How do I make friends?

I appreciate how hard that must be. Would you be better looking for actual friends away from the workplace so that you have different company to look forward to outside of work? Now that I have retired I realise work colleagues were never real friends, and yes I was older than most of them too.
I am thinking perhaps a hobby, sport, church, volunteering in a hospital or hospice, a walking group, a book group or gardening club.
These may be wildly off the mark for you, but "friends" can turn up in the unlikeliest places - sometimes when you least expect to make them
Good luck

The place where you work sounds unpleasant. Is there any chance of working somewhere else?
That sort of atmosphere, day in day out would be wearing to anyone.

Where do you live? Why not join a Gransnet meet up if one happens near you ? They are great for making new friends.I have met at least five who I can call friends (I hope !)

That sounds like such hard work day in , day out . I agree with Daphne work friends are not real friends because often you find once you don't have work in common you have nothing in common.

I definitely think making friends outside work is the way to go. What do you like to do ? I know crafting is big in the US, so if you enjoy that sort of thing why not seek out a like minded group. There often older members there. Or take a class or two at Michaels or Hobby Lobby.

Church is often very social in the US . Maybe if you feel like joining some likeminded faith based groups or a local church?

If all else fails.... What about online groups......like us

I'd recommend learning Bridge. Give it a term or two of lessons.
It's a fascinating card game, challenging, two paiR's at a table. You'll meet lots around the hobby and it puts you in company and usually you find yourself getting along withe some who turn out to be friends. You can learn nd ply at lots of levels, pkay at a club or at home.

Sounds familiar Flowergran. Making friends in new places is So Hard. I'm frequently informed how busy people are - they have friends and family from years of living in the same place. Agree with other suggestions but don't expect much to happen fast. I belong to an excellent U3A reading group but have not exactly made friends with anyone there although all interesting people. Don't think others socialise outside the group either so not excluded - they're just Busy. Good luck - I'll think of you as I make another overture to someone!

Oh Flowergran I had the same treatment at my work. I'm not a good mixer but I do like to be nice to people. It got worse when a lady older than me retired and I was the next in line. I wasn't 'included' and I think it's a form of bullying but very hard to explain. How close are you to retiring? I was working past my retirement age and at the age of 67 realised I couldn't take it any more and retired. I have not regretted that decision for one second and I also realise they were never 'friends'.

Are you American by birth? I'm only asking because you say your family are all in the UK, which makes me wonder whether you were born in the UK, but settled in the US because you married an American. If that's the case, would you consider moving back to the UK? Or even if that's not the case, would relocating here be something you'd like or are able to do?

If the UK is your homeland you might feel more able to make friends here and at least you would have your family around for support and friendship.

Definitely try to make friends outside of work. Work colleagues are people you 're just with because you happen to work in the same place. Quite often you have nothing else in common with them.
Join a couple of classes or maybe sign up to do some voluntary work. Xxx

Exclusion is definitely a form of bullying. They aren't really worth trying to get to know better.
In the UK there is a register of associations that can give ideas of the sort of things people can join and local libraries have piles of information about voluntary groups and local clubs.
It can take a long time to make friends at these kinds of things so you need to find something that you are interested in for its own sake.
Are there any night classes or weekend classes that you could take?
If you can knit or crochet there are often groups that meet up. If you google 'knitting for charity US' you would probably find one.
I think people have to know more about your interests out of work to really discuss it fully.

I'd certainly recommend group learning one one setting or another, whether it be bridge, or a musical instrument, or a sport such as kayaking. It's a much better basis for making relationships than work, you get a good idea of how people function and whether you want them as friends, and you get something from it anyway in the course of learning. Don't forget you have to put yourself out to be a friend in the first place, it doesn't work just to wait for someone to befriend you. Keep it low-key, just asking someone to go for a coffee a few times is better than asking them home straight away, then you have some control if the friendship doesn't turn out as you hoped. Good luck!

How about joining the Red Hatters? Really good fun with lots of activities to join in. I've just joined a chapter here in UK, but I understand it is very popular in US

Do you enjoy walking? If so Ramblers or HF holidays are really good for people on their own. And evryone is generally very friendly. I know lots of people who have made friends through meeting them on walking holidays..

