Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

I have just visited this site for the 1st time ,and I feel so sad for you all .I have been where you all are and I know just how sad and desperate you are feeling .

I can only repeat my story (I posted a time ago on another thread )
15 yrs ago my estranged dil prevented us from seeing our 2 gs , this came after seperating from my son ,for no given reason --we had never had a cross word or fallenout ever ,she was treated as a daughter .One gs was 12 and the other 7 .After 4yrs the older gs got in touch and is now a close member of our family again ---he has since left home and rarely sees his mother .Last year the second gs got in touch ,after 14 yrs and also is now part of our family again .He no longer sees his motherat all .
We have never questioned either of them about their relationships with their Mother or discussed her at all with them ,We think least said soonest mended . I will say that during those years I did continue to send cards and money for Xmas,Birthdays and Easter ,going against advice from rest of family .I never once had a thankyou for it .
My reason for posting this is to say please ladies dont give up on them --the gc are not the guilty ones they are losing out as well .
My fingers are crossed for you all --I wish you all a happy ending .Lots of hugs .

Celebgran

Smileless

Yogagirl sorry meant to say can so. Relate to that duvet thing I long to close my eyes to escape the pain most nights still after 7 years and have a teddy bear who I cuddle when wake up in panic, try not disturb Gra but he gets me tea and biscuit to try and calm me. It is so horrid i dread dying without seeing T Again can't type this without crying it is ridiculous but we can't help our e lotions or turn of our love somehow.

Is hard you on your own at night to cope with that
You are very brave lady, I can Tell you like I have done notice past tense blame yourself please do not there are no justifiable reasons other than horrendous physical abuse or violence that could possible excuse the cruelty from your daughter or mine.

Guess having my jab today back of mind think ,of T My old daughter would have been texting and ringing full of concern.

Will add buddy holly was killed when I was baby but love his music especially it doesnt matter anymore think of T when belt it out?

Hope Yogagirl rhinestone and ruby lady wendysue and overthehill all had good day in case needed,
Smilelss vet was clear no treats, normal dog food or biscuits just plain bland diet for little GD ????

Love it smileless I really ref impulse buying!

GD had brightened up thank goodness, she is suspicious of chappie which vet recommends once coaxed wolfed it, but oh dear tea been rejected.

Thanks ladies for caring about her, so very nervous about her ultrasound tomorrow,???

Well my dr appt was absolutely marvellous especially compared to last time what a nice guy. He explained it all again, did my bmi as I luckily don't look big as I am ??still got lose about 11lb be on Safe side. He gave me cortisone jab in right knee and will do left one in Week or so, he was brilliant barely felt it ?Hardly slept last night. What with. my appt at 9 then GD worry and poor lady who was neibor til 3 years ago dying younger than me 4 kids and youngest only 16 she was so kind. Only heard from her couple weeks ago asked.mefor address thank god replied and she was trying advise me about what loss etc?So very sad cancer of thyroid.

Nice hubbys has wed off smilelss. Sounds like you had good day,

Believe I remember now ruby lady sorry is your daughter like me it hurts like hell doesnt it? I have now blocked her FB and her 2 allied best friends as I don't want her snooping on us.

We are thinking positive and booked GD into kennels we due go away b holly tribute weekend 6 of us I chatted to owner as GD was regular til found lady has her at home shenisn v good suggested 3 small meals chappie as wil administer tablets and eye drops and ointment no problem. Just Joan loves her of course our elderly friend and neibor but she poorly and 91 won't call doctor stubborn or what.?

Have good evenign all maybe ??had pancake last night so not treats for me well fresh fruit and l fat rice ??

Oh no Yogagirl, I wouldn't dream of taking my dogs out for their morning constitution without at least oneit's just that if you're offering, and I'm pretty sure you were, to make us all a morning cuppa I thought it would be nice if you made it for when I return.

