How do I make friends?

7 years to go till retirement. My work hours probably wouldn't allow for a pet -I'd feel bad it wouldn't get enough attention. Maybe when I'm retired though. Goodness, so many responses. I feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one, thank you for sharing. In retrospect I was perhaps too reliant on my husband before and should have made sure I had my own circle to rely on.

My sister has heaps of friends KatyK she has never married or had children, which means all her time is her own to do as she likes.

She has tried to drag me along to a couple of her "girls nights" on a couple of occasions. i have nothing at all in common with her friends and if I'm honest I just spend the time wishing I wasn't there, so I can't see the point.

How far off retirement are you. The only thing I can add cos everyone has given lots of advice what about getting a dog or two if you can, strange as it is dog walking is lovely for meeting people and talking it is easy to suggest that they come back for coffee or go on a different dog walk together or the cinema.

I'm sure the many suggestions above will help. Like gillybob I've never been one for friends. I have a few that I meet up with very occasionally, mostly ex colleagues. I'm a bit hopeless at keeping in touch with them. I've never felt the need for friends really. I realise I am fortunate that I have my DH and am very close to my two sisters. I do understand however that people feel alone and need other people. My DD is an only child and has heaps of friends. My DH hasn't got one friend (he can't be doing with them) but is close to my sisters' husbands.

I really feel for you Flowergran and can relate to what you are saying. All I would say is stick with it as nothing in life ever stays the same. When I first started my last job, I was slightly older than the rest and they really were a spiteful lot. You know the sort of thing, it all goes quiet when you walk in, looking you up and down and excluding you. I put my head down and got on with it, having had a few experiences temping I was quite used to being left out. Soon, one by one, they moved on and a whole new set of people came in and the whole atmosphere changed and I found myself fully accepted. Really hope it all works out for you soon.

Have you tried making friends outside the workplace by joining groups with similar interests to yours? Anything would do from a bookclub to a walking group or learning a new language - the sky's the limit - good luck.

hopefull you will find suggestions of classes, or societies etc. where you have a chance to make friends.

I have found that with age one's friends die and one has to work quite hard to find new friends.

I do make sure that in my handbag I keep an address book so that if I meet up with someone and we want to get together I have their name, address phone and email (if they have one). I also put date and place. I know that the modern thing is to use ones mobile to log numbers but then if that goes missing so does ones whole social net work unless it is backed up.

The address book I copy into an excel sheet on the computer and have it set up so it will print out labels for Christmas cards. (my handwriting is appalling as I am dyspraxic) I do however try to write two or three personal sentences.

The emails I put into the electronic address book with a year date against the name and if it was a holiday abroad the name of the country.

If I have met the person because I am on a committee with them I put the initials of the committee etc.

All this helps me to be able to be positive in making contact and arranging to go on things together.

Hope you soon find some very sociable people. Like others have said those at work are not likely to be friends in retirement.

Thanks to this thread i am now looking to see if there is a Red Hat Chapter meeting in my area!!

Good luck

Where are you in the US, which state? I agree with several posters that workplace colleagues are not always 'friends' material.

Is it a big firm/company you work for?

Until I know your state, it's hard to make a cultural comment (I'm from NH/Maine). But finding organisations outside of work is more likely to offer opportunities to meet like-minded people as suggested.

I was single until age 44 and lived in a New England seaside town about the size of Penzance. It was hard to meet other people once I left the university job and became self-employed. At uni job, my colleagues were my friends. So when I got home, I didn't feel a need to socialise and had quiet evenings in, happy with my own company.

Once my self-employment work started to get really busy, my customers became great social friends, but not ones I felt really close to for confidences, etc. It was also very difficult to meet eligible men as it was more of a family town for the locals. But lots of tourists in summer... more families!

Actually, I met my husband when travelling around the UK and popped into a pub. He just happened to be there and after talking for 3 hours, we knew we wanted to see more of each other. Within a year we were married and we first lived here in the UK, then he got early retirement and we moved back to the US for 8 years, then we left again and moved back here to the UK. Felt a bit like a yoyo LOL. But we have not been here 16 years and I think here in the UK there are more things for older single people to do. EG coach trips, Univ of 3rd Age, National Trust volunteering, and community volunteering. Or church, if you are spiritual.

Depends on your interests. And with the internet, it should be possible to find things in your area, or within driving distance. Give it a go... and if you are OK with it, let us know where you are located.

Take heart... am sure you will find your place.

(why is there a icon LOL!!!)

Lots of good ideas on here Flowergran. I was wondering if all your family is in the UK?

Dionysus43 welcome to GN, & good to read your first posting. Hope you now have many more friends than you did.

I think it is great if you can get out and enjoy all these things so do it while you are able.
If you are not physically able then it is certainly much more difficult. The computer and phone are a real bonus at counteracting loneliness but in reality there is nothing quite like a physical presence.
You could try sending notes round the neighbours to ask them round for a cup of tea or coffee.If you are a bit shy it can sometimes help to have a reason to ask like an activity evening in aid of your favourite charity. If you don't have any contacts then some charities have people who will come to you and speak. If not a charity then some kind of hobbyist might come and talk/demonstrate. Worth a shot anyway!

Hi I moved to Suffolk 9 years ago and joined The Red Hat Society. they are world wide. We have days out weekends/days away. last week 32 of us had a buffet lunch at the pub followed by fun and games. Tomorrow we are off-road segwaying in thetford forest. we do theatre, gardens, supper club, book group and so much more just google Red Hat Society.