Why not join an organisation that raises funds for good causes? Rotary, Roundtable, Lions. All have female members. That way you could do something for others and make social friends. Have you thought about looking for other work - or speak to your line manager. As I think your work environment is having a detrimental impact on your wellbeing.

I worked in a similar environment and tended to be excluded. It wasn't too bad until my husband walked out on me and suddenly I was quite isolated. I don't know how I did it, possibly a Google search, I joined Meetup. I know it started up in the USA by single people. I joined it and then searched for local groups. It was a bit daunting when I went along but I found people to talk to me. I am a nervous person & it was difficult at first but I have found friends along the way. I hope you are able to find friends, and I fully understand how difficult it is xxx

Good morning.
Welcome to Gransnet and your first post.
I know that feeling about being the odd one out @ being older. Just try your best. I use to wear my necklace with a St Christopher and Gardien angel on - I thought it would help. Stop me from getting the push (the manager was very good at showing staff the door). It was only a little job 10 hours.
Making friends is harder. If I was on my own. I would try joining a club. Crafty club, gardening or swimming.
We have a good neighbour who we talk to often as she is old and lives alone.
Get a dog. This morning I must have said morning greetings to about 10 people.
Sending Hugs

Interesting. In previous jobs, I've always made good friends with my colleagues- but obviously this isn't working now. I don't think the church is a good fit for me but perhaps craft classes is something worth exploring. I've never really had the time (or inclination) but I must be more proactive. It's tricky to be more outgoing when I'm a typical Brit and Americans are very confident/strident in comparison. Will make it my challenge each week to put myself out there and see how I fare. will report back - your comments very welcome.

It's important not to give up if the first thing doesn't work out. I think perserverance is important.

edsnana I've had a look at Red Hatters and have sent them an email so I'll see what they have going locally. I love that poem. I tend to be a bit reclusive which I don't really mind but I know I should make a bit of effort occasionally.

Friends are harder to find when you are older and especially if you've moved around. I wouldn't try too hard with your work colleagues just be yourself and if friendships develop then OK.

But lots of good advice aleeady. Just one word of warning, don't just join something for the sake of finding friends. Join because it's something you really would like....if you find friends there then good, but don't make that the be all of joining or you'll come across as needy.

I moved over 9 years ago and had been thinking I'd made no new friends here until something my lovely next door neighbour said which made me realise we have developed a strong friendship over the years and been there for each other in some awful situations.

Great ideas gransnetters! It takes a while to make friends. I joined a small yoga group when I retired and after a few sessions they invited me to go for lunch with them after the lesson. they are a wonderful support group and anything well almost anything is discussed. They are not 'bosom' friends as I find it hard to really 'let anyone in'. Good luck with the friend finding, take it gently as someone else said, and of course be a good listener.

I am widowed , live alone & naturally shy , but came to realise no one would come knocking on my door , I had to participate !!
I joined u 3rd age , tried calligraphy , loved it & rather good at it to my surprise .
Now joi n in park walks , volunteer work & have even joined a dating agency !!
( another story )
I really had to force b
Myself to join something , but well worth it .
This is my first posting !

Is there a Meetup near you?

I agree about difficulty making friends. I made 2 friends in 25 years of work.

Seriously, that work environment sounds grim.

Hi

Join Meetup it is a social network that was created from 9/11 people were searching for people and formed a group. You can select an area and join the group. I joined when I got divorced and it was the best thing I have done. I have many new friends have been on holidays and away weekends. Meetup join now ! X

Me too I'm "foreign", even after 45 years in the UK. I find making friends hard, but have accepted that friends are hard to make. I have recently moved and tried joining all sorts of groups, letting the less interesting ones fizzle out, and keeping up with the friendlier ones.
But a lot of effort is required on one's part to get to know people. Sadly, unless one puts oneself out, no-one is going to even notice that one is alone or lonely.
Keep on trying - be more "American"!! [hugs]