How would you feel?

Ask if instead of helping you with the OZ trip would he pay for you to go to Canada instead if you very concerned.

Meant to add it wouldn't bother me as OH and do go away separately occasionally, him to bowls weekends where there are no end of lively widows but I trust him totally I know he is faithful as I am to him some of the ladies tell me what a lovely fellow he is which is nice to hear.

If you really can't go then you need to say how you feel and then just put your trust in him. I think if you go on about it then you are putting ideas in his head, tell him you trust him and leave it at that.
Are you close enough to his brother to mention your concerns ?

I think if you are that worried you should go with him and let him pay a bit extra towards your Australia trip I think you will worry and fester while he's away and perhaps imagine stuff that isn't happening or maybe is happening but you ll only know that if you are with him He sounds as if he wanted you to go
I always remember my Nan and grandad, my grandad had the opportunity to go to Germany for a holiday and Nan was being incredible stubborn saying she didn't want to go anyway in the end he said ok well I ll take my secretary Nan got her passport sorted out pretty quickly and they apparently had a fantastic time and both wanted to go again

Can't you approach the woman and say hands off he's taken. On line I mean.

Tell him he can't go to Canada unless he forks out for you to go as well. Tell him that if he does he needn't you expect you to be there when he gets back.

Why pussyfoot?

If he didn't see his brother for twentfive years previous to the last trip, why does he need to go again so soon? Suggest inviting the brother to yours.

My honest opinion is that if he goes unaccompanied this woman will make a play for him. If he is susceptible to flattery then something will happen between them. Seriously. I know you want to see your son but you have to somehow manage to do both. He bought a suit, something he's rarely done before - that's a big red flag to me.

If you don't care if he gets it on with this woman then you have no need to go but if you do care you should go with him.

I spent two months in Ontario this summer.
It is unbelievably beautiful.
You should go!

ADHD is completely different from ASD not the same at all though it is possible to have both. ADHD is attention deficit hyperactive disorder and ASD is autistic spectrum disorder.

If your OH offered to help with your fare to Canada, he surely hoped you would go with him and didn't intend for anything to happen with the other woman.
He probably still intends that nothing will happen but the woman might have other ideas.
Clearly you will worry and may not believe him afterwards if he tells you that nothing happened. So you need to go along too, if for no reason other than your own peace of mind.

oldgoose I could have written this post.

Do your own thing while you can. The lack of empathy that can come with Aspergers and the often poor social skills is incredibly wearing to a partner.
Add to that someone who talks nonstop and in too much detail about their own interests makes normal socialising very difficult.
I tend to go and do special interest holidays with a group and leave my OH to do what he wants. Usually his musical things. This is how I survive the relationship.

You go and do what you really want to do. It is no fun pushing yourself into some activity to please someone who is so tied up with his own interests that your own are virtually ignored. Go and see your son.

If he wants you to go, then it might, in the circumstances, be a good idea to go. Apart from anything else, if he has offered to pay for you and you have refused he might feel quite hurt and possibly more susceptible to this woman's flattery.

I think you need to look a bit deeper at where your relationship is now, your husband probably felt surprised and hurt by the fact that you didn't want to go with him to Canada the last time to share what must have been a very big thing for him after 25 years. Lets be honest the saving up thing is an excuse because he has already offered to help you to go to Australia which you sound as if you are looking to do alone there is no mention of him going with you. Now he has a second opportunity to go to Canada and again you say ' I ve no intention of going' Can you really be surprised that he would fall for anyone showing interest in him Take the ADHD out of the equation and anyone would be susceptible in this same situation
Do you do anything together? these are three very big occasions that you WANT to be separate from him ... Not him from you as he's asked you to go
Has life been difficult together and you just prefer being alone now at this stage in your life or have you fallen out of love but don't like the thought of him with anyone else
Harsh questions but your reluctance to do things together need questioning by yourself

There's no fool like an old fool. But if you want to hang onto your old fool then you'd better bestir yourself and accompany him or risk the consequences.

You're very slowly saving for your trip to Australia, presumably money is a bit tight, but he's off on a second trip to Canada within two years.

It's quite obvious why he's going - call his bluff and go with him.

Yes. I agree. You should go and I bet you'll be glad you did. Re ADHD its not the same as ASD. One key aspect is impulsivity. Maybe you need to be there to prevent him just doing something that he most likely may regret?

If Canada is similar to USA suits are rarely worn unless to a very formal gathering.

Should have added or giving a speech! DS had to buy one when he was addressing a meeting in Washington and had a terrible job finding a tie!

Why aren't you interested in going? Particularly if you've never been and there's the added danger of this woman lurking! I agree with others who've said he seems to hope you will go as he's offered to help with the fare. My husband does a lot with various choirs and I often accompany him, he spends much of the day singing and I enjoy wherever we are and the luxury of time to myself! Surely he'd want to help/pay your fare and want you to be with him whatever the status of your relationship

I would tell him that I trust him completely, to have a wonderful time with his brother and I wouldn't worry about 'what might happen'. You are not his minder, caretaker or prison warden are you?

I think this is one of those times when even if you dont really want to go you should. If nothing else it will be a shared experience and you will be taking an interest in something your husband values, which is good for any relationship if you want it to continue, never mind the issues of the other woman.

Go! If you don't you will be forever wondering what happened & it may sour your relationship. Flights are so much more comfortable these days & you will most likely have a wonderful time when you get there.
Look at it as a try out for the much longer flight to Oz.
I did not go to Canada with my husband when he visited his sister as we could just not afford it at the time & we had 2 teenage boys at home but I regret it - I wish I had gone. She has died now so no chance to go now we could afford it.
Go & have fun.