Grumpy husband - is it just old age?

Some years ago I bought a sign from an Oxfam shop that says 'A lovely lady and a grumpy man live here'. It sits on the window ledge by the front door as a reminder!

GrandTea your earlier post made me chuckle.

holdthetonic

I think you need to have a frank and open discussion with your husband, no recriminations but just try to get to the bottom of the problem. There are any number of things which can make him feel unhappy and of course you will be in the firing line for his complaints. If he won't respond to you maybe one of your children could find out what is troubling him.
I have the opposite problem, my husband is relentlessly cheerful in the mornings and it drives me mad. I just want to be left alone with my coffee and the paper. We are never satisfied are we.

Yes, thank you Gandtea for your funny and heartening comments on this very sad thread.

I too am experiencing many of the things that are upsetting other Gransnetters. I can cope with grumpy - I'm not always sweetness and light myself. But what I find very upsetting is being criticised for petty little things, being shouted at - often for no reason that I can understand - and being bossed about.

I wake up feeling anxious and sad every morning, hoping that somehow something will change but it just seems to get worse. I have tried to discuss this, and even in the past suggested we go to counselling, but my husband just clams up.

It does seem to be very common with older men. My friend has been very seriously ill and is living with terrible uncertainty regarding her health and yet her husband seems to show little kindness and consideration for her and is, frankly, a miserable old sod. It upsets her and it makes me angry on her behalf.

I dare say men do fear getting older and do have some regrets about their lives but surely it's the same for women too. Generally speaking, I don't see them stomping around with long faces and shouting at the slightest pretext.

Eloethan my father became like that in his latter years, not dementia (unless vascular) but a series of mini strokes each one eroding his lovely witty personality. Factor in fear of extreme old age, general declining health and for many men an absence of self worth because their career was such an integral part of their lives and it makes sense now, but at the time it was so hard to understand.
Have you eliminated physical causes? Have you discussed this with any medical professionals? There are so many people of our generation who seem to be suffering from some sort of mental decline, if not full blown dementia, it has to be a possibility.
Or if he is just a grumpy old sod, would it be possible to enlist the support of a mutual friend or former colleague to try to find out what is going on in his head. Depression?
You have my sympathy!

Thank you MawBroon.

Eloethan,
It sounds awful to wake up with a sense of dread every day
I hope you can sort something out: it's really unfair of your husband to make life so unpleasant for you.
Best wishes. X

Just thought I'd add an update to my previous post about grumpy husband. I finally persuaded him to see another GP in our practice (one a bit less glamorous than his favourite one!) who immediately diagnosed the condition causing him so much pain.
So now he's on the right medication and nothing sinister diagnosed life is much brighter all round. Thank you for your sympathy and suggestions.

I too have this situation. He doesn't enjoy good health but it's hard to be around someone who is so grumpy and doesn't want visitors. I find I have to steel my self against his little jibes 'are you out again' yes shopping, chripodist! Etc. I do meet friends twice a month for lunch, other than that don't go out much. He says ' pubs do nothing for me now a days' ' don't like the cinema' ' don't like shows' on it goes.
I find myself saying the opposite to what I really want as I know he will disagree with me! Good to know I'm not alone Holdthetonic!!

Bear up - my OH has always been like this about going out - well for the last 30 years at least. Now he is unwell, I cannot even try and persuade him - he always used to have a great time if you could just prise him out of his chair!

I am very used to doing stuff on my own - it is just how life is. I have just been staying in Wales and spent every night at a concert - I went to 5 in all. I go to the same festival every year and always go to the concerts alone. It seems crazy really as he shares my enthusiasm for music - it is not as if it is a specific interest of mine. He has always just been glued to his chair and anxious about going out. Hey ho.

Reality check needed for my .. negative .. condescending .. varbaly abusive (only to me, but in front of our grown up children) .. GRUMPY old man!

Presented him with a written ultimatum yesterday (to save an outburst by him) today he’s rather a nice man!! ??

I know this is an old thread from 2016 but I wonder if any of the posters here were able to find out why their old men had become grumpy, and solve the problem?

I haven’t a clue ... but after my grumpy old man’s written ultimatum ... he now realises which side his bread is buttered ... ? ... I hope ... watch this space!

Mine gets happy when he is alone, but most of the time it is "why be happy when you can be miserable?" It runs in his family. Be careful whom you marry...

I keep telling my Grumpy old husband that he’s suffering from a severe case of Shrinking Willy Syndrome, the older he gets the more things shrivel up and become wrinkled, the more Grumpy he becomes, and his names Willy (William) anyway!

Tbh, some days he can be downright nasty and rude, starts a rant of swearing about anything and nothing, then mostly falls asleep for a couple of hours and wakes up in a better mood. He’s 80 years old, and I’m well aware that this could be the start of Dementia, but he flatly refuses to talk to his GP about it, he’s also starting to get rather scruffy in his appearance, has let his hair grow really long, and dresses in mismatched colours of clothes and tatty worn out shoes, despite having plenty of new ones in the wardrobe. He’s not easy to live with at the moment, l spend the majority of my day feeling like I’m back at work as a Mental health Nurse, but at least l got some peace and off duty time back then, no such luck when you have to live along side this behaviour day after day.

JulianM in regard to your post @19:36 today, it is strange that one of the other partners in our business was saying the same as you about his wife only the other day.

In that, the older she gets the sagier her breasts and everything else becomes and the ever more grumpier she becomes to go with it.

Strange how that syndrome affects both sexes in some people, don't you think. ??

Yes men do get grumpy selfish, set in their ways and unsociable as they get older. I'm married to one and it's a trial at times. I have just built up outside interests without him and live my life without relying on him for emotional support and happiness.

Yes, Tooting29 many men find their wives become very grumpy and selfish as they become older. Those men also have to carry on with no attention or affection from their wives or partners and just have to find other interests and carry on with their lives.

My father was an easy going man all his life until he began to suffer from dementia - changed into a really grumpy man early on. Have you noticed any other changes such as apathy, spacial awareness problems, short term memory difficulty or forgetting words or not understanding what you mean on occasions?

My husband the same , we've never been this long together continual , he's been off work and will be for 3 weeks . I'm still at work thank goodness , ( a key worker ) you f I was home all day , think he'd pull me down. I'm same bright cheery caring , what do we do , have lots of friends
( we can Wats app ) and I'm creative , so spend time in my sewing room. You're not alone..

Have you told him that his grumpiness worries you?

I agree men do tend to become grumpy, but usually it is a sign that something is worrying them.

If you haven't already done so, ask him straight out why he is grumpy. Is he feeling ill? Worried? Bored?

If he replies no to all of the above, tell him that his grumpiness is getting you down, so will he please stop it?

Is there to be any thread at all where Grandad1943 does not pop up on criticising everything that the posters have said? Surely he’s too busy with his v v important haulage business to be bothered with scouring threads looking for opportunities to contradict what he sees as misanthropy? Please leave us alone to our silly frivolous posts just complaining or getting off our chests any ill feelings about husbands without resorting to harsh words or worse?

My grumpy has lost interest in just about everything. I’m the entertainment director! He is bored and fat, but won’t do anything about it. He moans all day. He makes my feel inadequate because he doesn’t want to talk about the problem or fix it. He acts like this is normal. What happened to the adventurous man I married?

I’m sorry to tell you, but it’s been my experience when they retire it gets worst!

Does being unhappy about:
Not putting things back they came from
Bunging stuff into the store cupboard in any order
So that things fall out
Rarely dumping old magazines (piles on floor and in corner of lounge)
Keeping quiet about mood swings
constitute being a grumpy old man?

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