narcissistic ex-SIL

Shysal I'm in

I am another who can relate to your story. Definitely a control thing! The only way my SIL can exert that control is by non-payment of child maintenance and expecting the kids to drop everything and see him if he is 'just passing'. DD has been very firm in never allowing him into their house, with which I wholly agree. He would only use it to gather ammunition. He questions them about their meals and insists they eat their 'greens'. I'm sorry, but he forfeited the right to have any say over their day to day lives by leaving them homeless and penniless for a married friend of DD.
Let's have a joint funeral, it might be cheaper!

I relate only too well! In fact I can't even discuss my ex sil anymore because I can feel my blood pressure soaring!
I would gladly attend his funeral but my dd would still be paying then.

My ex SiL was in the forces too. I can relate to most of what you say. D and he are not divorced because he was convinced they "could be so good together' but have been separated for 3 yrs. He uses their two boys as pawns. She can't see the boys unless she pays CSA out of her minimum wage, despite the fact he's on £3000 a month. D is strong but he can still upset her because it's all about the boys.
Last weekend he texted her 40 times in one day. D had done the separate phone thing but circumstances changed. She is thinking of doing it again.
You are not alone

He must feel bad about himself as he has to put your DD down in order to feel better about himself. It may not seem like it, but this is typically what narcissistic people do. Plus they usually use people until their use is of no good to them anymore so he must still be getting something out of these texts and phone calls or else he would just stop and move on to someone else. Maybe your DD can get separate phones and just use one for him, turn it on to make arrangements and then turn it off when her son is with her? Just an idea. That's the trouble with mobiles, we can be got at any time of day.

Yes you're right Kittylester, its definitely all about control. I pray that one day DD will meet someone special, and then hopefully, he will stop playing his silly little games. It's good to know I'm not alone though.

I could say 'snap' to most of that. Its all about control isn't it? DD's ex is much better since she met her new partner. That doesn't help you much, I know, but at least you know you are not alone and i wish my ex sil would go up in a puff of smoke.