I must toughen up!

You shouldn't feel bad at all. It amazes me that anyone's young, able-bodied and presumably financially independent offspring should expect this kind of help as a right from their older parents. It beggars belief. Spoilt or what?

Like many others,we had to go where the work was when we were young; lived hundreds of miles from one set of parents and the other side of the world from the other.We never had any sort of domestic help or childcare we didn't pay for. These circumstances decreed that when we visited family or they visited us we made the most of our time together.

Your son should also be aware that he is lucky that he and your DIL are not already having to house and care for elderly and infirm parents as well as their own children; as was commonplace prior to the NHS and the provision of any sort of social housing or care. Doing some recent research on Ancestry I have discovered that one of my predecessors was passed around the homes of several grandsons after her own children had died (she herself, unusually, lived to 94 and died in one of their homes).

Your son wouldn't have been considered pioneer material, would he?! Tell him to get a grip! (or, at least, feel free to think that he should).
You are obviously a thoughtful and caring person who does whatever she can for people she loves. DON'T feel guilty.

I am intensely relieved that none of my four children have a Facebook account, where did I go wrong bringing them up?

I used to be on Facebook but deleted my account as I was constantly feeling upset and left out. I can see that it's great for some people to keep in touch but it can also have a very negative effect too.

The children came first when they were little, now you should put yourself first. You did your bit looking after your grandchild - what more could you have done? Your prior arrangements are more important - stick to your guns and don't be too available or you will be making a rod for your own back!

As OP said - why is it that we still worry about what our adult children think of us and they still have the ability to push our negative thought buttons...?

You did your bit keeping the GC occupied at your home you can't be in two places at once!

How pathetic you son sounds OP. It's about time he grew up. We certainly do live in an age of some 'children' expecting their bottoms to be wiped even when they are grown. My son had a hissy fit when I couldn't attend his wedding due to my being at my critically ill DH bedside. Life and death situation. It took him a few weeks to come round. You should not feel bad at all.

lizzy; mine isn't even speaking to me at the moment. I don't really know what I've done wrong this time .

It's very reassuring and comforting to know that others' experiences with their grown up children are similar to mine. I don't think my daughter has an exaggerated sense of entitlement but I do feel I'm treading on eggshells at the moment after a bit of a falling out. It's quite unsettling. ?

What a selfish lad! I'm afraid I would be inclined to tell him that I was waiting for an apology - but we mothers just don't do that, do we?
As for F***book, just don't go there - it causes so much trouble and ill feeling!
Hope things soon settle and that you feel better - not your fault in any way.

Openlessgran, You really must'nt let it worry you too much. I have come to realise that I'm the one who has the sleepless nights when there's been a misunderstanding or whatever. I bet my DS's and DDiL's don't lie awake or dwell on things in the same way I do!.
Is it possible that the IL's might have said something that might have embarrassed him a bit and he's taking it out on you. You did your bit on the day so just let them get on with it.
If the IL's have nothing better to do then that's their problem. I wonder how your son feels about them being around 99% of the time, maybe that's the problem and he's finding it very stressful.

It's called emotional blackmail and you shouldn't let it bother you. Some family members think they have a God given right to the time and support of the older generation. Yes that's what you should do, ignore it and toughen up!!

He's lucky to have a lively minded mother who will have a go at something new. Moving is stressful (have done it too often) so give him a bit of slack. Playing off grandparents and in laws against one another seems to be a bit of a theme - easier said than done to "not play that game"
Good luck with the course - and your health

I would be asking why a big strong lad with a healthy wife and busybodying in laws and childminding from his mum needs any more help than that. I'd be saying aw diddums den. And say Pickfords was a good firm in my day.
I only use Facebook to stalk the nephews and nieces to make sure they are alive and well in the assumption that death or disaster will be on Facebook before anyone gets to ring up.

It sounds like you did your bit.

I have never asked my mum to help me move, and I've moved many times. It wouldn't even occur to me to expect help from family or anyone, really.

Well you did help you had your gd. Son should realise you are unwell and have a life of your own. Sound very ungrateful to me

I always bend over backwards (not literally!), change arrangement etc to help when I can. As the only grandparent, I feel under a bit pressure although I'm not in the best of health. However when I really can't help, maybe due to appointment or whatever, why do I always feel guilty? Maybe it's a built in grandparent trait.

