I want to retire

Gretel, hope this does not upset you. I think your husband is being selfish. Why should you work on because he wants to keep his hobbies? Tell him you are going to retire before your time runs out. Life is for living, not slaving away so someone else can enjoy life. Hope that does not seem harsh? I gave my OH fair warning that I was going to retire at 60 that gave him plenty of time to decide what he wanted to do. I have enjoyed doing things I have always wanted to do. I got a degree in Art History, I enjoyed helping with the grandchildren, I enjoy my garden and my hobbies of knitting and reading. I also am learning to play the piano, something I have always wanted to do. We manage and I was enjoying myself so much he decided to do the same.

As an aside I think that report was done when the government were looking at lowering the retirement age for men. When the discovered that the chances were: the earlier you retired the longer you lived someone said: holy crap, we can't afford that, keep'em working.

Hello vampirequeen, we have considered a motorhome but are more likely to have a motorhome holiday in Australia or Canada in the future.
I'm sorry to read about your dad dying young. It's so sad after a lifetime's work.

Petra, that doesn't surprise me. I think a fairly small percentage absolutely love the job that they do and they probably don't even consider it to be a job.
For most people work is a means to an end.

We have converted a Ford Transit into a campervan. It's amazing how much fun you can have for very little money by wild camping. You have to get on well because you're living in a very small space but you'll be OK because you've lived in each other's pockets for 25 years.

Perhaps you could interest him in driving rather than flying around the country.

Tell him not to hang on waiting to retire. My dad and mam saved all their lives for the things they were going to do when dad retired. At 62 Dad had a heart attack and had to take early retirement. They managed a few trips away but then Dad had a second massive heart attack and died. All that planning and saving for nothing. Seize the day. Who knows what tomorrow may bring.

There was a report done in the 80s which showed that the longer you worked the earlier you will die.

Thank you once again for all the replies. They are much appreciated.
We stopped paying into the stakeholder pensions once our adult children began paying into their own occupational pensions.
I want my husband to retire because I am stressed about his job. My job isn't too stressful. I want us to retire together.
Path20, I'm sorry to read about your mum dying at such a young age.
AlgeswifeVal my husband doesn't smoke.
rubylady We have enough savings to last until we get our pensions.
We used to have lovely holidays together. I think we have just got out of the habit of having a proper break.
ethelbag1. I think the introduction of workplace pensions is a step towards the state pension eventually being stopped or greatly reduced.

Having read the above posts I realise I am not alone, I too would love to retire. Whoever in the government that decided we should retire later was extremely ignorant of the lives of people who do hard work and need to retire to enjoy a bit of life that we have earned before its too late.

Maybe you could persuade your husband to take a holiday. If you could find someone to hold the fort for a week or two. Maybe he would get a taste for retirement from it but either way you would have a nice break together.

I don't know if anyone has suggested it but could you not do equity release on your home? That way you would have the extra for his hobbies and still get to spend your time together in retirement. for you gretel

You have to decide what you want for the next 25 years. I'll bet that once your husband decides he's had enough with working he'll stop. And he'll do it in a way that arranges life around himself and his interests. So make a plan, make several - don't delay, and don't prevaricate.

Just retire yourself! He is a grown up - so do what is best for you, he will have to do what is best for him - you are married, not yoked together regardless of your wishes .

All our retirement plans went out the window through my husbands ill health. Do it, now, retire if you can afford it. If your hubs smokes he is a ticking time bomb anyway. Think about yourself. Please do it!!!

If either of you love your work, whatever the stresses, then retirement isn't easy. The one who doesn't want to go can resent being forced to give up, however sensible it is healthwise & that can be difficult to live with too!

Tell him you've done your. Bit and say it's something you want to do I'm 56 and will not get my state pension till 66 I work in childcare and couldn't do this till I'm 66 I would be to ill to enjoy retirement as I have some health problems now which won't get any better in time. I will put the lottery on and save like mad in my small pension .
good luck to you be firm!

