Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Yogagirl[cake]. Re read your post, see all the good things you have in your life and be happy for those. Don't dwell on what's lost, I know it's hard, we all do but we have to try and not let it infect all the other areas of our lives that can make us happy, if only we'd let them.

Have a wonderful time this evening; don't gamble too much but win lots.

Glad the toes aren't as black as they were Rhinestone, that's good news. My little sphynx does seem to be slowly improving so perhaps the vet is right, it is a bad infection that can be sorted with antibiotics. He'll have another jab in 10 days time so everything crossed that he continues to improve.

I don't do FB but Mr. S. does and when I first come on line, if he's received a new message it appears at the bottom of my screen. There was one from our DS in Oz which read "that's because I was bought up right"so I 'phoned Mr. S. at work to ask him what it was about. He said he'd messaged him to praise his latest piece of art work and thanked him again for our lovey time in Oz, for all they'd done and the good care we'd received; that was our DS's response.

I've been thinking about you too Overthehill and do hope you'll come back on and let us know what you've decided.

Hope your knee is OK today Celeb

My toes are not as black and foot is healing well even though I'm tired of that darn boot.
My DH birthday is Saturday and I know he will be sad so I'm going to take him to a fun place here in Florida to take his mind off things. I know his daughter will probably call but I can't even stand the thought of her after she lied to him about why she couldn't see him when she was here and wound up seeing her mom and going to Aiden's party.
The funny thing is that my DH ex wife is controlling and persistent. My DH is a sweet man who wouldn't ever do anything mean and yet his ex gets to run the show with no repercussions. How many times have I heard from my ESS that he isn't talking to his mom but yet he needs her to babysit so his wife does all the communicating and they would never think of being estranged from her.
SmilelessHow is that baby of yours doing now?I hope she's back to her normal self
OverthehillWhat decision have you made about your mom?

YogagirlA big Happy Birthday from me. We are all so hard on ourselves and it's crazy how we are going to be walking on eggshells. That's not a way to live our lives. So maybe the best present you can give yourself is one of forgiveness. We all do and say things we regret but we have to move on. I too laid it on my EDIL after she said her boys deserved a better grandfather because we only saw her boys eight times in seven months when we stopped all day free child care. There comes a point when no matter what we say or do won't change how our estranged ones think. If they are rotten they will continue to do so. But I believe they will get theirs one day. So here's some and for you. Be good to you today.

Well it's my Birthday today so why am I not happy
Had lots of happy birthday messages, present & card from my neighbour, coffee & cake this afternoon with friends, booked the evening off to go to Westcliff Casino for a meal, drinks and little flutter. Seeing my ND & GD tomorrow for a nice lunch by the sea

Keep thinking, 'If only I had remembered it was their anniversary [1st] I would have popped round with the card I had in the cupboard, flowers & chocs' but with the trauma of being 'cut out' I completely forgot! Instead I sent an email saying that I love & miss them all, but ended saying 'losing my GC was not an options!' My ND did say 'cut that last bit out mum', but I didn't and sent it. I think if only I had remembered, all this may have been sorted out I've looked back on the email, thinking it must have been bad, but when I re-read it, it really isn't, just saying how I love & miss them, then just that last line, which is true; losing my GC was not an option for me, but as we all know, for them it is!

Overthehill welcome from me too,

I could weep at how sad your childhood sounded and yet my ed who I nurtured and pampered accuses me of mental and physical abuse. It is so hard to fathom when girls like yourself clearly did suffer yet are willing to consider reconciliaiton.

Of course your mum should not have approached the grandchildren behind your back so to speak, I wonder if she was just,desperate for contact but,that doesn't excuse it.

Yogagirl and smilelss are right a meet up on neutral ground would be. A start. Only do this if you feel you really want to as it does seem like you had a raw deal.

Yogagirl that is wonderful then christening sounds amazing.

Yes I do try wear knee supports for dancing oh bliss last night,the pain was not so chronic and I have been able do more today. My bedridden lady for nails and lip bleach after acquacise, and washed all the towels and bath sets from both bathrooms. Got lovley new powder blue bath mat from dunelm yesterday and yes GD Rang vet again yesterday she seems well just worry about still grass eating
?.

Smilelss hope your little one ok after stitches out and little cat seems more of a worry??

