally always busy, I have lots of good friends, wonderful sister and brother, I sew, I garden, I read, I play ukelele and I'm in a choir. But it's taking away my enjoyment of everything just thinking about them going to the other side of the world.
How do others cope with it?

Ooooh the bunnies are herebut isn't it a bit late nowas after today Easter will be over.

What a miserable day. Mr. S. and I are going out for lunch and no doubt will just come home afterwards because the weather is so awful. I've only been able to wear one pair of shoes because of my foot and they're not water proof so no good in this weather.

Had a very bad morning yesterday and went back to bed for a couple of hours. A pain in my chest, shortness of breath and that horrible butterfly sensation in my stomach and all due no doubt to the email Mr. S. sent ES. No reply of course, and none was expected and it isn't the thought of not getting a response that bothers me it's the thought that we might.

Like you Rhinestone, I've also come to terms with never seeing our ES again as I'll never be able to trust him, and to be honest I just don't want too. I'd do it for the sake of seeing our GS's but that would be the only reason. It's the thought of never being a grandmother that hurts the most. Mr. S. asked one last time if we might get to know our GS's which is why he's been ignored. Wont want us too and doesn't have the balls to say so because he can't justify his cruelty.

I'm so pleased you had a lovely time with your DS Celeb and that you and DH enjoyed a peaceful day Rhinestone. My bro came round for a meal; I felt better for cooking and the feeling of panic has all but gone now, just there in the background.

Hope all is well with you Luckylegs, Wendysue and Yogagirl. When does your ND get back? You must be missing that lovely little grand daughter.

Hi All- I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and for those that celebrate, Happy Easter.
Well my DD was with her husband's family yesterday so DH and I were alone. It was a gorgeous day so we went to a nearby farm to see the new babies born. Then we took a walk ( me in a brace) to see the Herons building their nests. It was a day of peace for us. DH did not send out Easter cards to the two little ones. I stopped buying the cards. I feel confident in saying that my ESS is not telling them who it's from. He knows that our little Aiden would ask where we were. If he can't deal with telling us why he is estranged from us why would he tell a five year old anything about us?
I have been watching the programs where people try to find their biological parents. It occurred to me that these people are so thankful when they find them. And yet our children have their parents and don't give one hoot about them. I have come to terms with never seeing my ESS or his wife again, ever. I'm okay with that as I would NEVER trust them. But I cannot fathom never seeing those boys again. It hurts to think of that.

Yes Yogagirl lovely post.

I felt so happy about seeing Steve and just as they went off he turned back and gave me bonus hug and kiss made me so happy.

Today feel bit low?Hate when they go back.
Peace and happiness to us all k a feeling. ?Sore throat and tum ache so rest. NOw enjoyed carvery but not feeling great good be home,

Happy Easter to you too Yogagirl what a lovely post. I hope everyone enjoys this Easter weekend and spends time with people they love who love them in return.xx.

Easter is a time of peace and love. To be with our families & friends. It is a time when we say a quiet thanks for all that we have and for all that the future holds. Christ has risen today! The Easter egg symbolises new life, new beginnings. Happy Easter to all my gransnet friends. God Bless xx

Morning girls

Nice long interesting post Smileless, I wish you luck with the email, you never know.... Why if the S/D in-law doesn't want to see us, why can we not just see our D/S & the GC

Glad to hear you had your cuddle or two Celebgran I haven't looked on FB yet, J took a couple of pics with me & baby, which will hopefully go on at sometime, there was also a good pic of us all on Mothers day that I haven't seen, as I don't always go on FB and unless you're tagged, it goes down and you miss it! Yes we had a lovely lunch, such a lovely sunny day, I think the whole of the South of England had gone to Old Leigh, it was really packed!

Thank you Luckylegs hope you are enjoying the Easter w/e.
I'm busy with classes today and tomorrow, but have Monday off

Smilelss the first hug was wonderful sneaked In quite a few, was great to see them all, poor Steve was working. His teaching online to states til 3am and traffic was very bad. Never mind, they just gone and d coming back tomorrow yippee.

We enjoyed fish and chips poor Gra has wait ages so busy Rodney went with him. Was soooo good all be together.

Yogagirl seen pictures not of you though baby looks gorgeous it was me having senior moment photo is still on Twitter.

Smilelss the letter to Es may work a miracle I certainly hope so.
I told Gra and we may borrow that line about any hope of reconciling the way it was put was good.

No reply to my Easter card of course didn't tell Steve about sending it best if we done mention her it was such difficult drive for him traffic etc.

Hope you not too sad whe. No away Yogagirl we all here for you

Smilelss wonderful that you keeping sense of humour I reckon I would have lost the plot by now.

Yep, the is good Yogagirl but I wanted bunnies, where are the bunnies? Are GNHQ making cuts to the budget, I mean eggs would have been something.

Humour is so important and we certainly have plenty of that. We even manage to make one another laugh about the awful situation with ES, well it's better than crying isn't it.

