I want to retire

My husband had three strokes, all at work, ten years ago. He was made to retire as his firm didn't want him. I was assaulted at my work and had a breakdown and couldn't go back. Neither of us was ready to retire mentally or financially but it's been the best thing. No not much cash, but he has nt had a stroke since. You never know what's ahead. In July we had a bad car smash and miraculously escaped, but the medics, police etc expected fatalities when they saw it, so no one knows how long they have. If it was me, I would prioritise your workload to things you need to do personally, get a young person in to do the phones the days you are not in, and have at least two days off a week. You re worth it! I think I would end up really resenting my man if we were in this situation, and it would eat away at myself to the detriment of my marriage. Best would be one day you re off together a week and an extra day for you. My mum and dad had a family business for years, both working in it, I do know the pressures. Good luck. In order to keep going u need time out!

Gretel put your foot down and do what YOU want to do. I let the responsibilities of my business drive me into the ground. I burnt out with the sheer hard work of 12 hour days 6 days a week and wouldn't listen to not only friends and family saying it was too much but to my own body. Eventually i sold the business thinking i'd feel much better after a good bit of r'n'r but the effect of continuous stress is really not so easy to shake off and has majorly contributed to my heart condition. Please don't be as foolish/arrogant/blinkered as me and go for it. You only get ONE! ☆

I was fortunate to take Early Retirement (at 50), DH had retired at 65 a few months before but was suffering from depression & drinking too much (this all happened long before retirement). He couldn't wait to retire, we downsized after 5 years in our large house + large garden as we were finding it difficult to manage. We moved from Middlesex (Surrey) to Somerset to be inbetween his DD & my DD, his DS had moved to Northamtonshire & my DM (in her 80s) in Yorkshire so we picked best area as we were closer to our respective DDs.

15 months after we moved DH died from Lung Cancer but we had some lovely times together, if I had carried on working I would have missed those years as I was widowed at 57, don't get state Pension until 66 (thanks David Cameron!!).

I have now re-located to Devon to be near DD, her OH & DGS.

You don't know what is round the corner gretel, your DH will not be able to continue flying if he fails medicals for any reason, wonder if he has considered that. I hope he can see some way that you can retire & enjoy some leisure time together

Gretel, You talk about our husbands hobbies, what about yours? It seems very unfair to me that your husband expects you to fund his hobbies. A few choices to suggest, harden up and just retire, getting someone else in to do your job whether your husband likes it or not. If he doesn't like it he will be more willing to meet you halfway. Or you could take £500 a month for yourself to spend or save as you please, maybe a cruise without him. Or finally you could separate your finances so that he would have to fund his own hobbies. Life is to short Gretel

Gretel - I don't think you will find many people on here who regret retiring - and you will find many who wish they had done it earlier to enjoy it before they were hit by ill health etc.

If you will forgive me saying so I think your OH is being pretty selfish to force you to continue working so he can finance an expensive hobby. There are better ways of resolving this, as has been suggested up thread.

I retired 4 months ago aged 62, living on a small NHS pension and drawing on a small private pension. It's wonderful, I can actually breathe for the first time in years. I worked full time but it was more like 60 hours a week and I seriously felt I wouldn't live long enough to get my State pension.
DH still works (self employed) and somehow it's working fine. I think your DH is being incredibly selfish, I would feel very aggrieved.

Why won't he give up his hobbies?

I haven't read all this thread so apologies if I am repeating what others have said.

If neither of you enjoy the work anymore, it doesn't make sense to keep going. I don't know what sort of hobby costs him £500 a month but perhaps if he had more leisure time he wouldn't feel the need to unwind with such an expensive hobby.

I suppose you have put all the arguments for retiring to him but it might be worth mentioning that there's no point working yourselves into the ground and possibly affecting your health to such an extent that you won't enjoy your retirement.

If the business is dependent on you working at a significantly lower rate than any replacement would expect, I think it's most unfair that you are subsidising something from which you are getting no enjoyment and a reduced amount of money compared to what a normal employee would receive.

I don't know what the answer is but I'd be inclined to say I'm retiring anyway and if you can make the business work without my subsidised ssistance that's your choice.

