How to help a friend through divorce

Children not choldren. Sorry. No edit button.

Two of my friends were left by straying husbands. One was left when her baby was four months old and the other was left by her husband for her best friend. This friend had a baby by my friend's husband and the next month another woman had a baby by the same chap as he was double-two-timing!

These women went through agonies especially when their husbands came back for access to the choldren whom they then both neglected and took into dangerous situations. One little lad had to be dragged from under the table to go with his 'daddy!

The treachery and cruelty of some men knows no bounds.

Still, all you can do is be 'there' and endlessly sympathtic. Both of my friends found other men and married again and these second husbands were kind, generous, loving and faithful.

The decency of some men knows no bounds either.

Hopefully,the extended step-family will be supportive for your friend.I think the best thing you can do is to be a listener and just let her use you as a sounding board.Like newforestnan says,someone who will just let you talk through hard times is invaluable.
Perhaps you could gently suggest outings together when she is up to it,to show her that will be a life beyond this,even if her husband does not return.Just a lunch together or a day shopping make her smile.

My husband left me after 37 years of marriage, just as we were coming up to retirement and our sons were about to be married. There was restructuring at work and I was going to have to be reinterviewed for my job. I couldn't have got through it all without my friends who let me talk and talk trying to make sense of things. I feel they must have been weary sometimes at hearing the same things over and over. But they were always there for me. I cannot thank them enough.

Oh for heaven's sake gononsuch
1) are some women so desperate for a man?
2) what about friendship and a bit of compassion?
One of the worst things for a widow or divorcée is the "couples" mentality that means she is left on her own at home in case she is after somebody else's man!

You should think again.

Listening us the key. Make gentle suggestions on practical matters but don't expect her to listen or act on them. Your job is to just take it all on board. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing - being there is what counts.

Just be careful in case your friend makes a b-line for your husband, any port in a storm

My husband walked out on me after 40 years of marriage within two months he had moved in with someone else! He left me with a huge mortgage to pay off and my kids don't believe anything was going on before he left! I have relied heavily on my friends they have begun there for me and cannot believe what he has done. It is two years now and I am getting through it, I joined a Meetup group which has been excellent and helped me through

Just be normal, do the things that friends do - morning coffee; have lunch together; go to the cinema... Nothing has changed between you, so don't let it seem that it has. If she wants to talk, just listen.

I have a friend whose husband has left her after 30 years of marriage (for a man) and initially all I did was listen on the phone for ours making soothing noises and not criticising him - they still love these men so they don't take kindly to them being criticised even if they do it. It settled down after a while and she is finding a new life. Just listen to your friend she will really appreciate having someone to sound off to.

PS don't say it will all be alright and you will be ok because at the moment she cannot see that, it has to come with time.

You can only be there for her. She won't want to hear how badly he has behaved , after all he may come back then you will be the wrong one. Smile sympathetically and say " yes I know".
If she has been a big and loving part of her step family's lives I hope they will support her, but he is their father and they may feel awkward about his behaviour.