Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

Hello everyone- Glad to find you again. How do I delete the other group I started?

We are here in Rainy and Cool Florida. But I'm in my sandals running around so no snow at least. Mom is very bad and after one week of the hospital she's not any better. My daughter visited her yesterday and said it was awful. She wasn't lucid one minute and total delusional. Just terrible.
We have some good friends from home that are here also so that has helped us tremendously. And now my brother has stopped responding to my texts and calls so no one knows about him since he is pretty much a recluse. I guess things could be worse.
WendySue my DH confronted his DD the other night. He texted her without my knowledge that he knew about her going to Aiden's party. She didn't put the picture on Instagram, someone else did. My DD saw it and told us since we don't do Instagram. She called my DH and said she didn't want to hurt him so she lied and didn't tell him. She said she only knew about the party last minute when she came in. Well that's baloney. Her mom and brother, my ESS, didn't tell her BEFORE she came in? Why wouldn't they knowing she would be in town?
Smileless I'm so happy your son and his family not only wanted you to be there but treated you so well. Have you decided to not send the card he suggested? It can't hurt.
Oh boy. We just got an alert that we need to take cover because of a tornado.

Smileless I absolutely agree with you. I'm sad that dd has cut me out of her and dgs's life, but as far as I can see, it's a problem of her own making. I note that she is perfectly happy to drop that NC when she needs something, and then return to NC (as happened just before Christmas). I can't abide her playing games like that. I don't have the energy and quite frankly I just don't have the time. The sad thing is that when (or if) she does ever decide to resume contact, I'm going to be wondering "is this going to be like when she was in hospital - she needs something, so contacts me, and then goes back to NC afterwards?" It's going to colour our relationship forever. But that was her choice.

I am up to the eyeballs in chaos regarding school and such for my younger dcs, so have been a bit focused on that recently.

Oh Yogagirl we never free from the reminders are we?

I expect my card will get binned and no doubt I have done it all wrong I guess it won't make much difference either way but I totally understand smileless and your urmviewpoint. Guess after 7 years I still have tiny bit hope she will respond one day.

Glad you're u enjoyed white onions, we had brilliant night out, few bacardis, and live singer provided music glen Barnes he was very good. It really cheered me up as nervous wreck about my appt so this week, knee assessment and horrid cystoscopy. I felt bit better already after stopping 80mg dose of propanol.

Friday felt dreadful on my outing with my friend lunch ok, but could hardly walk feeling breathless and knee pain?

Meeting friends tonight to rejoin other club so social weekend.
Managed small amount housework while Gra was work yesterday.?Was still feeling unwell from tablets, did warn dr of this but he insisted I would be OK,?

I absolutely agree with you Smileless It was my D birthday a week after I was cut out by nasty. We had already booked a table for her birthday lunch, I had bought her the expensive perfume she wanted and as always a beautiful card with words to match, in the card and from me. I had kept quiet since the 'cut out' the Friday before, but then on her birthday I txt ''Happy Birthday, would you like to come out for a nice birthday meal with your mum & sister, and we can build a bridge over troubled waters''
No reply, her card sits in my bedroom cupboard unopened.

I now wish my ND & I had gone round and just marched her out to the restaurant, maybe we could have lifted the fog from her brain and saved her from being totally brainwashed into hating the people that loved her & her children more than anyone else in the world! Her nasty husband and his mother had shown clearly on more than one occasion that they didn't! What words could you put in a card after what she had allowed to happen[?] No, definitely no reward for the cruelty to her mum, sister and baby D GD, and GS.

I had a great night out with 'The girls' last night, went to see the 'White Onions' the band we follow. My friends partner [only man had a picture of his GD, that he adores, on the case of his mobile, looked so like my GD, same age too ;-(

I'm glad we've never sent our ES cards since we knew that he'd cut us out of his life. We realised he'd done this on his birthday over 3 years ago when I 'phoned to wish him a happy bday and tell him that his card and pressie were here for him to collect, and discovered he'd blocked our telephone number.

The reason I'm glad that we never again got him cards is because we'll never have to take the decision to stop sending them. As you say Celeb we're damned if we do and damned if we don't, so we should only do what we feel is right for ourselves. Eventually the time will come to be selfish, to think of ways to ease our pain and suffering regardless of what our EC may or may not think.

