Sad grandaughter

I had three daughters and know this scenario well. It is tough, but it will pass. Trying to intervene in any way can exacerbate the situation. It does sound as though the ex best friend is under pressure from a gang of girls - I have seen this happen.

All you can do is to be a rock for her and keep trying to boost her self-esteem which will have taken a knock. And, as others have said, look for ways to broaden her friendship network.

It is so hard being a child sometimes - the law of the jungle seems to prevail.

Really helpful and useful comments above.

In the past I have worked with youth groups, guides and brownies and have seen this behaviour many times. The girls are very much the worst for this type of behaviour.
The causes are varied but mainly it is because they are learning about relationships and how to manipulate others. If they don't have adequate parenting in that they have not had clear guidance on behaviour they can become very nasty.
They pick on someone/anyone for any reason/excuse that they can make up. It can be over something as silly as the 'wrong brand' of just about anything. The victim may even just have a pimple or a need to wear glasses. Granny may have made them a hand knitted jumper and it only needs the jealousy in one child for that to become a focus. There may be jealousy over a close friendship so they work at breaking that up. The friends of the victim then distance themselves as they don't want to be victimised and that escalates the situation. Often there is even a turning on the original friend they have managed to peel away so that their joining in with the perpetrators backfires. Sadly the original victim is often not grown up enough to forgive and put it down to experience and so that friendship is lost forever.

It can be difficult to sort out. Since DGD and her erstwhile best friend seem friendly enough on their own it would seem that a third party is very much involved so it may be retrievable. If DD knows the parents of DGD's friend a family lunch can help as it would give an opportunity to discuss the situation.
Suggestions about inviting potential friends to tea are a good idea too.
The school don't seem to have done very much so far so pushing them to treat it more seriously would be an idea as others have said.

At 9 your GD is either in Y4 or Y5. Children this age are more than capable of being brought to understand the feelings of others, at least in a basic way.

Have the parents spoken to the HT about this? I would. And go with some positive suggestions such as a class lesson of the value of treating other children kindly and inclusively. Handled sensibly by a good teacher, and probably mentioning no names or specific examples, this might open the eyes of those who are treating your GD in this way. There are areas of the curriculum that this would slot into neatly.

Many schools run a Buddy system too and others give awards at assembly for various things, including acts of kindness.

So a visit to the HT and an enquiry if any of the above exist might be worthwhile. All schools I know would have a way if tackling this, as the welfare of their pupils should feature highly in their mission statement.

So sorry to read of this problem. As said earlier, it is unfortunately common with girls in this age group. I am glad your DS and DIL have alerted the teacher as they and teaching assistant can be sensitive and help to build DGD's sense of self-esteem which must be bruised at
present.

As a primary school teacher, I have to teach what constitutes 'bullying'. Sometimes children use this word when they mean they feel left out. It is tricky - we say any sustained /deliberately repeated behaviour that aims to isolate / exclude etc. is bullying. But sometimes in friendship circles it just does happen that children fall in and out of 'like' and can be very influenced by others, without meaning to be unkind.

I hope the teacher has looked into this as if bullying really is taking place , the school needs to respond with pastoral care and addressing the problem directly with all concerned.

Good teacher advice, not to chase the friendships, but so easier said than done.

Is there anyone else in the class that DIL could invite home to tea for your daughter to help make new friendships?

Glad she has a wide and loving circle of family and friends - ultimately, she will come through this and if she can be reassured that it is not because she is 'the problem', she will hopefully learn positives.

Could you try having them all to yours for a really nice tea? Just to try to get her back in their 'good books'?

If that doesn't work then her mum should tell her not to bother with any of them. And then perhaps invite someone else from her class so as to start up a new friendship. Might be worth a try.

I would want to know what else is going on in the class. I had to deal with this sort of thing when working in a Behaviour Team supporting schools. It's not good enough to just say "Find new friends". If the other girls is friendly outside school then there is almost certainly a third girl influencing this, and she needs to be stopped. It is bullying, and I would want to see the school's anti-bullying policy and know what sort of lessons they had on the subject. The class (all of them, not just the girls) need to be taught that deliberate unkindness is never acceptable and if they see it they should challenge it It's not easy within a class just to switch friends, and your DGD will probably have to put up with these classmates for another couple of years. Do not be fobbed off. Too many schools accept this kind of bullying.

That must be upsetting for you and for her parents to think of her being excluded like this by people she'd always thought of as friends. I saw this happen with my DD, and it was terribly upsetting for me. There is very little anyone can do, apart from alert the school to the situation, as your DS and DiL have done.
It is entirely possible that in a week or so, things will change and she'll be back in favour with this friend. Children can be so fickle. It is horrible to be standing on the sidelines and watching helplessly though

She may not have done anything in the first place. I had a best friend at school suddenly drop me when I was about 12. It took me a while to realise that I had not done anything wrong or differently, she was just maturing faster than me.

Sounds like her original best friend may be the same. And is also influenced by others in the group.

I agree with her teacher that your DGD needs to try and find different friends and not keep chasing the original ones.

Poor thing. I think it is quite common for girls to suddenly turn on a friend. If she is otherwise secure I'd try not to worry too much. Chances are that next week they'll be best friends again.

Meantime, are there any activities out of school where your dgd could make new friends, or if she's still friends with the other girl in a one-to-one, could you arrange to perhaps enable them to play together outside school on their own?

I agree: it's horrible to see (cringes at memories of dd experiencing similar..).