"a bit aggressive and hard. All about moving on and bad mouthing the est ones"thank goodness we don't get any of that anymore. I regularly go on another site but it's hard work sometimes and can get a bit depressing at times. This thread's definitely more enjoyable.

Oooh a virtual party rubylady how marvelous, I love a good party. I'll bringI've been dying to use that oneand andjust let me know when and I'll be here.

I haven't seen 'The Real Marigold' yet, keep forgetting, I hope it's still availableis it a BBC production?

How did your appointment go Celeb and how's little GD doing? I know some dogs do like it so I'm sending her aor would she prefer? Hope she's not drowsy today, my little chap took ages getting over his little op, I suppose they're just like us and some recover more quickly than others.

How's your mum Rhinestone, hope things aren't too bad and hope everything's OK with you luckylegs.

Mr. S. had his first of every Wednesday off today. We both went to the gym this morning then out for lunch and a mooch around the shops. Bought him some new jeans; he's always saying how he never spends on himself, which is true but that's because he never seems to want anythingstill he's pleased with them.

Saw a fab tomato casserole dish in Laura Ashley's, it was in the window, calling to me to go in and buy it so I did. Don't know how often I'll use it but it looks great in the kitchen, my main reason for getting it of course. As we were going back to the car I said to Mr. S. "don't you just love impulse buying" he said "I don't know, I never do it" so I replied "you just have done".

Tea is cold now Smileless but I've made us a nice cup of coffee

I always feel better when I've been on here for a 'chat' Ruby I've stopped going on the other one I was on, with 1,600 members, as it was just too much and they had a different philosophy to us, I found it a bit aggressive and hard. All about moving on and bad mouthing the est ones. Also we do talk about other things on here, which lightens the whole thing up .

Even now after 3.5yrs, I still can't wait to climb into bed, curl up in a ball with the duvet pulled round and listen to my heart breaking all over again! Same thing in the morning, that's why I get up early, as a really does help. The other thing that helped me Ruby was the 'Kalms nights' one-per-night, I still take them now The first year I didn't sleep at all, or eat, so I really needed to do something and these tabs are natural.

Rubylady I'll come to your party , I watched that programme 'The real Marigold Hotel' I've still to watch last nights. Yes it resonated with me too, with Jan Leeming. I've been on my own for 10yrs, 5yrs without the C living with me. My S went to Uni, but was back 50% of the time, with the long holidays they have, oops! sorry Ruby, that may have burst your blissful bubble of when your S leaves for Uni

Best of luck at the hospital today Celebgran & GD tomorrow

Rubylady Good folk aren't apt at dealing with evil [def my s.i.l & his mother] I should have been on my guard too, as before I was cut out for good, I came back from a cruise [my s.i.l always acted up after or during a holiday, I or my ND had] I was really tired and was in the middle of washing the floors over and looking forward to sitting down and having my Sunday dinner, when I got a phone call from my now estD, she insisted on my going over, saying the GC missed me, I went over, they had already been up the pub and had a bottle of wine open in the garden. I gave them presents, showed some pics, then nasty said 'lets go inside', estD started crying and saying she couldn't cope, I said 'I'll help you estD, don't worry' with my arm round her, she then got up and just verbally went for me, saying all her problems were because of me! I didn't know what she was talking about, nasty then said 'you better leave' and of course I did. I didn't know if nasty was saying 'leave' for my sake or ..I don't know, of course looking back, I now know he was trying to break our bond then, but that's only from looking back, as it was the first time there had been any problem. I stayed away for a month, without phoning, it killed me and then finally I txt my D asking to make up and she replied that she hadn't wanted to fall out in the first place , I went straight round and we were back to normal straight away. So looking back I can see it was all staged by nasty, but he hadn't quite pulled it off for good. In court nasty said that I had chosen not to see the GC for four months
Later I heard nasty had paid for estD to go to a shrink and no doubt nasty put my D problems done to me, when all she had was the baby blues, having had one baby quite soon after the other. Nasty wouldn't have told the shrink that he would tell my D on a daily basis that she was a bad mother, wife, housekeeper and that his mother told him daily to divorce her

posting & carrying on reading the rest of the posts. Sorry about the mini novel

celebgran No, it is my daughter. She has two sons now, aged 5 and 2. Not spoke to me now for nearly 2 years. My son still lives with me and can be verbally abusive too so looking forward to him leaving soon and then I can have my life back, and recover from the hurt.