Oh well off to tidy upstairs before welcome cuppa and look at paper.

Happy monday all [flowes] overthehill hope you get something sorted.

Just seen the other posts that came on when I was posting, which took me ages as I kept going off and doing other things.

Oh dear Rhinestone, black toes isn't a good sign, you really should get your foot looked at just to make sure everything's OK.

My little chap is full of beans now his stitches have come out. I've got my little boy back at last and not a day too soon; the house wasn't the same without him charging around with his toys and chasing the cats.

Well, the biopsy from my Sphynx wasn't very conclusive. They now feel it's more than likely he has a severe bowel infection, as the latest steroid injection hasn't worked, so are now going to blast him with antibiotics. I can't help but feel we're all getting a little desperate now and are clutching at straws, but I just can't consider the alternative, not yet.

The vets are very good. They'd considered sending him elsewhere for an endiscope as they don't have the equipment but told me yesterday that as they're considering buying some, a supplier is going there at the end of this month and my little cat is a good candidate for a free procedure, all I'll have to pay for is the anesthetic so I'm going to have it done. Perhaps if they can actually see what's going on inside, they'll know precisely how to treat it.

So pleased all went well with the Christening Yogagirl, she sounds like a little angel, must get that from her nana, or are you granny or grandma?

Thanks to you all for thinking about my babies.

Welcome for me too overthehill. I was very moved by your post and want to thank you for sharing it with us here on this thread.

Your post moved me first and foremost because you clearly had a difficult childhood and it's always so upsetting to be reminded how many have been and continue to be deprived of the type of childhood that all children should receive.

What moved me the most was, having been given the briefest of insights in to the relationship you had with your mother, you haven't simply discarded her letter but have been thinking for several weeks about what you should or shouldn't do in terms of seeking reconciliation. I know how many of us on this thread desire such consideration from our children, who've chosen to have nothing to do with us for no real reason.

Yogagirl's advice is, as always spot on. Meeting up with your mum would give you the opportunity to talk about the past and tell her how you feel about what you went through and her part in it. There may have been circumstances which would go some way to explain why things happened, but would not of course excuse any of it. Perhaps she wants your forgiveness, maybe doesn't expect it but needs to ask for it all the same.

If you don't see her, you may be left with questions that can never be answered and may later regret letting this opportunity pass you by. Meeting in a public place is a must, it's going to be difficult and emotional and neutral ground would be the best option.

As for your children, I agree that to have contacted them before hearing back from you was underhanded and very foolish. She's done her self no favours by reinforcing the opinion you have of her of thinking only of herself.

I have 2 grandchildren, one aged 4 who we've not been allowed any contact with since he was 8 months old and the other who is 10 weeks old who we've never even seen. I send them birthday and Christmas cards, they live just 15 doors away and if I were to ever walk past them (which happened once last year) I wouldn't ignore them, I'd say hello but wouldn't tell them I was their father's mother until they were 16 or were to ask me who I am. I will never ignore or lie to them.

I would never try to get to my son through my grandchildren and fully understand why you feel this is what she's done and are unhappy about it.

You have a big decision to make and I wish you well. It would be great if you were to let us know what you decide and if you do meet up with your mum, how it went.

Our posts crossed Rhinestone How's your toes?

Overthehill Needless to say meet your mum without the children and I should have said if you decide meet your mum, let us know [flowers[

I agree with Yogagirl. We don't even know why we are estranged from our boys because they won't have a conversation with us. Let your mom do the talking and then you can make a decision as to whether you want contact or not. As kids we see things black and white but life isn't like that.
I'm not agreeing with mom just saying to listen to her side and then decide.
My view is that the only time there should estrangement is when there is physical or mental abuse.

Thank you all, for the good wishes for my GD Christening Day. It was a lovely day and all went well, baby was so good and kept awake the whole day [after the Vicar woke her in the church that is! lol] She seemed really interested in all that was going on. The Church was beautiful and the Vicar & his curate wife were lovely. Same Church my ND will be getting married in.

I did get emotional before I left home, as I was getting my mum's crystal & silver table ware out, ready to take for the Christening. I just thought 'Oh mum, you should be here for this day and dad' and of course from that thinking about my estD,GC & estS, missing such a wonderful family celebration Didn't help that Terry Wogan passed that morning with all the sad songs on the radio!

