10 days and counting

Tanksalot , I completely understand ! I would be heading for the hills too . Some people thrive on company but I can only take it for so long then I need my space even if only for a few hours .
I am sure your wife will understand if she has any empathy that is ! You are not being selfish needing to distress , rather that than be a grumpy old man ..

Don't worry too much about your wife's reaction to you leaving. Maybe be more worried about her reaction when you come back.

'If you like pina colada and getting caught in the rain ...' comes to mind

I wonder if the op's wife would like to run away in the motor home, on her own, too?

nina it's someone's law that one does a narky reply and everyone else is full of sympathy isn't it. jings

I think it is about balance and compromise on both sides.

I am married to a man who is very introverted - not spoilt or whining or self-centred - he just finds a lot of people over sustained periods of time difficult to handle and it genuinely makes him stressed. I am the complete opposite and thrive on company - the more the merrier and where my children are concerned it is very difficult to say I am unavailable - can't actually remember the last time I did, though at times I am very grateful to my DH for reminding me we could do with our own quiet times.

tanksalot you seem to be on the brink of giving up a lot to move nearer to take on an increasingly supportive role for your DD and family. You are bound to have reservations and feel swamped about that at times.

However, rather than 'disappearing' which risks a hurtful breakdown in communication between you and your wife, could you not 'whisk her away' for a mini-break and use time alone together to chat things through and to check out how she is feeling? She may have some of the same reservations as you, but feel under pressure to be ultra supportive - particularly as you both get on well with your DD and SIL. That may actually make it harder for her to draw some boundaries and you could help her to set out what you both think is reasonable involvement.

For what it is worth - I think you have been judged harshly here, though you haven't perhaps represented yourself in the best light . But I do understand that some people have a much greater need (not selfish whim) for space than others.

I do hope ethel doesn't see this thread because it confirms her opinion of married men.

My first post was because I didn't want to say what I really thought, but I share the opinion of others.
I feel sorry for the op's wife.

tanksalot maybe your wife would welcome you helping her out with your granddaughter, especially when your daughter is at work. You could offer to look after your granddaughter for a while to let your wife and daughter go out somewhere together. It might be a baptism of fire for you, but it would give you a chance to get to know your granddaughter. At the moment it sounds like you're not interested in your grandchild and that's not a likeable personality trait.

You need to get involved or risk being left behind, otherwise you might find yourself permanently alone.

Yes grannya. I responded in my usual measured way too.

I'm sorry tanksalot but you sound like an overgrown spoilt child who is no longer getting all of the attention.

To my DH and I, our family is the most important thing in the world to us. We have changed nappies and wiped noses more times than I can remember and although we don't run our lives around the grandchildren we do take delight in spending time looking after them together.

I think you need to be very careful as you sound (if you don't mind me saying) quite selfish and have the "but what about poor old me" attitude as though you are almost jealous of your own grandchildren????

Whatever you decide to do I hope you don't end up a lonely old man in your precious camper van.

Quite ga!

Unusually for me I actually felt quite cross when I read this. I wanted to respond by saying that the OP sounds like a petulant, selfish whiner who is in danger of spoiling what is a very happy occasion for his wife and family simply because he's out of his comfort zone for a few WEEKS! I wanted to say to the OP that he does not HAVE to get out of there at all; his life is not in danger because his family want him to be present on a few social occasions. I felt very much inclined to say that the OP comes across as immature and self-centred and he could actually enjoy being with his wife and family if he just made the decision to put their happiness before his own on this occasion.

I will however respond instead in my usual measured way with words of encouragement by saying to the OP that my husband doesn't particularly enjoy big social occasions or attending to very young children, but he loves me and our family enough to put aside his own preferences and join in with our activities; for the sake of not spoiling your wife's enjoyment could you not try to make the best of things?

It doesn't matter what your wife's reaction to your going off alone will be?! On second thoughts she will probably be glad to see the back of you.

I, personally, would feel it was slightly freaky weird.

Join in more. Play with your GD. Your wife would probably appreciate another nose wiper. Forget about yourself.

tanksalot I think you really need to talk to your wife about how you feel. She might understand how you dislike big groups. you are not alone in feeling that way. Just to disappear is not going to do any good for your relationship.

Get involved with your grandson yourself. My DGS really enjoys being with his one grandad. If it's only giving him a cuddle while you read him a book.

I think grandads in particular are important as they have a male
perspectve in what for small children is often a very female oriented world.

DH used to escape to the Pub!

I'm presuming you are in the States tanksalot and that's a helluva move you across country and a long drive home too. Perhaps once you move closer to them you will both find new friends and past times that you can do together maybe your wife feels she has to cram spending lots of time with them while you are there as you live so far away which she won't need to do once you live closer, have you told her how you feel?

Only 10 days! Hang on in there and be supportive. Sounds to me as though you don't like playing second fiddle. Sorry to be harsh. If you have a the camper to escape to for a couple of hours, I think that should be enough It's not as though it's for ever.

Oh dear