I'm ok, but I do feel like I am in limbo, he makes me feel agoraphobic and claustrophobic at the same time. He says things are bad where we live (they are not, I know that, but it gets ingrained when I keep hearing it) so I don't want to go out but he makes me feel like I am boxed in and I feel like screaming to get out and be my real self.

I am so glad to be on this site, it gives me a lifeline.

I am going to have a party, well, just me and the pets (because I know noone here and have no family now to speak of) when he leaves. I want to celebrate getting back to being just me. More than that really because I have always been someone's something, daughter, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny. If noone wants me then I will find my own way and my own "family". I think that's why it resonated so much with me tonight on Marigold Hotel with Jan Leeming. She has noone to care for her or to care for. So we have to create it ourselves and I will, very soon. 7 months will fly by until he goes to university.

I might even have a virtual party on here, to celebrate if anyone wants to join me? It's good having people in your life, if they are a positive influence and make you feel better about things, but not good if they don't and they put you down all the time and make you feel like rubbish.

Sorry for the long moan, but I feel slightly better now.

I am concerned for GD, what breed is she? I took mine to the vets a couple of years ago for her boosters. She was "flat" for a week, couldn't get her to move, she just slept and luckily, ate. But I had to syringe water into her mouth. I haven't took her back since. It was very scary and upsetting as she is such a happy little doggie normally. I do hope that GD comes round a bit tomorrow, please keep me updated.

Ruby lady you not a fool at all and so very sorry you have this heartbreak.

Is it your son who has cut you off? Is he your only child ? Sorry if you have said this earlier and I missed it.

Thank you so much all of you for support over GD ? Am so worried today as she still drowsy from meds yesterday.

Must try relax. NOw going treat us to pa cake each small one?Had fairly healthy tea.

Thank you celebgran, your support means a lot to me. I do hope that GD will be ok, they mean so much to us, our pets, as a family member really. I will keep my fingers crossed for her.

Smileless For some reason I only sleep 4 hours overnight but can sleep for longer during the day or in the evening but usually about 3 to 4 hours too so I do catch up. I don't know what it is although I am still in the thows of depression and put downs by my son regularly so I think it comes out in my subconscious and my sleep is affected. In September I hope to start recovering from the past and move on.

Yogagirl I'll drop by anytime for that cup of char! Thank you. I know what you mean by buying Lilly for estD. Even though I didn't buy my doggie, Maggie for my GS, he always referred to me as Granny Doggie because I always took Maggie when visiting. He played with her and loved her but, like you said, he probably doesn't even remember me now after nearly two years without us. It's so bloody hurtful and even if we were to get in touch again, how can I ever trust my daughter again? It's not the first time she has taken them away from me. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Lots of love. X

Wow Yogagirl what an amazing present!?Lily was.

T had already graduated and was doing her pre reg year at Ipswich boots, she met us at breeders to see GD?Seems lifetime ago well was 13 years.
Things were volatile then she had row and went stay with godparents, ones with no kids and no reality of family lifel. However after that T made enormous efforts and came take me for lunch and bought me flowers regularly such a damn shame I will never get my head round it all.

Me tomorrow for hospital appt and darling GD for ultrasound on Thursday bit anxious as she still sleepy from painkiller jab yesterday?

Sorry forgot to say rhinestone nightmare for you with mum and sorry dh birthday was spoilt a bit.

Is G's birthday on 19th. Can't believe is a year since we had party for his 70th.

Smilelss what little shop did you have ?
Such awful waste read that out to G about how close you were.

Same for me and uniform why we will never understand.