Rhinestone your toes turning black is serious, you need to get checked out at the hospital! sorry to sound alarmist

smileless Do hope your Sphinx cat is better today. Hope your little chap feels better without the stitches and you got some good advice from the vet re your cat

Celebgran Sounds like GD is feeling better, my little Lilly doesn't eat anything all day but grass, if she has an upset stomach, funny how they know that grass settles their tummies. You need to put a knee support on for your dancing C, it will stop your knee feeling so painful and yes when you're in pain you do tend to be grumpy, only natural

Welcome Overthehill So sorry to hear you had such a bad childhood. I can't understand a mother leaving her C, especially young ones. Did your mother leave of her own free will or was she forced out, did your mother know of the abuse from your father? Now you are an adult she would be able to tell you her side of the story, which maybe different to the story your father has told you or that you remember as a child. She is reaching out to you and your C, if they are very young she should go through you, but may have contacted them in order to reconnect with you if she thinks this is the only way.
I think you should meet up, somewhere public, so you can have a good talk, ask questions and get some answers, you may hear some things you never knew or imagined could be. If you don't meet up you will always be wondering and if your mother passes without contact then you will never know what the truth or lies are/were. Best of luck and let us know how it went

Hello ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining your thread, I wanted to ask for your opinons. I am nc with my mother, it's been something like 10yrs now, I've lost track. I went nc because there was no nurture in our relationship. She left me with a paedophile father when I was 8 & did numerous neglectful things throughout my life. I felt there was barely any bond to be broken. Just recently she wrote to me asking to reconcile. This came out of the blue for me, but rather than put the letter in the bin I've been giving it some careful thought. It's only been a few weeks and I haven't had time to come to a decision, but it seems she's decided to come back into our lives with or without my permission, as yesterday she contacted my children directly through Facebook. I'm really angry about this. I think it's underhand & only shows her to be thinking in her own self-interest. My children know the full reasons for our estrangement, I haven't lied or exaggerated anything so nothing can bite me in the arse later in life. I know once they are 18 my children can make their own choices but we're not there yet. Do you think it was underhand bypassing me & going direct to my kids or do you think it's perfectly reasonable?

Have fun Yogagirlat the christening.And what a wonderful keepsake gift for your GC.
Celebgran It is so hard when you live to do something and you don't feel well physically. I do hope you improve. You are correct about the blocking thing on FB. It IS so petty yet my ESS and his wife did it immediately. My brother told me today he private message my ESS to ask him a question and my ESS blocked him right away. What did my brother ever do to him?
SmilelessI hope your baby gets better soon. There is nothing so bad as a sick pet. I was a wreck when our dog had to have her leg removed. I cried when I saw her .
I heard that when the dogs eat grass it means their tummies are upset. Don't know if it's true or not.
Well I AM still wearing my fashionable footwear. The swelling is going down but parts of my toes have turned black. Yesterday I actually sat at the beach and didn't freeze. We are leaving to go to Sarasota today for a week and then home. The weather is supposed to be warmer. Mom is doing better but still it totally rational yet and thinks I'm home and not visiting her. She is on some heavy amounts of antipsychotic pills and starting to have side effects like tremors, according to her doctor. Oh geez... so much to worry about in the middle of the night.
Well here's some sunshine and smiles for everyone .??☀️

I'm so sorry you've had a stressful week Celeb; you and me both I'm sending you a pm and in the meantime some.

I hope you'll soon be able to get your knee problem sorted. It must be a real drag when you can't even go out and relax with the dancing that you love, because your in so much pain. Must be difficult and stressful for your DH too. When are you away again? It sounds as if you could both do with another break away.

There's obviously something in grass that settles their little tums because they all want to eat it when they're feeling under the weather. It's good that little GD is enjoying her pasta and chicken; goodness don't we spoil themand it's a good sign she's no longer getting you up at night.

There's not really much change with my cat, I'm giving them both a little less to eat in the hope that less food will have a knock on effect. My biggest fear is his constant need to go to the loo will result in another prolapse. My little chap is having his stitches out on Monday so it'll give me a chance to have a chat with the vet.

