missing grandchildren

Thanks very much Radicalnan - those are very good ideas. We don`t get many photos but I do keep all of them in an album and hope that someday I will be able to show them that we were always interested in what they were getting up to

What about keeping a little diary for them not every day but a little journal of how you miss them and wish things were different.

They will find you later and you can share it then. Writing gets stuff out of your system too so good for therapy.

I would also have a small savings account for them, put a couple of quid in a pot every week,the money you would have spent on them if they were there, ice cream money, n one can stop you loving them, or getting them treats you carry on doing all that and they get the benefits later.

When they re older it will help them to understand a very difficult situation and how they were never out of your thoughts.

I do feel for you, but please know you are not alone in this situation, which I hope will help a little.
My younger son has made his life in Australia. His younger daughter just had her 4th birthday and I haven't held her since she was 15 months old. Their baby son is now 7 months old, and I wonder if I will ever get to cuddle him. But I do speak to them with "Facetime" quite often, and at least the children do know who I am, so I try to be grateful for that.

Thanks Rubylady for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately I can`t take on any voluntary work at the moment as my elderly father needs a lot of support. I am fortunate that I have very good and supportive friends and my daughter is getting married next year (to a lovely man!) so we do have things to look forward to. Most of the time I am alright but every now and again the sadness comes to the surface and then I feel that I can`t cope with anything. It does help to know that other people are in the same situation

I don't mean to sound at all flippant, because I am not being, and I haven't seen my GC for two years so I do know where you are coming from, but do you have any pets? Could you adopt a little dog maybe? Or maybe volunteer to go into a nursery or school to do some reading with the children? Are you involved in a church or similar, could you do anything with the children there? Is there a Rainbows or Brownies near you to maybe get involved in or Cubs or Scouts?

There are lots of children around who would benefit greatly from some love of an older generation. I used to go into school and do baking with the little ones when my ED started school. She went on to be a Brownie leader when she went to University so they do need people all the time.

It does sound like you can't change things with your own GC at the moment, it is what it is and so I do hope you can find some peace. Please don't make yourself ill over this or you will be in no fit state if they do want to see you when they get older. Look after yourselves, do things together and try to get pleasure elsewhere and see the GC when you can. Maybe if your DIL realises that you are not rising to her bait, she might relent a bit. One thing I do know and that is that it is not doing you any good worrying or getting upset about it. Your life is going before you, time is plodding on and you should be making the most of it. Come on, be positive, look into getting a pet to cherish, and enquire at some schools, churches or organisations to get out there and enjoy other children. They will love you for it. Proactive, not reactive. Good luck love. Xxx

Thanks for your thoughts. Sorry to sound negative but no, I don`t send gifts as I am pretty sure that things I have sent in the past have been destroyed. And she would not agree to us meeting up without her being there - and if we arranged to meet without her knowledge she would go through the roof after she found out and our son would suffer for it - and there would be no chance of it happening again. This might sound extreme but I do think that she is slightly unbalanced - on the rare occasions that we do meet she acts as if everything is fine - but then won`t agree to any further contact. I think we just have to try to accept that we will have no contact until the children are able to make up their own minds

Is it not possibl for you to meet up with them/be in the same vicinity when your son takes them out?
You need to take advice on this. . . .

Do you send little gifts to the dgc. Nothing expensive. Something like a book. Or a little outfit. Asda have lovely children's clothes. With a card. Just so the dgc know you think of them. It might make you feel better. So sorry it's like this.

I'm so sorry to read about your distressing situation and my heart goes out to you. I have no advice I'm afraid but hopefully some of the lovely ladies (and men) on gransnet will be able to offer useful advice. I hope things get better for you and your son.