At some point he will have to decide to stop and to either sell the business or just give it up. If he is going to sell, perhaps he could start doing a kind of "delayed handover" for six months or a year during which he trains someone else in all the ins and outs and you teach someone else the finance and admin? He could put aside the money he gets for selling and use it to fund his flying until he is no longer fit enough to do it, and then it could be used for other things.

I do hope that your children are now responsible for their own stakeholder pensions, and that you are not still financing those at the cost of your own? They will get any money and property left over after you both kick the bucket anyway.

Please try to talk your husband round to retiring. My father was sixty seven and wouldn't retire.He had his own business and my mum worked with him.She would have loved time together to do the things they wanted as they had worked hard all their lives.It never happened. My mum died suddenly from a heart attack age sixty four. My dad continued working until he was eighty two. He didn't see the point of retiring before as he had no one to retire with.

Hi Gretel. My take? It's time to start saying no to everyone else and yes to yourself. No to 11 hour days. No to a huge garden. No to saving for your children's retirements. No to putting everyone else first and yes to yourself. What do YOU want to do with the rest of your life? None of us know how much time we have left. Sounds to me that you have been amazingly selfless up to now. Want would happen if you gave in your notice? Right now? Today?

Thank you WilmaKnickersfit. Great user name.
Monica, we have always just had a joint bank accounts and separate savings accounts with same amount in each.
We own a limited company so yes personal and business accounts are completely separate.
redagila, I hope that my husband wants to spend his retirement with me but yes he does love his flying too.
Craftycat thank you. I have read all the comments. The accounts package that I use means that the accounts can be done in a lot less time than say 20 years ago. I'm so pleased that you are enjoying your retirement.
My husband's hobby is flying small planes. He's not keen on golf but watches it on TV.

Could you not manage the accounts on a part time basis & get someone in to do admin.? I started working 3 days a week at 56 & at 60 went down to one day.
Now I am fully retired & it is wonderful. DH still has a good few years to work.Fine by us as we don't live in each other's pockets at all.
Maybe that would help but how sad it would be if you didn't get the time together if that is what you want.
I think there needs to be a bit of give & take to be honest.
You have a right to an opinion too. Maybe he could do less of his hobbies- golf I presume!

Are you sure your DH wants to spend retirement with you? Seems to me even if he retires with you, he will probably be off flying more.

I wonder how you organise your family finances. We have always had our own private accounts and both pay into a household account for all household expenditure. That way we are free to spend the money left in our account after we have paid for household expenditure as we wish.

If you had a separation of accounts, your DH, working or retired, would have to pay for his expensive hobby from his own resources in his own bank account. Whether you worked or retired, would then be a purely personal decision that would not affect his ability to fund an expensive hobbies. I do assume, of course, that business and personal finances are entirely separate.

It does sound like a difficult situation gretel and I hope you can work something out.

I am completely overwhelmed by all the replies and the fact that so many of you have taken the time to reply.
For those that have asked husband's hobby is flying a small plane. He owns a share of a plane and flies for pleasure only. I have never flown with him. I prefer big planes with more than one engine. Husband has considered teaching (he's done some lecturing) but I think that would be stressful too. We spend time walking our 2 dogs and looking after a large fruit and vegetable garden.
I do worry about the future and send sympathy to those whose retirement has not turned out as expected due to ill health. Thank you to those who have pointed out the benefits of continuing to work part time.
We did try to sell the business in 2012 but the prospective purchasers wanted my husband to stay on which I think would have been more stressful after 20 years of making his own decisions. My husband sounds a lot like gillybob's husband in not charging enough for his work but being very good at his job. I look after the personal finances and my husband wouldn't ever question me spending money on myself. We have spent a lot of money visiting my family 220 miles away every six weeks or so(for almost forty years!) until recently so that is my spending money.

I agree with mags1234. I would end up resenting my DH too and it would eat away at me. You are a better person than me accepting your DH's decision. I couldn't let the situation rest if he was putting his hobby above my feelings.

gretel the other thing to consider is your plan for the business after you retire. If you plan on selling it, you never know how long that might take.