Son's wedding coming up - I don't know if I can go.

What a sad story, I think that in your position I would go to the wedding and paste a smile on but keep a low profile once there. Stay away from your hostile Mother as well.However, why not talk to your son about it beforehand, is there a good reason not to?Tell him that you want to be there,but don't want to be the source of any bad feeling with other guests that may spoil his big day.??

I agree with rosesarered,I was in a very similar situation except that I did not remarry and had to go it alone.I agonised for months before my youngest daughters wedding as to whether I would go or not.Even the week before I was in turmoil,then I woke up one morning,had a word with myself,and decided that after everything I had been through this was just one more hurdle I could jump.I went,held my head up high,kept a low profile when necessary ,faced the ex husband,his new wife,my estranged eldest daughter and others who knew the situation.The wedding went fine and I was so,so pleased that I made the decision that I did.

Thank you rosesarered & Scooter58, I appreciate your thoughts. I'm a fighter in most things, this I'm floundering with. I hope I can find the strength to have a word with myself

Definitely go. The day will be over before you know it. You have your DH for company so just smile at everyone, enjoy the food and drink and collapse on your sofa with a huge sigh of relief when you get home!

If you don't go, you may well regret it. You've been invited, dust off your wedding hat and turn up.

What a sorry situation and a difficult decision. Clearly the best thing would be to go to the wedding, but only you can decide whether you can hold it together or whether there are individuals who might disrupt the event.

I am so sorry that you are having to face such a difficult decision over what should be a happy event. I send you every good wish and hope that this can be resolved in some way.

I agree, I also think that you may regret it later if for any reason you do not turn up. You have the support of your DH and daughter and you do not have to stay until the very end. I would also have a smile fixed on my face and be gracious to everybody but keep clear of your mother if possible. Enjoy.

I agree you should go but, as others have suggested, be open with family u do see that u do not want there to be any stresses on the day which belongs to yr son and his fiancee &must not be spoiled by family tensions.

What a difficult situation I do feel for you but like the others I think you should muster up every bit of courage and with your husband and daughter s support get through it with a smile on your face it would be so much worse if you were doing it alone
Good luck and let us know how it goes

It's a horrible situation Emerald, I can understand your worries. A couple of things occur. Is it a formal wedding? If so will there be a seating plan and an expectation that you sit in a specific place,whether at the ceremony or at a later meal. I ask in case you have been put with your mother. I would hope your son would understand there is tension between you and seating would have been arranged sensitively. I also wonder if this is one of your worries. I agree with others, go if you can manage it, you have support and people there who aren't hostile. However, a brief conversation with your son along the lines suggested is a really good idea. You don't have to make a big issue of it, just a chat to better understand their thinking and to avoid any upsets. Once that is done you can worry a little less and be brave and go, suspect you will regret it if you dont. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Emerald I do sympathise, but if the wedding is next weekend surely you need to make up your mind and let your DS and his fiancée know whether you're going or not??
If you cancel at the last minute you risk upsetting them, and becoming estranged from them too.

I agree - go with the support of your OH and DD - once the formalities and maybe food and speeches are over you can always slip away. It sounds as if you have great support with your OH and DD so they will be happy to take the lead from you whether to leave or stay. You never know you could have a really lovely time and end up dancing till dawn! You have nothing to lose by going but nothing to gain by staying away. I think you will always regret it if you don't go and the 'What if?' question will remain unanswered.
Good luck whatever you decide.

Thank you all, I do worry that if I don't go I'll regret it & of course there will be nothing I can do about it then.

cornergran it is a formal do with a seating plan. It's in a country house hotel so the ceremony, meal & evening do are all in the same place. They do know that there's tension between my mother & I so hopefully will have considered that. Though having helped my daughter with hers last year I know how complicated it can be trying to keep everyone happy.

Reading all your posts has confirmed that I really do need to go if I possibly can, so thank you. Even if I only manage the ceremony & the meal. It's the thought of falling apart when I see my granddaughters that's haunting me the most. My estranged son also doesn't speak to my pregnant daughter, his sister. She's not allowed to see her nieces. At a family wedding on their fathers side the year before last he actually ignored her & steered the children away from her. This is on the basis that she & I are so close, my mother treats her in the same way for the same reason This I think will happen next weekend, he will ignore me & take the children as far away as he can. My husband will find this hard to ignore, he feels very protective if he sees me being treated badly.

At the moment I'm focusing on the 'this time next week it will all be over' thing!

Good luck Emerald. Ask your DH to stick like glue to your side and not react to any slight. Smile and hope for the best. I hope you get to see you GC. Please let us know how you get on.

emerald64,I use the "this time next week" mantra all the time,and lo and behold it works?,you go and hold your head up high,and enjoy what you can of the day x

It sounds as if you have made up your mind to go. Good for you. If you can stay dignified and no matter how they feel your husband and daughters can do the same no one can criticise you. Your son can't have a problem with you being there or he wouldn't have invited you. Indeed he has invited everyone so he may seem distant but he doesn't want to cut off. That's all positive. Your ES will behave as he chooses to. It's his choice and you aren't responsible for his actions on the day. I can totally understand your fears about seeing your granddaughters, perhaps try to keep the deeper emotions at bay and just feel pride that they are beautiful young people. I know it's hard but you will have so many people there who are close to you and love you. People you do see and soon a new baby. Just be there as much as you can and don't give yourself a hard time if you need to leave. Your son and new daughter in law will know you were there for them, you will have been part of their wedding celebrations and supported your daughter. Huge things. So be proud of yourself and I hope be able to enjoy at least some. We'll be thinking of you.

Emerald64, try not to focus on the possibility of falling apart and think instead of staying strong among those who love you.
And explain to your DH that you need him not to react to any slights as that will help you to stay strong.

Hoping it all goes well for you.

Be the better person and hold your head up knowing you are.

And always remember the loo if you feel very emotional go and get your breathe back bit more lippy on and head held high when you come out GOOD LUCK

Go

Yes, I agree with the others. You should go for your own sake and peace of mind as well as those of your family who you care for. This time next week is a good motto to live by, but I also tell myself that in 100 years it won't matter a jot when I am faced with something I would rather not do, or am worried about. Take a deep breath and think happy thoughts. Good luck from me too.

Oh Emerald, how I can relate to you, amazing. You are certainly not alone, my Daughter and eldest Son are 2 of the nastiest people you could ever meet, they lie, take and never give but to "so called friends" who eventually stop seeing them, and they came to my house regular, ate the food I cooked , always took stuff but never invite me to their homes, they have lied about me so much that I recently told them to keep away and I will not entertain them anymore, I have another son who phones me every day, he also has me stay at his for weeks at a time and there I see 2 of my Grandchildren, FOR YOU...if you feel in your heart you want to go to this wedding GO, if you feel YOU don't want to be there DON'T GO, those who love you never leave you, you do whatever you FEEL you really want to do and God Bless xx

Ladies, you are all amazing. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to post a reply. I am going to put on my big girls pants and go to the wedding. He is my son, he wants me there, I will go & hold my head up high. You've all helped me to see that I CAN do this. I'll report back when I've been

Good decision Emerald, and you will be fine

Good for you Emerald. You hold your head up high as every proud mother does on her son's wedding day and have fun.