Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

Wow Rhinestonewhat wonderful news. Everything crossed; legs, fingers and eyes that all goes well and he doesn't ask for money.

I'm so thrilled and excited for you, I don't know what to sayand I don't know why I'm crying.

LuckylegsI'm sending you healing wishes and some for the pain.

I GOT AN EMAIL FROM MY SON!!!
Hi all. Yesterday I woke up to find that my son emailed a letter to my mom and me.He started it off by day " My dear mother and grandmother." It was a very nice email saying it was just him trying to find himself and he wasn't mad at anything either one of us had done. He went on to say that he didn't like the culture and rules of our society and was trying to live a life that we were not accustomed to. He gave up weed and sold all his weed growing equipment. He loves us and wants to see us. He took all the blame for the estrangement and said he wanted to try and live on his own terms and knew we didn't approve. ( yes it's hard to watch your child become poor)
I'm going to see him on Tuesday. He lives an hour away but that's okay. I'm happy but nervous and cautious. I called him and he answered the phone, " Hello Mother."
We just chatted briefly about the weather and he asked how I was doing. In his email he made a comment about being glad that we were all still here.
I know he is being evicted from his place as he didn't have money to pay his rent. I hope he's not using me or going to ask for
money. He even said he not only gave up his family but he gave up some friends and he is sorry about it now. I have hope?

sorry to hear about your fall Luckylegs and I wish you a speedy recovery.

hope everyone is is doing ok .

Celebgran so nice to hear you are enjoying your Son's visit, enjoy the rest of the weekend with him.

Rhinestone so sorry your husband is feeling neglected by his D, at least he does see her, even though only a couple of hours, during her long holiday.

I'm keeping myself busy, lots of cover classes along with my own, feeling tired though. I'm off on another Yoga retreat soon, this time in Crete, right on the beach, so will be lovely. I'm also leading a Yoga retreat early next year in India, that's right on the beach too so things to look forward too.
Taking my neighbour out for late Sunday roast, after my two classes today, lovely restaurant overlooking the sea, they do a doggie menu , so Lilly, my little dog, will have sausage & scrambled egg, she had it last time and loved it

Glad your back on line Smileless hope it's going well for your move.

Almost 4yrs now, just can't believe it, no way of getting over it or getting it out of my head, think about it all the time. Something that should have been so wonderful, turned into a nightmare! Will this ever end [?] I just can't believe my estD is happy, and what she has taken away from her little girl, my precious GD is wicked! This coming Christmas will be the 5th without them!

Thankyou for you kind messages. I have a black eye and am bruised but so grateful nothing is broken.
I personally got rid of everything hurtful, of course you can draw on it at any time by thinking about it, if I go down that road I immediately change direction and throw myself into something else, what I find hard is that sense of sad loss because it was never even a thought this could happen, that is why we all try so hard to make sense of it and tolerate behaviour that is really totally unacceptable. How do they just bin you off?
Hope your mouth feels better, Celebregran, you have been so brave, think I would have had it out and regretted it later. Yogagirl, why don't you make it a mornings work to delete those 2000 e mails, they are just fermenting there. Your relationship before all this started is better remembered than all that. Not easy I know, but once you have done it and probably felt wretched for doing it, a weight will lift.
I saw people last night all with daughters that they speak to daily and that I know.
Rosy, the chocolate seems a lovely idea, I have been trying hard to lose weight, but I think my body craves it, I have heard that eventually it won't!

Luckylegs so very sorry to hear you had a fall and knocked yourself out! Must have been really traumatic for you and I can imagine how awful you would have felt, waking up alone, you should get a check up if you were knocked out. Hope you are feeling better today, have a nice Sunday

Luckylegs, much love to you. I know that feeling of loneliness so well when something bad happens, and then you start thinking of all the "what if's". Did you get yourself checked over? Rest up now.....and eat lots of chocolate!...Rosy.x.?

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, despite some awful weather.x.

Oh Luckylegs how awfulI hope you're OK; have you been checked by your GP? You have to be very careful if you've lost consciousness. hope you feel better soon.