How lovely Yogagirl, your lovely GD's Christening tomorrow and the gift sounds really lovely too. I do hope you have a wonderful day. Don't spare one single thought for your ED and ES. I know it's hard but they don't deserve to put a damper on what's going to be a wonderful day.

We havehere today and no matter what the weather is like where you are for the Christening, I know you'll have some in your heart.

Hope you're OK Rhineston, getting good weather and your foot's getting better; are you still wearing that sexy shoe.

Smilelss apologies just had time read your post properly ?So sorry your cat is so poorly, yes breeder wasn't fair to you. ? Do hope he picks up is so very hard, of course you dread losing him,

My little GD ran out eat grass again yesterday and didn't help stress levels. So hard when she nearly 13 I will never be ready to lose her. We have another 8 tablets for her tum. She is enjoying her chicken and
Pasta, and when I got up cos of knee pain, she followed me into loo bless her.

Didn't get us up at night not for few days so pray she on mend.??

Wow Yogagirl that is amazing have lovley time at christening.

Try not to spoil it by thinking of who should be there, it really is t worth your thoughts.

Pressy sounds lovely!

We had difficult week huge rows, being in pain with knee is making. Me edgy.

Rang and told assessment centre was not satisfied with how clinician spoke to me are assessment, so she has altered my appt to a doctor, oh dear hope don't right thing, he will start again.

Maybe been overdoing it, folk dance, and despite massive row we went to ballroom lessons, friends were going and we not made it this year. Enjoyed but got awful pain side knee nowl it starred after folk dancing Monday.

We went to annual little folk dance at local church last night, was fun all bring plate food, I was careful sat out couple.

Could t sleep found out T blocked me again on Facebook seems so very petty, I could t see much anyway just picture of cake she obviously had on her birthday lol irony is I always took her a birthday cake up to last time saw her on birthday. Hard to believe now.

We all had amazing time at her wedding too Yogagirl, I have thank you card from her, I did get vibes she was turning. To In laws even that day think will be 10 years ago in May, she was r married long before cut us off about 3 years just under.

How are pets smileless, sounds like cat is worry[flowes] for you.

We going see friends for Chinese tonight, Gra supposed be painting kitchen no sign yet, we did go bed late and been stressful week to say the least.

Have good weekend all ?? maybe little ?But not for me!
Rhinestone hope foot healing and you ok

Morning Girls
Raining cats&dogs out there, luckily Lilly's been out this morning

My baby GD's christening day tomorrow, I bought her a lovely silver cross & chain and a St. Christopher with 'God Bless C....' scribed on the back. It came in a beautiful box and had rose petals inside, with a lovely little bag and pink & white ribbons with 'God Bless C.... love from nannie D....' It was from a special children's jewellers. I'm really pleased with it.

So big family get together, but of course a big hole where my D&GC should be Next big occasion is my ND wedding day! My other D [est] would have been maid of honour, GD bridesmaid , GS page boy and my son would have given my ND away, as her dad has never been in her life. So now her granddad [dad's dad] will give her away. Shame my dad is not still here, as it would have been him walking her down the isle as my M&D & my C were very close, lived near too. When my now estD got married, it was me that walked her down the Isle, from being that close to 'cut out' ! unbelievable!

Have a nice weekend all

Thanks Yogagirl, no change with him as yet, still hoping and praying.

I hope your ND is able to get a different perspective on the date they've chosen for their wedding; for some reason it seems 'meant to be', a bit like GS's b/day; we don't know why at the moment but maybe one day all will be revealed.

Thank goodness this week's coming to an end; back to the gym tomorrow and as it's Friday at lastfor everyone.

Thank you for that Smileless I will read that to my ND later and hopefully it will give her a different perspective on the weird phenomenon of same dates, which we all seem to have had! Nov 16th, your husband &
GS b/day, was the day I married my C dad!
Glad to hear little doggie is better now, but so sorry to hear about your Sphynx cat [we do the sphinx in yoga] I know it's distressing to see them unwell and having to restrict them to one room. I wish him better soon, I really do! God bless.

Oh bless her Yogagirl I hope your ND doesn't really think her wedding day's cursed. 100's of years ago when new churches were being built, the chosen site was often where 'heathen' beliefs had been practiced the belief being that by building a church on the same site it would be cleansed of it's 'unsavory' past. Your ND's wedding being on the same day as her sister will make that date something that all of you can remember with joy and an anniversary to celebrate.

