Separate beds/rooms

I'm glad others are now saying they find admitting to their arrangements. As a youngish wife it was really hardwhen (I was probably in my early 30s). When we have visitors staying (mainly my Mum and Step-Dad) we give them 'our' bedroom (mine) and we sleep in his bed and a sofa bed. We even decorated 'our' bedroom for a couple rather than a woman. Now in my mid 50s with health issues, I have a reason or more honestly an excuse for our arrangements.

I have noticed that even if friends talk about them or their partners sleeping in the spare room for some reason like they've got a cold, they make a point of mentioning that they are back in one bed again. Sometimes they even say they slept better, but then they say they still wouldn't like it on a permanent basis.

It's not anybody else's business, but it doesn't mean that you are comfortable what other people think.

Definitely love our separate beds in separate bedrooms (and separate bathrooms too, unless we have visitors...). He snores and I hate having the Today programme first thing in the morning - like to choose much pleasanter listening on my iPad. Has only affected our relationship for the better - Golden Wedding in a couple of years (dv) and couldn't care less what anyone thinks. Isn't that one of the great advantages of getting old?!?!

My DH (of 3 yrs) and I have separate bedrooms which suits us really well. However, I also find 'admitting' to this very embarrassing, as so many times I hear people say that somehow this indicates that it must be the rocky road to divorce. In most other things I'm confident and outspoken, but I continue to maintain the fiction that we share a room to family and friends. This means decamping to his bedroom (and removing my stuff from my own) when people come to stay over. I realise this is ridiculous and am contemplating 'coming out' to get over my own stupidity!
Some of my embarrassment stems from the original reason for our decision, which was my snoring. Somehow male snoring is considered amusing, but female snoring just feels humiliating.I actually don't snore now, as I've lost 5 stones, but we still prefer our own spaces.
Ironically I had a very unhappy marriage for 20 years, which was outwardly respectable and secure, so I really should have the courage to tell people as I am now ridiculously happy in my new relationship!

I think maybe some of your visitors might also like to move to separate rooms but are scared in case their other half might leave them or raise the question of divorce.

Or maybe they have never tried sleeping with a loud snorer or restless person.

Hi, Im with SunnySusan on this I think. We have just recently started sleeping in separate beds, partly because of work, partly because we both sleep so much better in our own bed. I too feel quite awkward about it & have had adverse comments from family about it. (As they visit often, happily, it soon became obvious) I used to make excuses about the reasons for it but as I said, it is now obvious, so not a lot of point. It has been suggested buying a superking size bed. This sounds very luxurious but would take up almost all the bedroom and the bottom line is my DH doesnt really want to as he enjoys sleeping on his own! Another slight problem though, I do think it might be affecting our marriage as we seem to get on better if we've had guests staying and have had to share a bed again for a while. Not sure there is a solution

I wonder how these people know you sleep in separate rooms, you must have told them. Perhaps they just feel they have to say something when you do and it comes out wrong. If they are your friends they will understand.

We seem to be rather different to the rest of you. DH recently had a serious operation so it made sense for him to sleep in another room while he recovered but we were both glad when he came back. We have a standard double bed in a room which could easily take a huge one but we like it. He snores but gradually he has learnt that if I prod him gently (used to need to be hard) he turns over and stops snoring. I often have to get up to pee in the night but it doesn't bother him and I sometimes put the light on to read which also doesn't bother him. I go to bed before him but he never wakes me up. In the morning he gets the coffee which we drink in bed and that is the time we do most of our interesting chatting. We love our bed and are always happy to get back to it when we have been away.

Exactly ginny. I just want what I can't have. Nothing new there.

24 hours in a day wilmaknickersfir !

