I must toughen up!

How much help do they imagine really need, Opelessgran? When you have made house moves over the years, did you expect your parents to help you with it all? I do remember my parents being a bit pushy in that respect and I told them that we really ants to do it ourselves, (but thanks, anyway, of course)!
No - let them get on with it, and if DIL's parents want to exhaust themselves - then stand back and watch this space (and social media's something to be kept clear of, sometimes.... .
Get on with enjoying your course - and take care of yourself.

WANT - not ANTS!! Blame my fat fingers!

Welcome to my world Open. Doesn't help seeing messages on facebook saying how wonderful other people are either, does it? There was even a negative dig at me on DD's facebook page the other day, although I should be honoured to get a mention at all 'first time ever I think'.From the minute they were born my children have come before everything; everyone who knows me realises that they have always and will always come first, so not sure why I ended up where I am now.

Situation common I would say Opeless. My own DS had a go at me on the phone the other week about always saying what I was planning to do whenever he wanted me to have DGS at short notice, and that the 'mafia' (his word for my new friends and neighbours!) seem to take priority. True insofar as he first asks what I'm doing before telling me what he's ringing for! It's more an indication of the stress he's been under lately and I usually bite my tongue. Luckily he only lives a mile away so I walked down to see him and we had a 'chat'. All's well that ends well

You did help by looking after Gc surely your son can see helping with the move was not possible for you her parents are perhaps fitter and could and you have your own life would they cancel things for you I think a lot of this generation think they have first dabs on parents life . I soon get upset and keep telling myself to toughen up but we are what we are . It will all settle but I'm sorry you are upset hope you enjoyed your class enjoy your GC ?

I agree with 'situation normal'. Good luck Opeless

Tegan I sometimes wonder if that's where we went wrong, putting our children (and still doing so,) before everyone and everything. Other people I know that put themselves first seem to have much more appreciation for what they do for their children.

I have a cousin who loves her children and GC as much as the rest of us, but makes it very clear to everyone that she has had her turn raising children and is not about to deny someone else their turn

I absolutely ignore what I call "passive-aggressive soundbites" on Fussbook, sometimes indicating how wonderful one set of grandparents are and I make it clear I have a full life and lots of choices to make. (I learnt from my cousin).

I agree NanSue I know a woman who walked out on her husband and 4 children (the youngest being 6) and went to live with another man. Years on, the children adore her, take her on holiday and include her in everything. I imagine my DD could think of nothing worse than going on holiday with me, she includes me in very little.

I think you did really well in having the GC while the move was ongoing. What on earth would these dear children of ours do, if we were not available, or lived many miles away. I suppose that we have been very lucky. I have not had to do child care for grandchildren, and our own are very self sufficient. We had three children, two, then a big gap and then our third, so I feel as though I have had enough of parenting young ones. I love my three dearly and we are so pleased to see them, as and when, but we have a life of our own. My DH is not a DIYer, so is not asked to help with jobs around the house. I have enough to get him to do ours. I don't do FB, so what they may or not, say anout me is irrelevant. Please don't all jump on me at once. ?

I'm sure you helped greatly by caring for your DGC on the day of the move. I think too many people doing various tasks and asking "where do you want this...what will I do with that...what do you want done next?" would drive me up the wall. Too many cooks and all that!

It takes an age to settle into a new home and there will be other tasks you will be able to help with when the heavy lifting stage is over. ?

Not at all Auntieflo I think you probably have it right. We helped with our granddaughter a lot when she was younger and loved every minute of it. I sometimes feel that now our DD doesn't need us, we are forgotten about somewhat. We have a good life and we try to get on with it and enjoy ourselves

I think you might be onto something there NanSue.

I hate helping with house moves. I let the other inlaws do the first one, and paid for a team of cleaning ladies to help with the second when the new house was left grubby by the previous owners.

With other daughter I simply re-arranged her ornaments and got told off for it!

My husband's parents lived overseas and my own parents wouldn't have dreamed of helping out with DIY, moving house, cooking, housework, gardening or anything like that. When they came to stay (which was quite frequently) they enjoyed the break and had no cooking or chores to do - although my Dad helped with the washing up and my Mum would sometimes do the ironing if I was at work. They helped out with some of the child care during school holidays and we gave them money to cover costs and take the children out, have a meal, etc. I'm not sure, on reflection, that I properly expressed my appreciation as often as I should have but I certainly didn't have an expectation that they should put their lives on hold to fit in with our demands.

Opeless I think you are doing quite enough and it is unreasonable of your son and his wife to expect you to change plans that had already been made some time before. If the in-laws wish to be roped in for all these duties, that is up to them but I really think that this apparent sense of entitlement that some adult children seem to have is getting a bit ridiculous.

As others have said, I would suggest you ignore the posts on Facebook - in fact don't even bother to look at it. They are fortunate that you looked after the children and you should not be made to feel that it is your place to be available to them at all times.

Honest to God! How selfish and demanding. Families have the ability to cut to the quick.

OP sounds like you did what you could. A pity your DS is not appreciative. At least, you know you are in the right. Least said. Just enjoy the family when you see them and try not to be too sensitive. I hope you enjoyed the class.
Grannyknot, love fussbook!

Not quite sure if it's a case of 'putting themselves first' (as mentioned by NanSue) ...more a case of NOT making your grown up children your raisin d'être.

Surely it's normal to back away a touch from your offspring as they get older and have more important people in their lives,,such ad their partners and their children, and indeed their friends?

Re the OP, I can tell you're hurt by your son's remarks, but I think you already know what to do. Yes, toughen up a bit, put it behind you and I'm sure things will revert to normal quite soon, when they need you.

My attitude is that mine need me more than I need them.....

Not sure I've got a raisin de - wot she said. Apart from wanting to see the grandkids flourish. Apart from that, I just do it.

Is that bad?

What do you back away to? TBH, friends pale into insignificance in comparison.

I will hoover the floor.

I think you'd better ask that question to those who don't see much of their GC jingl - or even never see them. They must find somewhere to back away to completely.

I just back off a bit.

Hope your floor looks less mucky now?

Yes I think you know what most people will say opelessgran, we are able to have independent lives and our children should do the same. Leave them to get on with things and help where you can. Mothers have guilt as part of their psyche and it's not necessary. I keep firmly away from social media sites they are such a source of misunderstanding and conflict. Grannyknot I love fussbook as well.

Anya I decided to take my blood pressure instead. #procrastination