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Grumpy husband - is it just old age?

(152 Posts)
holdthetonic Wed 08-Jun-16 08:25:25

My husband is 69 and seems to be getting increasingly grumpy / rude. Is this normal for the ageing male ? ! I'm 52 and try to be jolly and cheery but his grumpy mood just makes me bicker with him. Needless to say the atmosphere at home is pretty awful. I'd like to be more sociable but I don't really invite people over because of his moods.
ADVICE please. Is it time for Relate ?

fiorentina51 Wed 08-Jun-16 08:36:39

Without sounding too alarmist, if this mood change is out of character, it could be a sign of depression or early stage dementia. If it's got to the stage of not wanting friends around because of his rudeness, I'd be inclined to seek some professional guidance.

kittylester Wed 08-Jun-16 08:39:20

This must be difficult for you holdthetonic.

There could be lots if reasons for his grumpiness. Is he still working, recently retired, in good health, do you/he have family or money worries? There could be lots of reasons if he is more grumpy than usual.

holdthetonic Wed 08-Jun-16 08:57:20

Thanks for your replies. Yes I do find it we're at home together all day.
He's been retired a few years, no money or family worries, we do exactly what we want to. Life is peachy -BUT he's just grumpy ! Perhaps I should just ignore it and carry on regardless. I keep myself busy....

MiniMouse Wed 08-Jun-16 09:13:18

Do you have any outside interests that you could enjoy, either together or separately?

I agree with considering the possibility of a health issue - could be a deficiency in nutrients? That happened to my Aunt, who wasn't having enough protein in her diet.

Teetime Wed 08-Jun-16 09:15:43

MY DH tends to grumpiness, he is of course a British Olympic sigher and represents his country for sulking but he's not rude so I empathise with you. We find if we are on top of each other (not that naughty) we egt grumpy so is there a way you could make some space for yourselves by doing different activities? Good Luck and keep smiling. smile

GandTea Wed 08-Jun-16 09:30:02

"My husband is 69 and seems to be getting increasingly grumpy / rude. Is this normal for the ageing male ?"

Yes of course it is, what do you expect, sunshine and laughs all day long, sheesh, some women.

We wake in the morning "would you like a cup of tea dear? -- stupid question, of course we do, why give us a decision to make. What would you like for dinner, another bloody decision, are you going to sit there in your underpants all day -- If I wasn't I would have got dressed.

Am I a grumpy old man, oh no, another stupid question.


rosesarered Wed 08-Jun-16 09:43:54

I think it's pretty normal holdthetonic as all my friends report the same thing!😆

MiniMouse Wed 08-Jun-16 09:47:06

Thin ice GandT, very thin ice grin

Grannyknot Wed 08-Jun-16 09:51:30

holdthetonic have you asked him whether or why he is unhappy? (because that is what it seems like). Or just tell him it's not very nice to be in his grumpy space all the time and could he please consider that from your point of view?

kittylester Wed 08-Jun-16 09:52:40

Definitely Mini! grin

merlotgran Wed 08-Jun-16 10:03:06

It's normal!

Humbertbear Wed 08-Jun-16 10:05:39

My husband is distinctly more grumpy when he is tired and pretending he is fine. Maybe they were always grumpy but as they were at work all day we didn't see them enough to notice?

Gagagran Wed 08-Jun-16 10:15:35

Mine gets grumpy when there are jobs waiting for him to do!Or if he's hungry.....or tired....or unwell but not willing to say what's matter. Perhaps it's just men getting older?

Hattiehelga Wed 08-Jun-16 10:17:51

My nickname for mine is "Victor" - says it all really.

Neversaydie Wed 08-Jun-16 10:18:43

Known amongst my friends as Grumpy Old Man syndrome
I think men possibly reflect more than women on their lives and what they have achieved (or not) especially work/career wise and sometimes think 'is this it'Whereas women look at their families ,relationships and as long as they are ok are quite happy .
DH and me happiest if we spend some time apart

starbird Wed 08-Jun-16 10:19:06

He could be worrying about something - perhaps he is bored, doesn't see what the rest of his life is going to be, maybe thinking about the BIG existential question (death and what it means).

Perhaps he has pains and is afraid he has the big C and is too scared to find out. On the other hand maybe he has just settled into being a grumpy old man.

Do you know a man friend he likes or used to hang out with, who you could invite round then go out yourself, or arrange to meet up in a pub as a foursome and let the men talk to each other - maybe they could join something like bowls, or a walking group.

Does he have skills he could share as a volunteer?

Do you tell him you love him? Perhaps you look young and fit and he thinks you are bored with him 😀

Lilyflower Wed 08-Jun-16 10:19:13

I think men do get more grunpy with age. It's to do with falling testosterone levels. Mine got so horrid I said I wasn't going to stay around if he couldn't stop being tetchy, negative, sulky and controlling and he made a real effort to stop it.

I watched a few episodes of 'Kirsty and Phil's Love It or List It' and there were two episodes where the (older) men were truly awful: selfish, mean, controlling, negative and unreasonable. Their wives were pleasant, friendly, accommodating, positive, cheerful and ran round trying to keep the men happy. They were wasting their time and energy. The more the men were appeased the worse they got. Men need an ultimatum.

Lilyflower Wed 08-Jun-16 10:19:37

Grumpy, not grunpy! Sorry.

NanaCorinne Wed 08-Jun-16 10:20:07

Gosh Gagagran That sounds like my 3yr old DGS. He's grumpy when hungry, tired or unwell!

inishowen Wed 08-Jun-16 10:20:51

Mine was grumpy all his working life, and for a year after retirement. Then a big change. He's cheerful and upbeat now and lives for the grandchildren. He's a friendly person and cheers up everyone he meets. I think his job as a police officer must have had a terrible affect on him, and retirement has been a new lease of life. To the OP, sit him down and have a heart to heart chat with him. He needs to know how miserable he makes you feel. Maybe he should see his GP. Good luck.

maturefloosy Wed 08-Jun-16 10:23:56

Behaviour or personality changes can be a sign of some sort of Dementia setting in - is he forgetful about anything or show any signs of confusion.?

However I hear this a lot from my married friends who all say their husbands are like this - -grumpy or forgetful or anxious over little things - in some form or another so maybe it is just what older men are like.

Flossieturner Wed 08-Jun-16 10:25:21

What annoys me about my Grumpy, is that he reserves it for me. Any one calls or when we are socialising he has a different attitude.

I find it depressing that I am not valued enough in his eyes for him to make an effort.

GranVee Wed 08-Jun-16 10:29:47

It's normal. I think the older they get the grumpier they get. I think they find old age hard especially if they've been fit and sporty when younger. I tell mine that it isn't going to get any better so to stop moaning about it and make the most of what he has now.

Lindaloulabel Wed 08-Jun-16 10:35:17

Jekyl and hyde come to mind ......What I do is challenge why he says/does and mention passive aggressive and he seems to come out of it. Think we can all be a bit grumpy sometimes and it is good to vent trouble is who we do it to.