Friend, or no?

"Single White Female" anyone? The movie, I mean - that's what this reminds me of.

And yes, I definitely think there are some people who get close to someone to try to take away what they feel the other person has and they don't. Sorry to hear it's been called "being Wendied" (for obvious reasons), LOL! But I have no doubt that it happens and I don't think you're being "childish" for noticing or being worried about it.

I'm another one who wouldn't automatically give up the friendship w/ L. After all, I'm sure it still means a lot to her, too, even if she's also friends w/ the new person for the moment. It's cool to continue to do the things together that you usually do, but can you also plan some things w/ L separately, as I'm certain you've done in the past? Any reason, for example, that you can't ask L out to lunch or over to your house (just you and her), now and then?

But I also agree w/ the poster who recommended finding new friends. It wouldn't hurt to start looking around for/reaching out to some other people. That may make it easier if you end up totally losing L to the new woman though I hope it doesn't come to that.

Mermaids48 I have had this happen to me (more than once) too and very unpleasant it is too. The only thing to do is to move on and find new friends fast as it is not worth your while to chase after anyone who has treated you in that way. Nobody is so inept or so insensitive that they cannot realise that their best friend is no longer around!
The first time it happened to me DH warned me about it and told me that there was something about her that repelled him but I couldn't see it to start with. I soon did though and she proceeded to peel away my entire group of friends and there was not a thing I could do about it.
The second time was when I was ill and my 'friend' thought I was going to die and was lining herself up to take my place. I even got to the point where I thought that at least DH wouldn't be lonely. Can't believe that now!!! When she realised that I was going to survive she found herself another man and married him. Have to say he is not a patch on my DH!

I wouldn't advise speaking to L, it can make you seem "needy" and if she is a real friend she will realise herself what is happening and act accordingly .

Maybe your Wendy is just socially unaware and doesn't realise she seems to be pushing you out? Only you can judge that.
It would be a shame to lose a good friendship with L, especially if she doesn't understand why you are not around so much. I think you should raise the subject with L, to get her viewpoint and see if she really prefers the other person or not.

bold Luckylegs9 - thanks and I agree that being in a relationship that leaves one feeling upset isn't worth the energy. The whole situation is becoming too 'gamey' and after some great advice from all above, I have definitely decided to hold my head up high, walk away and invest in people I know are genuine friends.

If L is a true friend she will not forfeit your friendship for this other woman. Why don't you tell L how you feel, but it's difficult to know what to do about this other person wanting to take over. I do think eventually things will sort themselves out and don't think you are being silly at all, it is very hurtful and it is no good being in a situation you find upsetting.

91 threads on Mumsnet, on being Wendied.

It might give some insight to read them via a search for the term ' Wendied'

x

mermaid Do you feel that this new friend of yours is actively trying to push you out of the picture and have there been occasions when you know you have been excluded? If so, I would do what others have said - try to ignore it and see more of your other friends instead.

'wasn't it'

must read before posting

And wasn't her brother Dougie who put the final nail into the metaphorical coffin?

That did happen on Mumsnet as ana says, but my research indicates that being 'wendied' originates with the Scottish politician Wendy Alexander.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/labour/2213610/Wendy-Alexander-rising-star-who-finally-fizzled-out-after-one-storm-too-many.html
" She earned the nickname "minister for everything", but her relations with colleagues were so stormy that rows in the executive were known as "being Wendied"."

As you were

Oh dear, I know an absolutely lovely Wendy!

Didn't Mumsnet call it that on just one particular thread where the new friend's name was Wendy?

It's a horrible position to be in and you must be very hurt, Mermaids48. My own reaction would probably be to leave them to it, but that isn't necessarily the right thing to do in all cases, it's up to you. Good luck

This did happen to me some years ago. I still see the original friend but things have never been the same ,I realised she was always "looking for a better offer".

A nasty scenario and one which I also remember being the plot of a novel, but naturally I have forgotten which!

I'm sorry to read this Mermaids48 but I have come across a few people who behave this way.

If you are good friends with L surely this will hold fast? Do you know how L feels about this new friendship? She might be feeling rather taken over by this person but unwilling to offend.

It would be a great shame if you excluded yourself from your own friendship with L and others because of this person.

You are probably not the only one to be affronted and upset by this person's attitude/behaviour though, others will notice too.

Can't offer any advice how to handle the present situation I'm afraid. .

Hello! Thank you jainainsworth and J52 for this very valuable advice. Oh - I've been 'Wendied' alright!! I did't realise it was a widespread practice either. I am really very grateful to you both and feel much better already (smiley smile).

A horrible experience for you.

I believe Mumsnet call this being 'Wendied' . Apparently it is quite common.

Try to maintain a friendship with L, even if it is on the cool side. Some people go through life behaving childishly, unfortunately.

x

I recognise the scenario mermaid and you are doing the right thing to steer clear and maintain a haughty indifference.
Yes, we should have left this sort of behaviour behind in the school playground but sadly some people haven't.
If L is a good and worthwhile friend she will still value your friendship even if she's temporarily flattered by the attention she's getting from
the new person.