Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

Yogagirl
There was a repost (cut and paste job) from this Forum onto the Mumsnet thread in question that I recognised as being from one of our regular posters. To take a post in isolation and then rubbish it is beyond ridiculous, but then again most of the posts (that I read, at least) on that particular Mumsnet forum almost seem to think it is 'de rigeour'. to go NC with someone in their family. One said she thought a lot of the 'older generation' had been abused themselves. Well, she's entitled to her opinion.
You know, it seems to me that nowadays if it doesn't work out to your satisfaction without having to try, you just 'bin it' - that includes husbands/partners/parents.
Bin it and move on is the order of the day.

Can we just not mention that other site again. Think it a wind up anyway. Best wishes to all my friends on here that are trying to make the best of a very bad situation. Hope Celebregran enjoying her break despite the recent trauma, a parents nightmare.
Yogagirl, no wonder you are upset, but the day has passed and you have things to look forward to.
Smileless, I haven't been in a caravan for years, it can be your get a way, be good for you and husband.
The weekends on your own make everything seem worse, I must try to find something to take my mind off things, I am so busy in the week, then the weekend comes and it seems all happy families and I do not want to be become a miserable person as I have always been positive.

Your quite right Terribull

Thank you for your kind words Luckylegs

Jenty I am trying, getting better at moving on, but don't think I can totally. It's my GS birthday coming up next, on the 20th, so that will stir up my emotions again, just after my little GD's birthday, still to put her card & bank deposit print out into her gift sack in the spare room, they are just sitting on the landing, waiting for GS

Fairydoll as I said I didn't read it all, so must have missed that. One poster on mumsnet did say she called her GC 'my **' I do say that my GD because she is my GD she is my granddaughter, I carried her in my womb, as we are all born caring our eggs that will turn into our C, therefore; when I carried my now estranged D, in her womb was GD! this is true, and when you give birth to your baby, part of the baby;s cells/DNA stays in the Mother, that is why we are so bonded with our C. I have tried to fathom why grandparents love and adore their GC so much, all say the same, and I think it must be a generational pull, an instinctual inner calling to the next generation before we leave this earth, to pass on the family history.

[Post edited by GNHQ to remove names]

yes birthdays etc can hit hard when you cant celebrate with GC, I personally do not buy gifts and cards and bag them up as I think further down the line this will only continue the vicious circle which we are all now in. When the said grandchildren are older they may well get all the gifts and presents ( some never will) this is going to cause major issues within the family and said grandchildren will resent their parents for stopping contact and when your grandchildren have their own children they will stop the contact for them and so it goes on and on. Dont make this all about you think of the future of your grandchildren.

Ive walked away, my kids made their choice, the door will always be open to them they know where I live!

JentyCan you please elaborate on why giving the GC when their older their cards would cause major issues? In my opinion the major issue had all ready been caused years before. I think whether you give the GC cards or not later on in their lives they may resent their parents anyways... and they should. The parents made a decision where the GC had no say and if they want to be mad at their parents for the missed years they have every right. I had a friend whose mom didn't tell her she was adopted. The mom passed away and my friend found out at fifty years old. And she resented her mother and had every right. So this is just my opinion. I don't do cards or gifts myself but I do have a bank account to save money for all my GC.

SmilelessWhere are you? Did you press send?what happened?

We're at our caravan Rhinestone and I've managed to get a signal. Yes, the email was sent as soon as Mr. S. knew its contents and gave his approval.

I saw the link to the MN post on another thread which was set up on this forum in response to it. There have been several references to 'that thread', presumably this one but the 'quote' in question as you've quite rightly pointed out Yogagirl didn't come from here.

Your post on the new thread was lovely Wendysue, well written, intelligent with just the right amount of sympathy and understanding, as usual.

I'm glad that you've been able to 'walk away' Jenty, it's the hardest thing in the world to have to walk away from your own child and accept that they no longer want you in their lives, but I don't agree that keeping duplicates of birthday and Christmas cards sent over the years in the hope that one day the GC you never knew will get them, is making it 'all about you' and a demonstration of not thinking about the future of our GC. Surely it will be better for them to know that they were loved by the GP's they never knew, rather than to think that those GP's never cared.

Parents who deprive their children of their GP's should be aware that awkward questions may well be asked in the years to come and if they have genuine reasons for denying contact for eg risk of emotional and/or physical abuse, then they'll have nothing to fear. These parents should also be mindful of the example they're setting to their own children. It's OK to cut a parent(s) out of your life and the lives of your children; it wont be as acceptable if it happens to them when their children grow up.

Hope you've all had a lovely weekend. We've really enjoyed our weekend away and are looking forward to next weekend.

I'll catch up with you all next week and of course will let you know if there's any news

Just come back on and thought my post didn't make sense! It doesn't because GN delete my GD name, how odd is that !1?! So where it says GD, I had written my GD name; GD, I do say; "my GD" Are we censored now on GD? Is my granddaughters name not allowed? I find that really really upsetting that my granddaughters name cannot be mentioned, I would like to know why this is please GNHQ. My granddaughter had her name taken away by her nasty stepdad, is it to be taken away again by GNHQ?? Need an answer on here so we all know if our beloved GC are not allowed their names!!

