Husband says "He's Had Enouh"

p.s. gettingonabit has a point......I've known of several cases where all the tosh spouted by the OH was really code for....I've got a bit on the side!

This must be a dreadful shock. Ask him to cancel the party and tell he needs to say why. Suggest that you both both go to something like Relate or private counselling if you can afford it or if it's available. To be honest you sound a fairly normal wife and if I dare say it traditional. There are lots like you.

Oh trueblue22 you poor thing....all this dumped in your lap, I suspect you are in shock and your head is spinning.
You need a chance to calm down and get into a frame of mind where you can sit down with your OH and really talk this through properly and perhaps that might eventually mean with a third party involved.

I suspect he has conflated his thoughts and that what he feels is the tip of an ice-berg and has probably taken a long time (and string of events) to develop.

I suspect my OH and I could have been in your position had we not had a bit of a 'do' and frightened ourselves with the alternative....separate lives. We now jog along pretty well, affectionately, friendly, respectfully, lovingly but without sex.
Your OH cannot have it wholly his way....if he wants to re-write the 'terms' of your marriage it has to be in such a way that you both can accept the arrangement. Basically he cannot have it both ways. Either he wants to stay together...and all that involves....or he wants to be apart. You have your wishes and you should be able to say what you want.
It might be that you will have to live apart/divorce but it has to be a joint decision, not one foisted upon you.
I'd be inclined to do what I did several years ago when I felt it was all too much....I cancelled immediate commitments....phoned a good friend and went and stayed for a few days where I could just talk if I wanted to or just walk and get my head around what I wanted to say.

I wish you all the best....but you really need to put yourself first, take a break and assemble your thoughts and wishes for your future.

PS He does not have the right to ask you to live a lie for family and friends - that is unreasonable.

He sounds a right charmer. So basically-he wants a glorified au-pair? But not a meaningful relationship?

I sympathise, being in a similar situation myself. It's not nice.

Have you looked at your finances? Is there a way you could umm..move on?

Just wondered (sorry to be a bit blunt btw) if there's another woman perhaps?

How sad for you - might you be able to list his shortcomings so he knows that the lack of satisfaction is not a one-way street?

We all have our shortcomings and hopefully over the years we learn to rub along together and to value new and different aspects of being together. We all change and we all have to adapt.

I am a bit puzzled as to what he is actually asking for here - he does not want to leave, nor for you to leave; he says you "can stay in your house" (how generous!) but live separate lives. If he is not affectionate in any way then it sounds as though that is the status quo. He's just had his grumble, and is trying to ensure that he still gets all the shopping and cooking done!

If he is not happy with how things are, then he should agree to marriage counselling so that both of you can have your say and look for a way forward. If he does not want to do that, then I guess he knows in his heat of hearts that he has his limitations as a husband and does not want to either face up to that or do anything about it.

I notice that you give no indication of whether you love him - that has to be a crucial factor.