What do we do when we can't help them anymore?

I feel so close to this one, my son, 42, used drugs and alcohol, has had massive stroke, paralysed down one side, can't communicate, can't swallow, will never recover or live independently. Get him help asap. Thinking of you Marelli

So sorry to hear this Marelli, how dreadfully worrying for you when you feel so helpless. I do hope you can get a response from your DS today to give you a little peace of mind.

It's true, we can't mend everything for our DC but it doesn't stop us feeling we must try everything we can if they need help does it. The best of luck to you and him, sending love x

Thinking of you and your DS Marelli. Wishing you both a little .

Good advice from roses perhaps a letter through the door, telling him how much he is loved and how you would like to help him get his life back on track might be just the thing. Sometimes it's easier to read something that has been written from the heart than having to hear it face to face.

Hope all gets resolved Marlin take care of yourself as well ??

marelli if you can't see him, keep texting, or even a letter through the door, to let him know he is loved and that you are there for him.?

I wouldn't give up.

The son of a friend of mine was in a similar state but she never gave up with him, offering support but no judgement. She was always there for him and even lent him money. The way she coped was to keep telling him she loved him, by text if she couldn't get to see him and to rally other family members to support him. Joy of joys, he turned the corner eventually, went back into education and now has a good job and a new partner.

I am wondering if this might help you:
www.adfam.org.uk/families/find_a_local_support_group call_a_helpline

It is a list of helplines for families of those who are abusing alcohol or drugs. It might be worth a try.

I hope that you find your GP helpful today - he/she might be able to suggest how you could get your son's appointment speeded up.

Good luck with all of this.

Good luck and look after yourself Marreli.

My heart goes out to you, Marelli! (((Hugs)))

I'm glad you decided to go round to DS' flat. Usually, I would say to back off if he seemed to want some space, but this is different. You need to know if he's ok and he needs to know that someone is there for him, no matter what.

When you have a chance, he needs reassurance, too, I think, that all the lies and such of the past are forgiven and everyone is just glad he's clean now.

I hope the GP will listen and step up DS' appointment. Also, I hope they can refer him to someone who can help him.

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!

such a sad and worrying situation for you.

Hello morelli, I'm joining the support for you. You aren't alone in having an adult child in their 40's who has been drawn into substance dependence but it can be so isolating for parents. I hope your visit goes ok. Please try and look after yourself

Marelli You're doing the right thing by going round, for yourself as well as your son. I do hope he'll accept some help and support.
Good luck and (((hugs)))

Go round again. Knock until he answers.

Hi Marelli
I have a similar situation with my eldest who is 40 , just sending you hugs xx

marelli Im thinking of you, take care , hope he is ok, its amazing what some people go through and pull through. I know many reformed drug /alcohol/substance users. there is always hope

Let us know what happens and keep talking to us.

I'm going now. I've made a GP appointment for me for the beginning of the week, as I think counselling isn't going to be enough just now. Think I may need a different crutch at present. Thank you.

Marelli you've had really good advice here. For yourself you need to go to see him so you know you've done what you can. (((hugs)))

Marelli do go round, he may not see you but you won't rest until you try.

Could you just let his GP know that you're concerned for his mental health & perhaps they would see him sooner?

Marelli my heart goes out to you. Just go. What's the worst that can happen - he might be annoyed, he might not let you in, but you need to let him know that you're not going anywhere till he's through this low patch. Don't forget to look after yourself through this time as well ((hugs))

Marellido go.

He's been considering going back to that particular team mumof. They helped him about 6 years ago, although he drifted back into bad habits after a year or so.
River, I'm going to go to his place this morning. I don't think he'll answer the door and although I have a key, I think he'll have left his own key in, so I wouldn't be able to get in.
I think he's reached a very low ebb, now.

If the drugs continue to be an issue would he be prepared to see someone from the local drug and alcohol team?
If you are sacked you do get benefits but not if you leave the job by choice, then I believe you have
to wait 16 weeks although my info may be out of date.

Marelli I can't remember what sort of relationship that you have with your son but is it such that you could just go round to his place? Maybe he'll be relieved to see you.

Given that you are fearful for his welfare, you could go to the practice (don't ring they won't speak to you about another patient) and have a quiet word about bringing the appointment forward.

It was so much easier when they were little and we could just 'fix' everything for them. I know what you mean about wanting to keep channels of communication open but fearing that you're just being another stress for him. Mothers worry. They just do and it doesn't stop. All you can do is take a day at a time. Best wishes to you.