I don't think that by not sending cards we are stooping to their level. Our ES has made it quite clear that he doesn't want us to be a part of his life and he's got what he wanted. For me, not sending cards IS sending a message: your behaviour is reprehensible and I refuse to be treated in this way. I can't make you change back into the DS you used to be but I can refuse to bow and scrape and therefore condone what you've done, and continue to do.

I want to concentrate on those people in my life who want me to be in theirs. I refuse to waste my time on energy on someone who no longer wants me. When in Oz our DS told us that he felt his bro needed re assurance of our love for him. If the first 27 years of his life weren't evidence of that then I fail to see what difference sending cards will make.

The last time we sent him a message which was in response to a particularly awful email he sent us, we told him that we loved him and were here for him if ever he needed or wanted us. We've always re affirmed our love for him when the opportunities have presented themselves since our estrangement began.

I am at peace with our decision not to send cards and I hope that all of you find peace in the decision you make about card sending.

Have a good weekend everyonenot too much for me as I really DO need to lose weight.

Thanks Yogagirl I reckon you right, a lady from moving forwards f book group Estranged group says she sends card not to stoop to their level. I happened to see on whine was simple and we decoded post Gra said 2ndmclass like her letter to me cutting us off 7 years gaol

I do agree she may missed me but last year didn't send one still didn't hear?Damn if you do damned if you don't.

It was lovley to see GD it really lifts our spirits and her lovley mum tool
Yes the sadness will always be there Yogagirl and sense of lone lines for me as only daughter.

D mum is same,age as T so that helps.

Got worry next week knee assessment then further cystoscopy horrid test on Thursday, mmm

On bright note out with good friend today, dance tomorrow night and seeing friends Sunday.

Next friday got Rock pay to go to if I survive cystoscopy last time in October went to private hospital and consultant did it, this time going small hospital near us? Hope ok.

Did swim acquacise yesterday very dodgy knee at momentl?☹

Happy weekend all ??for us all.

Morning Girls

Yes, nice to see your post Nanban You were the first post I saw on here, 3yrs ago, took me days to read all the posts, and your poem I still remember So sorry it's all gone 'belly up' again , but at least you had two years with them, what I would do for two hours

The sadness never goes away, how can it when you've lost [in my case] your daughter, granddaughter, grandson & Son! That nasty boy [son.i.l] destroyed my once loving and close family! When will it end ???????

Smileless that's what I always call my Lilly my 'furchild' such a nice term Hope you are feeling less sad now and are settling back into life in cold ole` Blighty!

Celebgran hope you enjoyed your visit with little GD, she is a little poppit isn't she . I don't think you should have posted T a card, as I've said before, she will get comfort from that card and say 'mum still loves me then' and it will then be chucked in the bin! Better for her to be looking out for the postman, for her card from you that she always gets, and then when her b/card doesn't arrive, she would miss it, for sure! & maybe it would make her miss you too!

well it is Friday

It's simply wonderful to see your post Nanbanbut upsetting to learn that things have once again gone wrong. It is wonderful that we are still talking and sharing and if it wasn't for you starting the thread on the AIBU forum, we wouldn't have found one another.

Thank you Nanbanxxx

Hi Nanban! I'm kinda new here so don't know your story. But I can see that there are issues between you and your son and GC. I'm so very glad that you enjoyed "two wonderful years" with them, but deeply sorry that all has gone wring again (apparently, it has happened before).

Do you have any idea why? How did you reconcile the last time? Do you think you could repeat the same and get the same good results?

Good that you and the Gc had that time to get to know each other. I agree that means they might seek you out on their own when they are old enough. I hope you have a FB page where they can find you if they want to. i've heard that some GPs open a FB account just for that purpose.

Celeb, I'm glad you were able to see GD. I know it doesn't change your other situation, but I just figure it's good to have some family love (outside of DH) and some connection with the next generatons.

Nanban great hear from you but not great news pleased you're up had 2 good years and hope it all goes well again, I know is hard for you.

We got my little GD twins Grandajghter visiting this afternoon. Not seen Her for ages she had differnt things wrong and then we were ill so will be lovely see her and her mum.

Yes got the fur babies from America. Ladies on moving forward good is t it smieless??

T birthday. NExt wed have posted simple card just keep door open we agonised over wether to or not, didn't last year.

Have decided no more gifts that's definite too hurtful with not response.

Ooops I posted on the wrong page!

Hello old friends!

I thought how wonderful that you are still all talking and sharing and then of course I realised - not so wonderful, wonderful would be if you had all your families back together again.