Sounds like you balanced it all quite well. I understand about the course. My DD is bringing the new grandson up on the evening of the second week of mine, and will have to let herself in. I hope she won't mind, but am already on holiday for weeks 3 and 4, and feeling behind before I start.

There's a strong sense of entitlement in the current generation of young parents and added to that, really judgemental, 'know it all', attitudes from some of the offspring.
I've experienced it with mine and like everyone else, I try not to get too annoyed, but I sometimes think of having an almighty row just to find out if I'd be better thought of for standing up for myself.

You did your bit and sounds like they're just going through the "god, moving is hell - we can't cope!" feeling. Point out that your health would have prevented you doing heavy lifting, and that you felt offering to look after DGC was more useful. You'd only have felt in the way, and you had a prior commitment. No blame to you. Hope you enjoy your course.

opelessgran I think you do need to address this with your son because otherwise such "events" will keep happening over the years. I would say to him that you would appreciate a chat and arrange a time for a coffee or whatever. Maybe start the conversation with something along the lines of "I understand that you felt angry with me when you moved. I'd like to fully understand why you were so angry." Then listen a lot but have in mind some key questions or comments you want to make, as appropriate....some suggestions:
*You asked me to babysit so I assumed that's what you wanted me to do and was the most helpful contribution to me to make
* Did you think I should be doing something else whilst I babysat?
* Do you think I should be doing the same amount as your parents in law? ( I do wonder if there is a hidden agenda here with DIL/PIL making negative remarks about your "lack of contribution" which I making him feel embarrassed /ashamed/loved less???)
* My illness makes me tired etc which limits what I can do but I love to do what I can
* I do have other commitments as you know but I love to babysit when I can ....short notice does mean I cant always be available. I am not arranging things so I cant babysit, do you think I am? ...Why?
* Did you think I deliberately made other arrangements when you moved? Why? That was booked in ..., tour move was arranged in ...? Why would you think I am avoiding helping? I will never avoid helping when I can, when I am free...

I am sure there are others you will want to keep in mind.The point is this is not just about this incident but about potentially much deeper issues related to the view he has of you showing that you care, comparisons with others showing they care, understanding of your circumstances etc etc. Good luck.
*

Kids who would have them.I wonder if DIL might have rubbed it in that her parents do more than yours.You should not or do not have to justify to anyone or ask permission what you do in your life.My MIl adored her grandchildren and was always ready to lend a hand no strings attached My own mother was a made your bed lie on it type .
If your son is behaving like a spoilt child there is nothing you can do.Let him get on with it he knows you had made other plans so you must stick to them.Please don't feel guilty.They are not your keepers and I am sure you have done more than enough in the past so are entitled to me time and if it coincides with their plans then tough.

I've been thinking about this. Firstly, opelessgran, the do I/don't I of helping adult children is a tightrope. You seem to have walked yours very appropriately within your physical limitations which you will surely be wishing weren't there. We do help our adult children, partly because we want to, also because we have. the time now which has enabled us to spend far more time with the most recent arrival,than we ever could with the older two. One young family did move last year, yes, we helped but within very clear boundaries triggering no complaints, or none that we heard! The other family had received similar help pre children. We moved three years ago, we received very limited help from family, everyone clear about the limitations on their time. I don't think anyone felt uncomfortable because they helped in a limited (sometimes very limited) way. There's a lesson there. It's ok to have helped within your own limitations. Yours sound to be physical, our families was time. Our help to them has been limited by physical issues and remains so when childminding is requested. We do say 'no', did yesterday, we don't have a Fussbook account so have no idea what they say about us and plan to keep it that way. One final thought, adult children often don't think about our health issues, too difficult form them to face, far eSier to think about and therefore expect us to What we did in our earlier lives . Could that have been a factor? Yes, moving is stressful and tiring and sometimes reactions are not carefully thought out. You did nothing wrong, hold your head high and ignore Fussbook .

Speak for your own family mumofmadboys! Certainly not mine.

Wasn't being confrontational NanSue just putting the other side of the arguement.