I sound pathetic. We are happy-ish. Honestly.

ginny my DH gets up at the crack of dawn and I get up when he's gone to work so he can potter. On a weekend he still gets up at the same time and even when he comes into to the bedroom for a chat, he's never comfortable for long on the bed saying he's up now and wants to get on. Sometimes I go through to him at night at bedtime, but he's got a single bed and being a curvy gal, there's not much room. We did have an agreement at one point that he'd come through to me for 5 minutes at bedtime, but that dropped away gradually when I could see how tired he was. He's a lark and I'm an owl, so it takes work. It's not the same as when you're waking up or going to sleep together.

we are in our seventies and because of health conditions(mine) prefer to sleep apart so don't let it bother you what other people think the most important thing is that you both get a good nights sleep

That is the key jingl - equality- 2 excellent beds with great mattresses and a soft pad on top - both perfect ;)

for my feet I have a cat - purrfect

How do you warm your feet up if there is no OH to put them on?

I'm amazed at how many people sleep separately, quite honestly! Couldn't get my old feller out of our double bed. We've got the most luxurious mattress in the house for one thing. How would we decide who decamped to a bog standard bed? (Not that I want him out )

rubylady lol!
Separate beds for the budgies
That has cheered up my Sunday morning no end!

ahahah Alea, young love- I wish ;)

I just love our 8 foot bed- that makes 'visiting' and even sleeping together possible without falling out of bed - good job that bedrooms is massive.

The first year we were married we lived for a while in the hospital digs (Queen Mary's Roehampton) in a mobile unit in the grounds. We had a tiny desk and chair, 1 sink and a 2'6 bed for 2. When the beep went for an emergency in the middle of the night - it was epic!

Wilmaknickersfit Can't see why you can't still have a cuddle and chat in bed. Surely the doors aren't locked and bolted. In fact DH are laying here right now having a lovely chat about our new Grandson who was born yesterday evening.

Looks like it's fairly normal practice.

Meant to say it's far more common these days than you might think.

I'm so used to being in bed on my own now that if I do have another partner, he's going to have to sleep in his own room, in his own house!

I have just ordered a new little cage for my budgies. One tries to bite the feet of the other late at night so I have bought a little cage for him to go in at night, so, seperate beds for them from now on.

I'd take no notice of what anyone says, it's up to you how you live.

We've had separate rooms for years now and we were quite young when we made the move. Initially it was because I needed the head of the bed raised for health reasons, but when the bed was put back flat on the floor we realised after a few nights that we slept better apart. We'd always struggled to get a good night's sleep for all the usual reasons already mentioned and we both had stressful jobs then too, so we went back to separate rooms.

Apart from my Mum, we didn't tell anyone else for donkey's years and she thought it was a bad idea because we'd lose that feeling of closeness. She was right in some ways. I do miss cuddling and chatting in bed, more than he does I'm sure. We do hug and tell each other we love you a lot and I think it's because we don't have that time in bed. It definitely affected our sex life.

We don't hide it these days and in fact, when we visit my Mum she has two spare bedrooms and now we use both of them. We've been together for over 30 years, so we're doing fine, but I just wanted to say that if you can sleep in the same room, then it's better to do that.

Why is there the assumption that "something must be wrong" when a loving couple decide to sleep apart? Why is it necessary to sleep together, with sleep being the operative word?. Bedroom gymnastics require the participants to be awake!!!

2 and a half years ago, my husband had an operation that meant he had to use a stoma bag. We decided between us that it would be better all round if he slept in another room until he could have the reversal op. He had that op a year ago, and moved back in with me when he came home, but after a few nights he decided to move back into the spare bedroom, as he`d got used to sleeping on his own. Nobody has said anything, but then only family visit anyway.

It is no-one's business but yours and people shouldn't comment, not should you have to explain.

Sometimes one of us sleeps in another room if one has a cold or cough or is unwell. Sometimes I think I will go off to the spare room if the snoring gets too loud (although DH assures me that I snore quite loudly too!).

What I would really like is one of those beds with two 3 ft. mattresses zipped together, so that I can't feel him fidgeting or the bed feeling like a ship in a storm when he turns over in the night. However, we don't have enough room for one.

Hi SunnySusie I used to worry what people might think when they knew we rarely slept together any more. But if they have been guests in our home they understand why when they hear my husband snoring!! For my sanity and a good night's sleep it has to be separate rooms as much as possible!