Rhinestone I do agree in what you have said above.

[Names removed by GNHQ - we'll be in touch with the OP shortly]

Smileless I must have been writing my post when you posted yours, glad you have a lovely weekend retreat. Wonder if your estS will reply!
New thread!? What am I missing?

Yoga - Because real names, photos, etc, are a breach of confidentiality. A malicious third party could identify your grand-daughter and use what they've learned against her.

How do you know we are using the DGC 's real names anyways? I know I'm from the states but I thought there was freedom of speech in Britain also?
They don't do this on Facebook. Is there some law I don't know about?

I understand where you're coming from Beccagransnet but I'm curious as to why this decision has been taken now. Some of the regular posters on this thread have used their estranged children's and grand children's name for some time and they've never been edited before.

This seems to coincide with the new thread on this forum regarding a thread on Mumsnet or is that merely a coincidence?

It's not a coincidence. I'm a Mumsnetter. We're pretty hot on internet security

Just to add, Smile - they do do this on Facebook. If you've been getting away with sharing photos & stories about minors who are not your own children, it's because you happen to be under the radar. Same as here, I guess: it's a smaller forum than MN, so doesn't attract so much attention yet.

The tabloids have successfully tracked down the OPs of threads on MN, even without identifying details, and published them along with revelations from their threads.

You certainly can't trust everyone who reads a Web page to respect your private life!

Smileless Someone has told me (and I won't tell you who, because then they would be identified) that she was worried about the way that names of grandchildren and a lot of other details about their familes, were posted on a thread about estranged children.

As an experiment, she looked for these details on Facebook and the rest of the net, and was horrified to find that she easily identified the whole family, their address, where some of them worked, what school the children would be attending.

She asked me whether she should post about it on the thread - I said that I thought she would just be accused of interfering, so she did not. Others have mentioned it in the past, but that had no effect.

If that doesn't horrify all those who post everythng about their grandchildren, using names and ages and anything else they know, then it ought to!

It is not about whether the poster minds going public about what they think of their family, it is about whether the children of the family should be exposed to the possible consequences. What if a stranger appeared at the school and said they had been sent to collect the children because of some problem at home, and could tell all the names and addresses of the children and parents and a whole lot of other details as corroboration? Could the grandparents who had posted all those details then live with themselves?

Wow all been happening then.

Tend to agree with you Smilless.

It is all about the posts on mumsnet. Gosh what a foul mouthed unkind lot most of them sound.

Think would rather not read much on there.

Well we had great weekend and hang on I there yogsgirl and Smilelss.
Post more later so tired now

Well that's certainly food for thought. I don't do face book although Mr. S. does but he doesn't go on as often as he used too because of some of the things that are posted on it.

It would be virtually impossible to post on a site about something as specific as being estranged from your adult child without giving some details but I take your point Elegran. That said, a school would be very remiss if a child were allowed to leave the premises with someone not previously approved of by the parents.

The reason I queried it on here today is because posts have never been edited by GNHQ before although names have been used by some posters for some time.

Just seen your post Celeb, glad you had a good weekend. We did too, it was a bit chilly but there was plenty of . Back home again and grey skies.

Elegran

i tend to agree with the points you have raised re security of children, BUT no-one can just turn up a school claiming to be someone they're not - even with all the 'correct' info.

Schools have procedures in place to prevent this. If someone other than the usual parent/carer is collecting the child, then the parent/ carer has to notify the school in advance and give the details of the person they have nominated to collect their child.

I worked at a school for ten years.

Yes, the school would be remiss if it allowed a child to be taken away by just anyone - but that doesn't alter the responsibility of parents, grandparents and everyone else to consider very carefully before they publish identifying details.

Elegran I too work at a school currently and am Surprised you not aware that they have designated people ie parent Grandparent allowed to collect child no one else.

The internet is a powerful tool sadly too many on forums feel need to criticise and be Downright rude as said before it is easy for weak characters to hide behind anonymity.

I have had to block people I have no idea who they are but is sad reflection of our society it happens all the time on Twitter. The name for people who direct verbal abuse at people they know nothing about ie majority posts on mumsnet thread that has been highlighted is Trolls..

They are covered by the law now fortunately.

Becca gransnet can I ask why posters on mums net are allowed to quote from this thread? their admin have asked them not to but you seem oblivious to it?

I agree best to keep names out of this thread, the Internet is never secure.

I was actually member of mums net until they had security issues.

Elegran my FB is closed to family & friends only, take note Celebgran I cannot disclose any info on where my estD & GC live, as I don't know myself! I think I know the area, but I could be wrong, as they moved from where I knew them from. No telephone no. or email add's etc. nothing.

Glad you enjoyed your holiday Celebgran, you should take a look at the new thread.