Well, we had a heart to heart last night and I told Mr. S. that despite his assertions to the contrary that I firmly believed that for him, leaving ES was playing on his mind, that he was worried that it would be the final nail in the coffin so to speak, and that if we stayed there was a chance that things would be resolved, so, I suggested he write to him.

I asked him to make sure ES knew it was coming from him as for me it isn't an issue. He'll always know where we are if he wants too because he can ask his brother. It's made no difference living just down the road, just made it worse to be honest.

He's done a draft of an email and when he read it to me this morning it made me crybecause this mess is sad, such a waste, so silly and unnecessary. Basically, he's asking if there is any possibility of the situation ever being resolved; 'just the smallest glimmer of light before it's extinguished for good' as he put it. He's also asking why, even of he wants nothing to do with us, can't we see the grandchildren we're being deprived of and who are being deprived of us.

Neither of us are expecting a response (I think he'll email it tomorrow). His silence, or nasty response which I hope Mr. S. doesn't receive, will confirm that unless he's prepared to do something about it, things will never change so it doesn't matter where we live. I hope this will enable Mr. S. to see that any decisions we make now should not involve thoughts of ES. He's no longer a part of our lives which is his choice, and we need to focus on what we want that's achievable.

I know you think that being able to catch glimpses of your ED and dear GC would be a good thing Yogagirl but honestly, for us it's been the hardest thing of all. I hope you had a lovely lunch and wont miss them too much while they're away.

I bet that hug with DS was wonderful Celeb, just a littleas I'm going to have for Christmas before I can hug DS in Oz. So pleased you have nice things to look forward too luckylegs. We went out for lunch, couldn't walk very far because of my foot but called in to a huge B&Q to look at storage solutions for bathrooms and possible wall cabinets to compliment the base units in the house that's been refurbished and may be the one we go for, if we go at all of course. Going to friends tomorrow evening, my bro coming on Sunday then out on Monday so busy, busy, busy.

Hope all is well with you Wendysue and Rhinestone. Sorry for the long post.

Morning girls

HAPPY EASTER

As you pointed out Smileless no bunnies, so hope the above will do
You did make me chuckle Smileless with your comment about Mr.S is still breathing you have a good sense of humour in your marriage, which is why you have lasted so long...so far Joke

Celebgran strange how T has taken down the offending picture, can't believe, as I've said before, that anyone could find our page as it's hard to navigate to it! Like you I would love to catch a glimpse of my GD & GS, although they live very near, just 5mins down the road, I've only seen them 3 times, so to be able to glimpse out of the window would be wonderful, but of course reality is a whole different ball game.

Beautiful sunny day, so am off to take little Lilly to the park and then I'm off to the boatyard for lunch with my prev. in-laws, ND, J & baby. It's a really beautiful restaurant overlooking the sea and has a grand piano playing! They are going away for the Easter weekend staight after our lunch, I miss then already I was hoping to go to church on Monday with ND, could go on my own, but it's Sarah-Jane's church, where baby got Christened and where they are to marry.

for all to have a Happy Easter xxx

Forgot to say will ring optician tomorrow as lady said photo of one eye was bit dark too, so going complain. About both oh dear getting so have complain. About everything in this world,

What a scarey how're so dreadful for Brussels and will it be London next.

Well done luckylegs yes we think those friends are mean, we have fun with them but have marked their cards ?

Yes can't wait give my son huge hug today!

We should gone to ballroom last night instead of looking on Twitter agree it only upsets use further.

Glad you feeling
Positive and enjoy sun as think is temporary here in frinton?Having champagne when Steve gets here??here's some for you? And
Optician checked floater yesterday but I was upset as did t see usual man I asked for and he was there, but I was t booked in with him! Chap I saw was ok but Indian and absolutely reeked of curry/garlic he was reassuring saying floaters so common I was t unlucky as it was so normal to have one, feel bit better and he checked it. Only wear reading glasses and left eye altered slightly so dear husband chose me some pretty new ones, also having sunglasses ready for holiday have 2 pairs find o Es with reading glasses script so useful.

Little worried about GD as she is eating gras again ??

Seems well not sick so far.

Smilelss I wonder if husband will come round to idea in end, it is upheaval and expect back fo mind is hoping Es will come round as we all dol
Good that house is so popular, so reckon will seek if you do go ahead,???for you and you gas girl and rhinestone.??
Easter blessings all. X

Smileless, how good to know your house is in such demand. I have known friends in exactly the same position as you and when faced with a buyer and the reality of leaving backed out and really looked at their homes with new eyes. It would have been nice to have a new start in one way, but there again you wouldn't leave behind that big problem of your ES, so find a nice rhythm stick and chase your husband with it.
Celebregran, you have loads of things to do Easter, lots of lovely people to see, one day T will see that. Do think your friends very mean. I find that people that are mean with money are mean spirited, but you say they are nice otherwise I suppose it takes all sorts.
Yogagirl, hope so much you get to enjoy Easter, having another child does not lessen the hurt of losing your much loved daughter, whatever she has done.

The sun is shining so going to make the most of today and get in the garden out for lunch on Sunday and Monday so lots to look forward too.

Happy Easter everyone.

Sorry ladies found T again going have break now????