We have had two wonderful years with our son and grandchildren but sadly it has all gone badly wrong again. Dark and horrible days but we have to keep hope and now that the children know and love us, if all else fails, they will find a way.

There are no happy endings, just new beginnings. Lots of love to you all! xxx

Just went back and caught up on the other thread...

Rhinestone, I'm so sorry about all that fuss with your mother, but glad your DD was able to take care of it and it didn't interfere with your vacation! (Aiden is your SGS, I suppose?)

I can't get over what your SD pulled! DH must feel awful, poor guy! I realize 4 days may not be a lot of time if she had a lot to do, but if she had time for Aiden's party, why not some time for her dad? So sorry.

Also, I can't imagine why she wouldn't let you people come to the memorial and so forth. A sad occasion, but at least, you could have seen each other and you and DH would have been able to pay your respects. Was there an issue between you people and the other father? Could there be an issue with her mother? Is she mad at DH for some reason? Or, oh gee, maybe it's was cuz ESS would be there? Or is it just how she is?

Anyhow, such a shame that DD and your GC didn't get invited to that party cuz of SD's being there. But how foolish! Didn't SD and ESS realize that you would see that picture of her on Instagram? It doesn't sound like there's a lot of thinking going on there. (((Hugs!)))

Smileless, your DS in Oz sounds like a wonderful guy! (And "lovely d.i.l" sounds, yeah, just lovely, as you say!) But I don't get why he thinks ES needs "re assurance that (you) still love him." Has he talked to him lately? Is this something ES said? Isn't ES the one who, sadly, cut you and Mr. S. off? He's the one who needs to reach out to you, IMO, if he ever wants to reconnect. DS means well, I'm sure. However, unless ES said something to him that makes him see it this way, I think you're right. Sending a card will probably just antagonize ES and just bring on more nastiness. You don't need that!

Sorry you even saw those balloons! I hope it didn't hurt too much. (((Hugs!))) Please just try to hold onto the lovely memories of your Xmas in Oz and look forward to the next one! How beautiful that they invited you back! Shows they enjoyed the visit, too! Yes!

Funny how it''s so cool to put the decs up but such a pain to take them down! We usually don't even start till the beginning of February, LOL!

I'm so glad you and Mr. S enjoyed your visit, Smileless and got home safely. Sorry about the jet lag, but I'm sure you'll adjust soon.

I do feel for all of you who are missing your AC after nice Xmas visits and such. That would probably be true, regardless, but I suppose being estranged from another DS or DD makes it even harder. I'm lucky that both my DDs and family live fairly close and I do some babysitting, actually a lot of babysitting for one of them. But if either of them lived farther away, I'm certain I would be sad, too, after a visit.

I hope you'll all be feeling better soon. Are you able to keep in touch with these lovely DDs or DDs during the year through FB or FT (FaceTime)? Maybe that will help though I know it's not the same as being with them.

Thank you dear friends, I know it's only to be expected but it's till hard isn't it. I noticed that Rhinestone's started up another thread so I've just posted and told her about this one now it's up and running and suggested she gets hers deleted.

Leaving the fur babies, love that Celeb that's how I'm going to refer to them from now onis really hard isn't it. I always feel guilty but they all look well and happy on our return. The boarding kennels I use is the only one I would use but it comes at a cost; £1200 and that's with me supplying their food. Always tell Mr. S. to sit down before we're told how much we're going to have to pay.

Morning

Sorry you are feeling a bit down Smileless, only to be expected after such a lovely holiday and being made a fuss of by your NS&D.i.l, how lovely they invited you back for next Xmas, just shows they enjoyed your company. I feel fine when I'm with my ND&baby GD but after just an hour of them going I feel sad again! Fourth year, can't believe it and for what, no reason for it! [other than jealousy from nasty & his mother]

Know how you feel regarding going away and leaving little GD Celebgran I really hate leaving my Lilly and I wouldn't leave her anywhere other than a home from home i.e: neighbour or family, best would be a home/doggie sitter

Smilelss huge hugs ?Sorry you're feeling bit low, only natural I feel like that and my Steve is in uk but always sad if not got another dare see him.

You will be tired still too just focus on What wonderful time you had,???

We been cleaning today, found time book a Warners break for our wedding anniversary in July again cricket st Thomas in Somerset differnt place.??

Feel guilty at anything book cos of GD but she k laws we have keep busy bless her.

