How would you feel?

If you still love your OH, then in the circumstances you describe I think that you are risking an awful lot by letting him go alone. Not all woman respect the wedding ring!

I find it difficult to understand why if you are married you have to save out of "your" money while he can afford two trips to Canada and still hasn't contributed to your trip to Australia.
In marriage the savings are communal so it is time you received your share. I know this misses the point of the thread so for what it is worth my opinion is your suspicions are well founded. Men generally have their brains below the waist, older ones are no different. On mumsnet they refer to the "pick me dance" to refer to the way some women will fight to retain someone who is attracted elsewhere. I would give an ultimatum. He should break off the online relationship and invite his brother to come here to visit instead of going there. You need to get your finances sorted and visit your son ASAP. You deserve it.

Sorry 'financing them'

I always find it odd when one half a couple can't afford to do something and the other is spending money.
I n this household the pros and cone of both trips and to ending tbemwoukd have been discussed
If he's that easily diverted from his marriage then is it worth preserving anyway?

Your intuition is your best friend right now. If you think this woman is a threat to your marriage, she probably is. You wouldn't even be writing about it on this forum if that wasn't the case. In any social setting, the men who appear to be 'unattached' will usually be targeted by 'unattached' females. Time to let his family and friends in Canada know you are a couple. So the answer should be obvious ....By all means accompany him to Canada and be sure to buy yourself a 'knockout' dress to go with his new suit!

Good ideas starbird!

Are you on facebook too? You could post a picture of you and your husband looking cosy together, and send it to his facebook page where she will see it. You could also send her a friend request! and get on that plane!

I wouldn't think twice, I'd be on the plane, especially if he is paying. From a purely cynical viewpoint, you stand to lose a lot more than the cost of the air fare

Is your son your husbands son? Why doesn't he want to visit his son.

Sounds as if he had a good time with his brother and wants to go back again and enjoy his company. He is most likely flattered by the attention his brother paid him and being invited to the birthday. Maybe there won't be so much attention this time.

He only met this woman once, maybe she is in for a shock when she spends more time with him. Also if she is paying him all thus attention after one meeting maybe she has a wide range of Facebook "boyfriends". Some people do.

You must decide what to do with your travel money. I think you will be very disappointed if you can't afford to visit your son next year and that won't help your relationship.

There seems to be confusion, did your husband offer to help with the Canada trip or Australia trip? Last question, does your husband work? I am wondering why he has more money than you.

I think you should go and enjoy the experience

There's a danger of this relationship developing and at the very least increasing emotional detachment which is hard to bear when you're living with someone. Looking at it from another dimension. When we are in love what we do and where we go matters less than being together and enjoying life together. It is very affirming when ones other half makes times to engage in an interest or activity that is yours rather than theirs. It may be worth considering whether you'd like to improve how you and your OH might enjoy doing things together like this trip and maybe falling in love all over again.

Go! If you don't you will be forever wondering what happened & it may sour your relationship. Flights are so much more comfortable these days & you will most likely have a wonderful time when you get there.
Look at it as a try out for the much longer flight to Oz.
I did not go to Canada with my husband when he visited his sister as we could just not afford it at the time & we had 2 teenage boys at home but I regret it - I wish I had gone. She has died now so no chance to go now we could afford it.
Go & have fun.

I think this is one of those times when even if you dont really want to go you should. If nothing else it will be a shared experience and you will be taking an interest in something your husband values, which is good for any relationship if you want it to continue, never mind the issues of the other woman.

I would tell him that I trust him completely, to have a wonderful time with his brother and I wouldn't worry about 'what might happen'. You are not his minder, caretaker or prison warden are you?

Why aren't you interested in going? Particularly if you've never been and there's the added danger of this woman lurking! I agree with others who've said he seems to hope you will go as he's offered to help with the fare. My husband does a lot with various choirs and I often accompany him, he spends much of the day singing and I enjoy wherever we are and the luxury of time to myself! Surely he'd want to help/pay your fare and want you to be with him whatever the status of your relationship

Should have added or giving a speech! DS had to buy one when he was addressing a meeting in Washington and had a terrible job finding a tie!

If Canada is similar to USA suits are rarely worn unless to a very formal gathering.

Yes. I agree. You should go and I bet you'll be glad you did. Re ADHD its not the same as ASD. One key aspect is impulsivity. Maybe you need to be there to prevent him just doing something that he most likely may regret?

You're very slowly saving for your trip to Australia, presumably money is a bit tight, but he's off on a second trip to Canada within two years.

It's quite obvious why he's going - call his bluff and go with him.

There's no fool like an old fool. But if you want to hang onto your old fool then you'd better bestir yourself and accompany him or risk the consequences.

I think you need to look a bit deeper at where your relationship is now, your husband probably felt surprised and hurt by the fact that you didn't want to go with him to Canada the last time to share what must have been a very big thing for him after 25 years. Lets be honest the saving up thing is an excuse because he has already offered to help you to go to Australia which you sound as if you are looking to do alone there is no mention of him going with you. Now he has a second opportunity to go to Canada and again you say ' I ve no intention of going' Can you really be surprised that he would fall for anyone showing interest in him Take the ADHD out of the equation and anyone would be susceptible in this same situation
Do you do anything together? these are three very big occasions that you WANT to be separate from him ... Not him from you as he's asked you to go
Has life been difficult together and you just prefer being alone now at this stage in your life or have you fallen out of love but don't like the thought of him with anyone else
Harsh questions but your reluctance to do things together need questioning by yourself

If he wants you to go, then it might, in the circumstances, be a good idea to go. Apart from anything else, if he has offered to pay for you and you have refused he might feel quite hurt and possibly more susceptible to this woman's flattery.

oldgoose I could have written this post.

Do your own thing while you can. The lack of empathy that can come with Aspergers and the often poor social skills is incredibly wearing to a partner.
Add to that someone who talks nonstop and in too much detail about their own interests makes normal socialising very difficult.
I tend to go and do special interest holidays with a group and leave my OH to do what he wants. Usually his musical things. This is how I survive the relationship.

You go and do what you really want to do. It is no fun pushing yourself into some activity to please someone who is so tied up with his own interests that your own are virtually ignored. Go and see your son.

If your OH offered to help with your fare to Canada, he surely hoped you would go with him and didn't intend for anything to happen with the other woman.
He probably still intends that nothing will happen but the woman might have other ideas.
Clearly you will worry and may not believe him afterwards if he tells you that nothing happened. So you need to go along too, if for no reason other than your own peace of mind.

ADHD is completely different from ASD not the same at all though it is possible to have both. ADHD is attention deficit hyperactive disorder and ASD is autistic spectrum disorder.