Daughter-in-law jealous of granddaughter

Good posts, wendysue and faye. "Gushy" grandparents can be a bit of a pain.

Abigailanne, I agree with PPs, especially Faye. IMO, DS and DIL are behaving in a very immature way, but they may feel as if you're saying without actually saying it, "We love GD more than DS; she's more important to us than anyone else; and/or we favor DD and SIL cuz they gave us a GC."

Balancing the scenario, by having more photos up of DS and DIL, if you don't already, as Faye suggests, may help alleviate the problem. Not that anyone has the right to a say in anyone else' decor. But if you want to try to ease their jealousy, adding a few more pics of them may be easy enough and worth giving a try.

It also may help to even out the number of Christmas presents a little more (if that's an issue). Also, perhaps paying more attention to DS and DIL when GD is around, asking them questions about their lives, and so on (again if you don't do that already).

I know it can be hard to focus on anyone else when an adorable child is around, especially if you don't get to see them all that often. So maybe DS and DIL are on the right track and it's better if they're not there when DD and family are. Sad for the sibling and uncle/niece and aunt/niece relationships, I know. But it may be necessary.

But Christmas is a long way off. If you manage to balance out the photos and such, perhaps they'll change their minds about not joining you for it, as we get nearer to the holliday(it's still a long way off). But if not, I think you should just let it be. Maybe see them, separately, on an alternate day, during the Christmas season. Or enjoy other events with them when DD and family back in Australia.

*Dd should be DS

I think it would be nice if you had some photos of your son and DIL around your house too, that's if you don't already. Your DD and DIL might feel that they are not an important part of the family.

It does seem as though your DIL may want children herself and seeing all those photos of your GD is hurtful. It probably has nothing at all to do with them disliking your GD, though I would tone down your adoration of your GD in front of them.

If your DIL ever does get pregnant it would be helpful if you let her know you will love her DC just as much as DGD.

I'm inclined to wonder if she doesn't actually agree with her husband on the 'no children' rule. Maybe she went along with it and married him because she loves him, all the time hoping she'd get him to change his mind. So the constant reminders of your GD around your home are just much too upsetting for her.

It is sad for parents when their children grow up and gain partners/spouses and their loyalties alter, but its the way of the world and we parents have to just accept their decision to support their own family even if that consists of the two of them. Enjoy your granddaughter just how you want but maybe when other grandchildren come along your first granddaughter won't be the centre of attention as it will be shared amongst them.

Hi tanith, This is the latest issue, it changes from year to year but this is the biggest! She can't/won't spend Christmas with the family as she can't bear to see us making our granddaughter & I quote "her the centre of your univers, it would spoil Christmas for me" unquote. Quite sad, but even sadder is that my son agrees! Thank you for your advice x

Doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship with your dil Abigailanne what a shame, so are the problems she's created to do with your granddaughter or another problem entirely? I would just ignore anything she says about your granddaughter its not really her business how many or what sort of pics you have in your house so don't let it wind you up by ignoring it.