Here enjoy some ??will numb the sadness.

Glad fur babies are well and happy xxx

All 4 'babies' back home againand looking well and of course adorable.

Feeling a little low and weepy today. It was such a fab 3 weeks and we're so lucky that we can go to Oz to visit DS and lovely d.i.l. but it's just so hard saying goodbye and I'm missing them both more than I've ever missed them before. I know it's because we haven't been home for very long and the intensity will pass.

Just wanted to tell someone other than Mr.S. how I feel. I can see he's feeling the same way and like me, is trying to put a brave face on it, so don't want to mention it and I know you'll all understand.

Thanks.

Well another benefit of having spent Christmas in Oz, no decs to put away.

I know what you mean about trying to put the artificial tree back in the box, they never do fit in properly do they. We always have an artificial tree in the house and since our estrangement, Mr. S. has bought a real one for the back garden. That first Christmas was so awful and we were so depressed that he went out and bought loads of lights for outside. It took him all day to put them up and when he'd finished it all looked so lovely and he's been doing it every Christmas, well except for the one just gone of course.

Hope I'm not repeating myself but before we left DS and lovely d.i.l. asked us to go to Oz this Christmas tooso we wont be putting up the decs again this year either. Should have got over the jet lag by then. Woke up at 4 this morning, still awake at 5 so got up and had a drink, back to bed at 5.30 but didn't sleep properly just dozed off and on until 7.30 when I gave up and got up. So now I feel pretty crappy but Mr. S. is leaving work early today so we can go and collect our 'babies'; that'll make me feel better.

Call me cynical Yogagirl but some how I don't think the balloons were to welcome us home.

Hope the aquacise went OK Celeb. I'm booked in at the gym in Saturday and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. It will have been 4 weeks since I was last there so I know I'll be aching all over on Sunday. Hope the new tablets help relieve your tension and help get 2016 off to a better start for you.

Yoga we used to in the states, before my youngest was born. But my 6yo has loads of allergies and I was a bit wary of his hay fever. I bought a real wreath this year to see how he'd react to it in the house. It doesn't seem to have caused any flare ups, so next year, we'll buy a small real tree to put in the dining room. If we get through Christmas without any problems, then I will opt for a full size real tree the next year. Until then, the main tree will be artificial. That's my long range plan. I love real trees!!

Well, all back on same new page seems copy & Paste doesn't include faces

Heaven you should get a real tree for Xmas! I know they are messy and hard to get rid off, I've still to get my electric saw out , but they are sooo much nicer than an artificial one and they smell lovely and fresh and Christmasy!

Oh, didn't see this one had already began, learning how to copy & paste now [happy] I will go back and delete the new thread I just opened & come back to read posts.....
C&P
Glad to hear you are back ok Smileless maybe your estd.i.l put the
balloons out for you & Mr.S, to welcome you back home shock grin

Celebgran you sound very busy after your nice w/e away, glad you had good time.

Rhinestone sorry to hear your DD had such a tough time with your mum, she is obviously a good girl and made sure her grandma was taken care of in hospital. Good job you were already away in Florida, otherwise you may have missed your trip, enjoy your holiday, your mother is fine, safe in the hands of the medics. So you were right about the party then!

Beavenknows it is difficult the packing. Up my dh just flung all ornaments in bags I had hissy fit, I keep boxes for that,??

Nice get it all out way but seems bare, we kept pretty white lit tree out it isn't Xmas one and brightens hallway, also a small lit real fir tree that seemed too good put out in Dining room brighten dull old January. It was soo cute from aldi bargain. The needles not dropped at all!

Well done smilelss found the new thread?? long may we continue to support each other and share the ups and downs of our lives.

Going try hit acquacise today first time since virus attack, was bit disappointed dr increased my bp tablet yesterday, he is quite helpful but didn't even take my bp went by 24hr readings which weren't good just before Xmas and stressed out shouldn't done it then,
When got I. My be was very good. Apparently this tablet will help relax me and he feels tension is my worst symptom.

Smileless hope jet lag going away and welcome back??belated happy new year. All the best to all of us and hope for peace of mind even if we are still estranged.

I am still tidying up the last of the Christmas things here and there. The tree is the big thing - it won't fit in the box!!! I actually think I'm going to have to find another one to put it in. Or maybe find a second box for the rest of it? How is that even possible? It should fit in the box it came in!! Too many years of "fluffing up the branches" I guess?