Well done Rhinestone, it can't have been easy for you and I'm so pleased it went well but so sorry for your DH; 4 hours out of a 10 day visit. It's very hard for you to see him being treated so badly. I know that seeing Mr. S. upset, upsets me more than my own pain.

It sounds as if your counselling is having some positive results Celeb; I'm sooo pleased for you. She sounds very good, able to understand your loss and pain because she's a mother too even though she hasn't had to suffer the same horrible experience.
It's strange isn't it how some really can empathise while others assume that it must have been something we've said or done.

I've kept everything we've been sent by our ES Mumsy. I don't read any of it, reading it once was bad enough but I keep it in the same way I keep all of the photo's we have of him. Perhaps that does seem strange, but like the photo's that remind us of happier times the unpleasantness is a part of our story too.

I understand what you, Luckylegs and Yogagirl are saying (blind me Yogagirl more that 2000 emails) but it's never going to be possible to "ditch the bad stuff". We are all making a monumental effort to rise above it, to not allow it to destroy us and move on with our lives but we'll never forget it will we, just like we'll never forget how things used to be.

So that's why I've kept everything, for now anyway.

Bought a few nick nacks for our holiday home today and Mr. S. has just got in from work and noticed.

Hello everyone, haven't been on for few days I had a big fall and am battered and bruised, but it shook my confidence and I have been so weepy. I had been so busy and meeting myself coming back that I tripped and knocked myself out, I came round and the lonliness of it all hit me like a bullet. I find this place too much for sure

. I have read your posts and feel for your husband Rhinestone, I think he has other family and you to care for him which must be a tremendous comfort and it is awful how his own child sidelines him, I suppose he has tommakecdo with knowing she is well and puts in an appearance however brief. Please ditch the bad stuff, it just isn't worth angling on to, you have your great son and husband, they are the ones that care.
Love to all of you as soon as I felt a bit better I wanted to see how you all were. ??

Celebgran I'm so happy that you had a nice time with your son. Have a wonderful weekend with them?

Glad,you got through that OK rhinestone.

Seems like you poor husband has and rough deal thanks goodness you have each other.

Was great see my lovley son and partner and her youngest we had great meal together and they just left for hotel but good news will be with them all weekend.

Happy weekend all ???xx

Whew! I got through last night with stepdaughter and partner. They had just come off five days with ESS, his mom and other family at a cottage rented by the beach. We saw them for four hours and took them to dinner. They came back to our home and we talked. It was pleasant and they were nice and talkative. They left to go to her partners mother's second home on another lake for five more days. What's funny is that we just sold a home on a lake. So would we have seen them more if we had that home?
Then they go back home thousands of miles away.
I know my DH feels bad that he gets the crumbs and not the cake.We got four hours out of ten days. What we both thought was weird is that no one asked how my daughter and her children were especially knowing my DD is getting divorced. My DH did ask how the two little boys were and a few comments were made about what they like to do.
I feel badly for DH that he is treated as an after thought. When we married he always gave in to his X wife rather than put the children in the middle. I have been with him over thirty years and have watched his needs come second and there's nothing I can do.

Celebgran Just sent you a PM. You know *Mumsy is right, destroy that letter, tell your solicitor to do it, then you can never read it again and feel that pain

All the nasty 'letters' are emails and how I wish I could delete them all off my computer, I delete the spam, but the sent and inbox I never have, so there are more than 2,000! I did try to but it was taking so long, as it deletes in blocks of 20 or so, so it would take me forever

Mumsy withOut my lovely son I would be in very dark place?

Mumsy it has been such a long saga I guess you're right, but the letter I received to cut me out wasn't sent in anger it was thought out and calculated and the last time I ever heard from ed, my counsellor said yesterday it was full of abuse directed at me and I hadn't thought of it like that.

As ed tried to get us harassment warning we have to keep the letters from outer mp to chief constable as or roof we did nothing wrong I was anxious when had crb check but it was fine. It is very distressing to remember how ed reported us for sending birthday card and wedding anniversary card fortunately a chief inspector with common sense told her that was normal contact not harassment and she had to accept that,

I do now finally see it is pointless to contact her anymore.