Oh well cuppa turned up quick rest in order now before starting tea.?

I do hope you are not saying you take your dogs out without having had a cuppa in the morning Smileless I have to have two before I venture out! I'll make sure there's a big pot of tea waiting for your return from walkies Makes you think it's the mum's that were very close with their D/S that were cut out, jealousy being the bottom line.

Best of luck with GD tomorrow celebgran and well done with your weight lost. My estD was close to my little dog Lilly too, when estD was pregnant with GD, she played out her maternal instincts on Lilly, once dressing Lilly up in a little pink dress I actually got Lilly for estD, I had already bought her some jewellery, but then on the spur of the moment, went out and got Lilly on estD's actual birthday. When estD came home after a sleep-over, I asked her if she wanted her original present or a surprise, she wanted the surprise, so I blindfolded her, walked her to the living room, sat her down and put little Lilly on her lap, just a tiny bundle of fur

I was just on my way out with my little dogs when you posted Yogagirl and by the time I got back thewas cold, so could you not make tea tomorrow morning until about 8.15.

The wonderful relationship you have with your ND reminds me of the one I used to have with ES. We spoke on the 'phone at least once a day, sent text messages and he'd often just turn up here, or at my little shop, stand with his arms wide open and when I walked up to him, put his face toward mine for a kiss, before giving me a big hug. Goodness, I haven't thought about that for a while and while I was writing it down I could see him, as clearly as if he was standing here before me.

Oh Celeb it is a worry about little GDkeeping everything crossed it isn't the big 'C'. I was convinced that's what's wrong with my little cat but all tests have come back negative. I don't know why but I'm not convinced it isn't. Bleeding seems to have stopped thank goodness but he's still very much on the lose side; something's not right and I just wish I knew what it is. I do hope little GD will be all right

Well done with your weight loss, you are doing well, hopefully you wont have to wait too long for your knee op. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and keeping my fingers crossed. So sorry to hear about your neighbour; you're right, we have to make the most of each and every day.

How frustrating for you Rubylady to get so little sleep, is it a recent problem or have you always needed so little? I often think about the things I'd loved to have done and would have done with our grandchildren and when I do, it reminds me that we're not the only victims, our grandchildren are victims too.

Hope you're OK Rhinestone

Hi everyone how lovley this thread is so active?
Very worried about GD she was sick again at weekend so went saw lovely vet yesterday. Her tum was very tender so gave her strong painkiller and she is still dozey?She is having ultrasound on Thursday so I am ???worried sick. Vet mentioned possibility of that dreaded c word.

We away dancing hopefully this weekend ?Yesterday was such a stress finally made it to club to meet up with friends and get tickets for dance on 27th.

Got hairdo tours afternoon and vet said do t cancel she was soo nice hope to do ultrasound early as possible she will be operating. All morning.
Do hope is t anything serious.

Ruby lady heart goes out to you I wince when see little ones GD
age sometime I just physically ache for all we have lost. Very sorry you I. That boat too.

I just love that we part of GDs life and that bring us such joy.

T used to love GD she came with us when we chose her but of course she won't be interested now so that upsets me too.

Smilelss hang onto those lovely words from your son in oz.
Likewise when I was so upset at knee assessment a one line email from our son telling me he loved me so much helped me enormously.

Yesterday was sooo hectic, pay for outing at local club see [name removed] and [name removed] your neck woods Yogagirl on March 2nd then weight matters lost 3lb??took car In Check tyres and suspension after another potnole? The. Vets again phew glad today no appt just been

Tomorrow ladies 9am my knee appt. with dr this time.

Nice see you again wendysue

Gosh shock yesterday old neibor died younger than me, knew she was v I'll cancer but horrid awful sad news, 4 children too youngest 16 she was so kind to me ref T we must enjoy each day.

Morning Rubylady WAKE UP everyone else lol, I'm always up about 6.30am, sometimes earlier, that's the worst time for the sad thoughts, the only thing to do is to get up and have a nice I've made a big pot girls, so help yourselves

Thank you Yoga and Lucky I would have been an ace granny!