Don't be more American FlowerGran ....be more British.

I've travelled extensively In the US and still do and found I've been made very welcome because I'm not American .

I totally agree you should take up something not to make friends but because you like it.

I have never really had friends.

I lost all my school friends when I got pregnant and had my son at just 18. I threw away any potential of a career and worked full time in a large office where the girls all met up for nights out. I had to run from work to pick my baby up from nursery and go home to my little rented flat alone. My parents NEVER offered to babysit for me. Later (after the death of husband number 2) I began work in engineering where I was the only woman. Now I help DH run our small engineering company (all men again). I looked after my grandma and mum until they died and still look after my 3 DGC. Hardly any time for socialising at all but don't really have any friends to socialise with anyway. I'm a miserable cow anyway.

Flowergran maybe you need to turn things on their head and ask - how can I help others?

As others have said organisations are always looking for help, animal shelters, homeless charities, mental health & learning disability communities. The list is endless. You will meet like like minded people and hopefully develop friendships.

If you are in the UK look at the 'growingolddisgracefully.org.uk' website to see if there is a group near you.
I'm in the Manchester Group and have made some wonderful friends.

This is not only to do with getting older my daughter could have written that original post she is a bit older than a lot she works with but they all seem to get their fun out of pubs and drinking and talking about others they don't invite her out either She is a fairly private person not one to join in all the work gossip and she's not a great drinker so they often talk about meet ups when she's s in earshot which makes her feel very unwanted she's a good person and often helps them in sticky situations but I guess not seen as fun because she doesn't get drunk or flash her knickers She can't change her job as there is no alternative in her profession and she is tied to a pension that she will really need as she gets older I really feel for her

One of the ideas was 'get a dog'. Probable that in the USA, as here in UK you would be welcomed as a temporary carer for an animal wanting to be re-homed. You'd be able to find out if a dog was a possibility without the committment? Several of my pensioner friends have had their lives extended by the need to exercise their animal every day and by the company not only of the dog but the people who are also walking their dog. Remember owning a dog is not the answer for everyone.

Me too I'm "foreign", even after 45 years in the UK. I find making friends hard, but have accepted that friends are hard to make. I have recently moved and tried joining all sorts of groups, letting the less interesting ones fizzle out, and keeping up with the friendlier ones.
But a lot of effort is required on one's part to get to know people. Sadly, unless one puts oneself out, no-one is going to even notice that one is alone or lonely.
Keep on trying - be more "American"!! [hugs]

Hi

Join Meetup it is a social network that was created from 9/11 people were searching for people and formed a group. You can select an area and join the group. I joined when I got divorced and it was the best thing I have done. I have many new friends have been on holidays and away weekends. Meetup join now ! X

Is there a Meetup near you?

I agree about difficulty making friends. I made 2 friends in 25 years of work.

Seriously, that work environment sounds grim.

I am widowed , live alone & naturally shy , but came to realise no one would come knocking on my door , I had to participate !!
I joined u 3rd age , tried calligraphy , loved it & rather good at it to my surprise .
Now joi n in park walks , volunteer work & have even joined a dating agency !!
( another story )
I really had to force b
Myself to join something , but well worth it .
This is my first posting !

Great ideas gransnetters! It takes a while to make friends. I joined a small yoga group when I retired and after a few sessions they invited me to go for lunch with them after the lesson. they are a wonderful support group and anything well almost anything is discussed. They are not 'bosom' friends as I find it hard to really 'let anyone in'. Good luck with the friend finding, take it gently as someone else said, and of course be a good listener.

Friends are harder to find when you are older and especially if you've moved around. I wouldn't try too hard with your work colleagues just be yourself and if friendships develop then OK.

But lots of good advice aleeady. Just one word of warning, don't just join something for the sake of finding friends. Join because it's something you really would like....if you find friends there then good, but don't make that the be all of joining or you'll come across as needy.

I moved over 9 years ago and had been thinking I'd made no new friends here until something my lovely next door neighbour said which made me realise we have developed a strong friendship over the years and been there for each other in some awful situations.

It's important not to give up if the first thing doesn't work out. I think perserverance is important.

edsnana I've had a look at Red Hatters and have sent them an email so I'll see what they have going locally. I love that poem. I tend to be a bit reclusive which I don't really mind but I know I should make a bit of effort occasionally.

Interesting. In previous jobs, I've always made good friends with my colleagues- but obviously this isn't working now. I don't think the church is a good fit for me but perhaps craft classes is something worth exploring. I've never really had the time (or inclination) but I must be more proactive. It's tricky to be more outgoing when I'm a typical Brit and Americans are very confident/strident in comparison. Will make it my challenge each week to put myself out there and see how I fare. will report back - your comments very welcome.

Good morning.
Welcome to Gransnet and your first post.
I know that feeling about being the odd one out @ being older. Just try your best. I use to wear my necklace with a St Christopher and Gardien angel on - I thought it would help. Stop me from getting the push (the manager was very good at showing staff the door). It was only a little job 10 hours.
Making friends is harder. If I was on my own. I would try joining a club. Crafty club, gardening or swimming.
We have a good neighbour who we talk to often as she is old and lives alone.
Get a dog. This morning I must have said morning greetings to about 10 people.
Sending Hugs