What do we do when we can't help them anymore?

Oh Marelli no we can't. But it doesn't stop us wanting to and hurting for them.

It was so much easier when they were little and we could just 'fix' everything for them. I know what you mean about wanting to keep channels of communication open but fearing that you're just being another stress for him. Mothers worry. They just do and it doesn't stop. All you can do is take a day at a time. Best wishes to you.

Marelli I can't remember what sort of relationship that you have with your son but is it such that you could just go round to his place? Maybe he'll be relieved to see you.

Given that you are fearful for his welfare, you could go to the practice (don't ring they won't speak to you about another patient) and have a quiet word about bringing the appointment forward.

If the drugs continue to be an issue would he be prepared to see someone from the local drug and alcohol team?
If you are sacked you do get benefits but not if you leave the job by choice, then I believe you have
to wait 16 weeks although my info may be out of date.

He's been considering going back to that particular team mumof. They helped him about 6 years ago, although he drifted back into bad habits after a year or so.
River, I'm going to go to his place this morning. I don't think he'll answer the door and although I have a key, I think he'll have left his own key in, so I wouldn't be able to get in.
I think he's reached a very low ebb, now.

Marellido go.

Marelli my heart goes out to you. Just go. What's the worst that can happen - he might be annoyed, he might not let you in, but you need to let him know that you're not going anywhere till he's through this low patch. Don't forget to look after yourself through this time as well ((hugs))

Marelli do go round, he may not see you but you won't rest until you try.

Could you just let his GP know that you're concerned for his mental health & perhaps they would see him sooner?

Marelli you've had really good advice here. For yourself you need to go to see him so you know you've done what you can. (((hugs)))

I'm going now. I've made a GP appointment for me for the beginning of the week, as I think counselling isn't going to be enough just now. Think I may need a different crutch at present. Thank you.

Let us know what happens and keep talking to us.

marelli Im thinking of you, take care , hope he is ok, its amazing what some people go through and pull through. I know many reformed drug /alcohol/substance users. there is always hope

Hi Marelli
I have a similar situation with my eldest who is 40 , just sending you hugs xx

Go round again. Knock until he answers.

Marelli You're doing the right thing by going round, for yourself as well as your son. I do hope he'll accept some help and support.
Good luck and (((hugs)))

Hello morelli, I'm joining the support for you. You aren't alone in having an adult child in their 40's who has been drawn into substance dependence but it can be so isolating for parents. I hope your visit goes ok. Please try and look after yourself

such a sad and worrying situation for you.

My heart goes out to you, Marelli! (((Hugs)))

I'm glad you decided to go round to DS' flat. Usually, I would say to back off if he seemed to want some space, but this is different. You need to know if he's ok and he needs to know that someone is there for him, no matter what.

When you have a chance, he needs reassurance, too, I think, that all the lies and such of the past are forgiven and everyone is just glad he's clean now.

I hope the GP will listen and step up DS' appointment. Also, I hope they can refer him to someone who can help him.

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!

Good luck and look after yourself Marreli.

I am wondering if this might help you:
www.adfam.org.uk/families/find_a_local_support_group call_a_helpline

It is a list of helplines for families of those who are abusing alcohol or drugs. It might be worth a try.

I hope that you find your GP helpful today - he/she might be able to suggest how you could get your son's appointment speeded up.

Good luck with all of this.

I wouldn't give up.

The son of a friend of mine was in a similar state but she never gave up with him, offering support but no judgement. She was always there for him and even lent him money. The way she coped was to keep telling him she loved him, by text if she couldn't get to see him and to rally other family members to support him. Joy of joys, he turned the corner eventually, went back into education and now has a good job and a new partner.

marelli if you can't see him, keep texting, or even a letter through the door, to let him know he is loved and that you are there for him.?

Hope all gets resolved Marlin take care of yourself as well ??