That sounds lovely Yoga in bed with horlicks, I'll have to find a dairy free option.

I have lost 7lbs this week, it's either been the dairy free diet I have switched to or the thyroid tablet I have started taking. Somethings working and I'm not about to give it up!

I went to bed at 10 pm and was back up at 2 am, full of the joys of Spring. Well, wide awake at any rate. I can't win if I go to bed before 2 am, I'm up 4 hours later. I'll have another brew and watch a bit of tele and then try again.

Love to all.

Sorry Wendysue I missed saying 'thank you' I'm getting a bit sleepy

I'm back, in bed with my Horlicks, after nearly being blown off my feet a couple of times today . When I came on this morning I only read Rubylady post, then had to jump in the shower and out for the day.

Rhinestone what a rotten shame you had to cut your holiday short, especially as you can't actually do anything for your mum, in this country they would not have released her without someone to care for her, you being in Florida. So sorry for your husband, not seeing his car show & not getting a card from his Sons!

Luckylegs you made me laugh; 'not looking up to see the ceiling!' I wish I had the time to paint my house, but I just don't. When I moved in it was all newly painted, so it's just going to have to 'do'.

Smileless I can imagine you must really miss your NS, my ND lives near and I see her 2-3 times per week, she txt me this afternoon after we had been chatting on the phone and said 'I feel very lucky to have you mum' just that, out of the blue. We speak on the phone everyday, sometimes 3 times per day! but it was the same with my estD, how can they go from being so close to cutting us out, as you say; it just cannot be understood!

Where's celebgran out dancing I'll bet

Night all

Oh yes it does Wendysue, I came back from Oz with a full heart and every day I thank God for my wonderful boy. He said such lovely things to us, I'll never forget them.

I've been thinking about you all day Rhinestone, about your mum and what you have to contend with. I'm so pleased you found us all on here and I hope it helps knowing that we're all here for you.

We've been there too rubylady and know how much it hurts. Sometimes seeing grandparents with their grandchildren just makes you weep for what's been taken away. I just don't understand how our children can be so cruel, it makes me more[anger]than sad these days.

looks like a few of us have caught the decorating bug luckylegs I've got my first room all planned, colours etc. and am quite looking forward to getting started. Mr. S. isn't as keen but he's only got the ceilings to do, at least that's what I've told him but I figure it's best to ease him in gently.

Hope everything's OK with you Celeb and Yogagirl. Have a good evening everyone.

Welcome Overhill! My heart goes out to you for all you suffered as a child. I agree with all that PPs (previous posters) have said and hope you will let us know what you decided and what happens.

Another Happy Birthday wish, Yoga! And please don't blame yourself for not remembering DS and DIL's anniversary. Having CO you for so long they certainly have no business expecting you to remember. So don't worry about that.

I realize you feel if you remembered, you might have drafted a better message. But what you said was honest and, for the most part, ok. Unfortunately, they probably won't like that last part, but hey - can they seriously not get that you don't like having your GC CO of your life? Really, you didn't tell them anything they don't already know.

Once again, glad you have access to other family! And glad GD's crhistening went so well!

Rhinestone, I'm glad you're feeling better. But I would still check in with a doctor.

Celeb, once again, sorry to hear about T's accusations. Hopefully, she will come around one of these days.

Smileless, how beautiful that your DS in Oz appreciates you and DH and expresses it! I know it doesn't totally make up for your other situation, but I imagine it must do your heart some good, anyhow.

Me too Rubylady and Yogagirl, here's some flowers for you.?????

Oh! Rubylady God bless you I've had situations like that too

I was sat in Dunelm cafe earlier today and a young girl about 7 years old was there with her family. She leant across and started singing a little song with her grandma. It brought tears to my eyes for what could have been with my own grandchildren if I was only allowed to see them and get to know them.