It's strange how dates can take on a new significance. Every year when ES is celebrating his second son's bday he wont be able to get away from the fact it's Mr. S.'s bday too; November 16th.

What a unique and unusual style of footwear Rhinestone, you are a good sport putting that pic on the thread, hope your foot continues to improve.

Glad GD is feeling better Celeb. My little chap is sooo much better todayalmost back to his old self again; such a relief.

Thanks Yogagirl but my little cat's ongoing problem hasn't improved. The steroid injection he had Tuesday morning hasn't kicked in yet and it really should have by now. The previous one took longer to take affect than previous ones and it is a cause for concern. It's becoming increasingly upsetting for me and him, it's horrible to have to keep going to the loo and his increasing failure to 'go' in the litter trays is beginning to get me down.

I love him dearly and am hoping that the biopsy tests will solve the mystery but if they don't and if this latest injection doesn't help him then I'm going to have too consider the unthinkable. My cats are sphynx's, totally hairless so are house cats. They're exceptionally loving and sociable but the little one's problems means I'm having to keep them closed in their room more than I, or they would like because of the mess he'll make if I'm not watching him the entire time which of course I can't do. I can't close him in without his brother, so this is having a detrimental effect on them both.

The breeder did a bad thing selling him to me. He'd had very bad cat flue as a tiny kitten and I'm wondering if the level of medication he would have had at such a young age has caused some permanent internal damage. He has constantly runny eyes as his tear ducts are blocked, his third lid on both eyes is fused and he has blocked nasal passages. Both had corona virus and although my other boy has never had it since, I don't think his little brother has ever really been free of it. Mr. S. bless him said to me today that it was a good thing she sold him to us because whatever happens, no one could have done more or loved him more than I do.

Sorry to go on about it but as fellow animal lovers you'll know how heart broken I am at the thought of losing him and it's all I can think about at the moment.

Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it's fake!

Strange, Just seen the last 3 posts from S,R&C, so sorry if I didn't reply properly, glad kitty is better S

My ND is upset this morning, as unbeknown to us all, when she booked her wedding day finally, and after cancelling the first venue loosing a big deposit to boot and then in the second one that they preferred, not getting the date they had wanted, finally settling on November 26th. I didn't twig for months and then I suddenly realised it is my estD wedding day too! so their anniversary day! I can't believe I didn't clock that straight away, but then I was cut out before they had their first ann. so...

My ND is saying their wedding day is cursed! but I said 'maybe the powers of the universe are sending you the message that you sisters should be together, not apart!' But how strange is that, out of all the dates on the calendar, they both chose the same date, also I married their dad on November 16th

Morning Girls

Celebgran yes so upsetting to see they are enjoying their lives without us After 3yrs2mnths+, still I wake in the night and have to get up to stop the sad thoughts, not one day without a thought of them, it's torture it really is! How my S can walk passed my house at Xmas time and not come and see his mum & sister, I don't know how he could be so cruel, how nasty s.i.l can have so much power over my off-spring, to get them to cut themselves off from the person that loves them the most in the world and to destroy our once close and loving family, again I just cannot comprehend it.

So pleased you got some sleep last two nights C and GD is better now, the vets are sooo expensive Well done on loosing 2Ibs so difficult to do, I'm lucky my work keeps my weight down. All that jumping about & multiple squats at the Sunday audition left me with a sore knee too, I was find after, but Tuesday had to put a knee support on and do my classes being kind to my knee it feels fine today though You sound very clever with the nails & brows C I could do with your talents myself As you said, sooo sad that our D have no one in their lives now, from their birth family, how can they be happy will it every end!

Rhinestone yes best not to look on FB etc. but when you're sent something, you can't not look, you're better off not seeing the pictures of your GC growing, sooo upsetting The bits my ND sent me have been going round & round in my head, I deleted them soon after, so yes you want to see, but not worth all the upset with it keep going round in your head! Good to hear your knee and mum are better I've tried that with the cheese or the like, my little Lilly just eats the cheese and spits out the tablet the only way I can administer a tablet is to push it down her throat and then rub her neck till it's gone

Smileless hope little furchild is doing better today