It was such huge thing as counsellor said yesterday she only has one son and would devastated to receive that sort letter.

I guess that's why we keep it and the subsequent abuse via a solicitor in case we pursued court order to see the grandchildren, so solicitor could see what we up againstl

Sorry for ramble does that explain? We had put them in loft last couple years so not tempted to re read and only sorted them for counsellor they will go straight back counsellor has kept it all to look through as we only get half an hours ?

Celebgran, just curious as to why youve kept the letters? I destroyed all the ones I was sent by my daughters. By hanging on to them serves no purpose apart from you still hurting! these letters like mine were sent in anger to hurt and to upset you. I know it hurts but whats done is done and by holding on to those letters is just holding on to the pain.

Fairydoll, sadly our kids are so blinkered they cant see what problems they are causing to their own family. I am very lucky I have a wonderful relationship with my son and daughter in law. I just wish they didnt live so far away.

This jealousy thing (Mumsy mentioned it several posts ago).

Been thinking about it today. In fact the situation between my son's partner and me and DH has been playing on my mind a lot because last Tuesday was the first 'anniversary' of her cutting herself off from DH and me.

I was thinking - if only she was mature enough to realise that all we want for him is a happy family unit, we want someone to love and care for him as we did (and still do) and to see him happy and content. Why has she been so mean and nasty towards us. It's like she hates us. I feel so sorry for DS as it obviously eats into him. I feel guilty because, personally, it wouldn't bother me if I never saw her again.

Thanks for reading. Good to get it off my chest! I know others situations are far worse than mine. to all those missing their AC

Pollengra. I hope we all upbeat, at moment I had to find all a paperwork for my counsellor and re reading the letter sent me to cut me off has really upset me?

So much hatred, even worse the letter from her solicitor detailing my depression In. 2001 and using it as reason for not seeing my beloved Gra daughter had few years yesterday,

Today is new day and saw counsellor she read letter and commented so it was all your fault? somehow she said it seldom is one persons foul and after letter a using you your ed says she will always love you and signs off with a X she fond that strange

I prefer to put it all back in loft it is way too painful to revisit. She offered to hang onto it as we only have half hour tho she always gives me at least 40 mins and we not got that far yet! She on hol then me so will be a month til see her again.

On happy note seeing old friends tonight for drinks, and little Rosie went to groomer she looks a poppett??

Glad you got good service at opticians mumsy

Smilelss there was photo of chap from simply red in mail it was not flattering?Glad you enjoyed concert.
Also get together with old friend sounds good?

Well first appt at new dentist she seems ok but wish has warned me it would be so painful starred on way home and I was very in pain after eating tea, went to bed??
Same after breakfast rang dentist got try give it couple days, as had 2 injections one in roof mouth and nerve removed killed not sure which killed but got it covered as dentist has agreed to remove it for me next Friday if pain doesn't settle, wanted give it a go to save it, if does settle then root canal after hol goody?

Well time will fly Smilelss and you will be in new home before you can blink.

Our son comes Friday his eldest stepson prefer S stay with girlfriend and do understand that he is 17.

KEEP smiling all yogsgirl in your case keep stretching??

sorry I meant Yogagirl! see I needed to go to the opticians lol...

dont know about luck Celebgran ! I nearly booked a doctors appointment when I got the bill as I was having palpatations lol... £220!!!!

I did alright out of it though as the optician done me a good deal, I go to an independant opticians not one of the superstores as Its a better service and the frames arent mass produced.

Pollengran Thank you, you too xx

Mumsy good luck at the opticians

for all

and long may it continue!

bit cryptic I know but dont you just love KARMA!

off to the opticians this morning so that will be a hefty bill! 2 years ago I paid out £175! dread to think how much theyve gone up. Ive dug out an old frame that I really like so might use them depending on the cost of the lenses.

hope everyones doing ok.

Smiles any news on the house?

Is it my imagination, or is everyone feeling more upbeat recently? I know I am, and just popped in to update on the other thread, and then read this one.

It is so good to read about what is going on in your lives despite the pain of the past. As the title here says, you are moving on together and it looks like you are having fun.

Good luck all .