Son's wedding coming up - I don't know if I can go.

You never know Emerald something good may come out of all this, when your Son & d.i.l look back on their day, they may realise what a hard time you had of it, how brave you were to attend, and may even have seen you cry when that thoughtless man didn't mention you as the groom's Mother, perhaps things will change, I hope so.

Hope you are feeling more upbeat today and glad that you went after all. God Bless

Just read your post on the morning of the wedding Emerald chocked me, you saying "12hrs and I'll be home" really feel for you }}}Hugs{{{

Couldn't resist! just read from my posts up, only this last page, but have to say; What lovely posts from you all, very kind and caring

Oh Emerald You went! [thanks BlueBelle] You are a very brave lady! How vey cruel of your Sons and the f.i.l, with you sitting right there! I think, as awful as it turned out, in a way, it's better that you went, as if you didn't, you would forever be saying 'If only I went, I should have gone, we may all have made-up' but this way you know, even though it must be so very, very painful for you. As you say concentrate on your daughters and husband that love you, some people are just plain cruel, to do such a thing to their Mother! God Bless you Emerald

Bye the way I am estranged from my once beloved daughter and grandchildren, also my Son that followed, 4yrs of grieving

Will come back and read some reply posts later...

How awful Emerald I can understand your fear, and I would feel the same, why don't you send your Son that's getting married this post, just as it is, asking for advice from other grans, he would then know how you feel and would no doubt show his intended, so she will understand you too, and it may bring you all closer. I wish you the best of luck in your decision. I think you should go and say 'hello' to your granddaughters, you never know, a reconciliation may occur

I've not read the replies, but will, when I've more time.

Yes, I found it, thank you. So pleased that the day went well and that you found the courage to turn up. At least it healed a few wounds and sorted out a few misconceptions. I take my hat off to you and I think you did the right thing going to the wedding. Maybe people will treat you differently now? Hope so because life is too short for family rifts.

08.49 I should have added a good way back as there were lots of answers on that day

September 18th tells you all about the wedding and how she managed

I was just going to write and say 'You must go etc etc' and then I read some more posts that said the wedding was over and you went. Where is the post that says that? Very confusing.

Actually I hope it all went well, better than you expected and that the family rift is now healed.

Do some research on taxic family members online. It will help you.

Well done Emerald; I wonder how many there truly appreciated the courage you had to attend. Please don't feel humiliated, if there was any intentional snubbing those responsible are the humiliated ones.

Do what ever you need too; cry, rant, scream and yell if it helps then when you've let it all go you'll be able to enjoy your new grand child, your loving husband and wonderful daughters. I wish there was a medal icon, because you certainly deserve one but I'll just have to sendinstead.

Well done emerald enjoy your your new grandchild ??

Well done Emerald, put it behind you, enjoy the people who love you and look forward to the excitement of your grandchild's arrival

You are all so lovely, I appreciate every post. So much support, great advice & understanding. I feel slightly less raw today & I know it will lessen with time. I've cried when I've needed to & hubby has been incredible. I used to bottle things up but they always find a way out in the end don't they? So now I let myself work through things in my mind, cry, rant, laugh & cry some more. Now this is behind me I can focus on the arrival of my grandchild & be with the people who love me. Thank you all again for giving me the strength to do this. I hope I can in turn offer support to others.

I can see that this is a dilemma I wonder if you go you might open the door to New relationships,for you all .I have felt left out of my family on many occasions,it's been hard .I am trying to build a,new one but with the safe guard for my self.Good luck with what ever you decide.

Good on you, Emerald! Good decision and remember that lots of the Gransnets are behind you cheering you on! Best wishes!

Aw Emerald I really feel for you. In the next few days cuddle up to your husband and let it just be the two of you, enjoying each others company. Have a good cry if you want to, let it out. It wasn't how it was supposed to be, was it? I know, I got uninvited to my ED's wedding last year, I never imagined that happening neither and it really upset me. You need to recover from this though because you were wound up about it for some time beforehand and it will have taken it out of you. Good food, some good films, good cuddles and sleep and you will feel better, hopefully, very soon.

You did go, no one can take that away from you or accuse you of not bothering. In time your son might realise that his mother will always be there for him but at the moment he is all loved up and he will probably not know if he has been coming or going. Plus, he probably didn't do the table plan. Give it a week or two, recover and then maybe drop them a line saying thank you for the invite and you hope that they had a lovely day. Then leave it and take it from there, see what happens. But if nothing does, move on, enjoy your new little grandchild and your daughters and your husband. And, if it were me, I would pity your mother, if she has to make such a show of herself. People should know that she is the children's great gran, she shouldn't have to shout it from the rooftops and make a spectacle. Kids grow, they will decide to come and see you if they want to when they are older. It'd be on their terms then, not their parents. You take care love, Xxx

Try not to be upset about what you consider to be a snub. Firstly, your son was not in control of his new FIL's speech and you are assuming it was meant to be a snub to you. As for the seating arrangements, your son may have thought you would be more comfortable sitting in with the other guests in view of the situation. He may have had little say in the arrangements with the top table as the MIL might have been pushy about there being a traditional top table. Don't assume as it was meant as a pointed snub because you really don't know for sure so if you take it as one, it will further divide you and your boy. You have shown yourself to be very courageous in going and the best way of making you seem more reasonable to your son is just to be expansive about what a lovely wedding it was and how much you enjoyed yourself.
My nephew recently got married and I have fallen out big time with my sister because she did something so awful, I hate being in the same room as her. I have been quite honest with her that the trust is gone, I have no desire to have anything to do with her but when needs must, I will not let the rest of the family feel uncomfortable by being impolite so I will do all the small talk. I did that at my nephews wedding and they were so pleased we came. You'll get the credit for being there and one day, you never know, things may just change for you.

Sorry, just realised the wedding's been and gone. You were very brave Emerald64, you have the comfort of knowing you did the right thing.

Good luck Emerald64, I too agree it's the right decision, and they obviously want you there. Imagine how you'd feel just staying at home on the day itself, I think that would be worse!

Well done,you went even though you were dreading it,upshot is,it could have been better but although it may not feel like it at the moment,it also could have been worse,weddings have been known to bring out the worst in people and end in fights,fallouts etc .You were right when you said last week"this time next week it'll be over". It is now,try not to dwell on the negatives and move on with your future with the family who do love you?? Onwards and upwards xx

Good for you Emerald. The wondering and the 'what ifs' would probably have plagued you if you hadn't taken your courage in both hands and faced up to a difficult situation.

That's great Emerald, go and be proud and enjoy the day!

Well done on going Emerald.It sounds as if it was hard but you did it!

It's a happy occasion and your son wants you to share it with him.Take lots of pictures wear a smile and if you start to feel uncomfortable in anyway make your excuses and leave. You never know this could be the start of the family healing there differences. Go enjoy and please let us all know how it went