Gretel, what are his hobbies, may I ask?

The obvious solution is to retire and for him to work p/t to fund his hobby . Do you also draw £500pm for your hobbies ?

Sell the business and tell him to get a p/t job teaching others to fly if he can't live without his hobby!

I am long retired and although not wealthy by pooling our resources, my wife and I are able to enjoy a dept free comfortable retirement. I spoke to a friend recently about the same age and also retired, who told me that he didn't know how he found the time to go to work. So somewhere down the line Gretel there has to be some sort of compromise for the sake of yours and his health and sanity. And while I think on it £500 a month??*

I agree Gardenman99, sometimes it's working that keeps you going and fit!
For those of us who now have to work beyond 65 it isn't easy or sensible to just retire, let alone give up our luxuries at a relatively early age. What the generation ahead of ours might find horrifying I think we just accept as normal and keep chomping at the bit.
Maybe *gretel" you could set yourself an hour or so every few days to go out for lunch or coffee. Nothing will fall apart during that time and little breaks can be beneficial. I do, however, understand why your husband wouldn't want to trust the financial side of the business to someone else. It's a sensitive area.

So he is running himself into the ground so that he can fly above it for a few hours a month? Utter madness...the work will get him in the end...surely he must see that.

My husband retires this month at 58 and I plan to retire from my part time job next Christmas when I am 57. We have planned this since our mid 20s but we were not sure when we could go exactlyn. As our pension situation has become clearer then we made the decision to go earlier particularly as my dad died at 63 still working . Our company pensions will cover 2/3 of our monthly income and we have savings. State pension will be a bonus.

I think I would say to your husband you don't have expensive hobbies but you want to take things a bit easier and you will be reducing hours and taking on someone to cover you. The business will need to cover the cost and you have earned a rest. You can take £500 per month for yourself. Self employed is difficult I know but why have you worked all these years? Just to fund your husbands plane flying hobby? Time to assert your wishes now. You have saved for your children but not for yourself? Sorry to say this but you don't appear to value yourself much. Life is too short for regrets. Start to wind down now by going part time with an eventual end date. Do you take a salary out of the business just for you?

Sorry you had that news alygran ? Gretel I don't blame you for wanting to retire sounds like you have worked hard a long time it's time to enjoy yourself . My retirement asnt gone as planned due to health problems but I am glad I retired my regret is not doing it sooner best wishes .

It's just an idea but have you both thought of retiring and then your husband finding a part time job to pay for his hobbies. My husband is 66 and is just about to start a new job for three days a week. This has really energised him and means that he can go on buying books and collecting his militaria stuff. I also love my four days with him but have time for my own interests when he's at work.

My OH also has PD. This has greatly curtailed what we can do in retirement. I can see any money we have have being used for care while our friends are spending theirs on holidays. That's life! As others say, do things while you can!

I am 66 and my wife 68 I still work 7 mornings a week and my wife works with me 5 mornings a week. I love the routine of getting out of bed for the work. We have 4 one week holidays a year with family members. Before that I never had an holiday for 15 years it's only the last 4 years we started taking them. When I am on holiday I feel a bit lost but enjoy it at the same time. When back to work I am happy. I am very grateful to have the health to work. Plus the income gives us a good stranded of living that we could not afford if we were not working. Friends of ours have retired and had nothing but problems and poor health. I always say be careful what you wish for.

Maybe you could cut down on the days you work if he wants to continue to pay for his hobbies he will have to carry on .I hope you have the same amount money to spend on yourself each month. I had a similar situation with my husband when we first got married. He spend money on whatever he wanted so I sat him down and discussed how we are a team .So I took the same amount of money he spent and put it away for mad money .

What about closing/selling the joint business and your DH gets a part-time (less stressful) job that covers the £500 for his hobby. I have lost four close friends all aged around 60 in the last couple of years and all due to ill health in which stress played a large part. None of them were able to enjoy their retirement or see their grandchildren grow and have left behind lonely spouses and devastated families.

As someone up-thread suggested:

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

I suppose he wants to be young and have all his own teeth forever too ? We all want lots and have to settle for less.

Time is what you don't have, take some for yourself.

I'm 68.1/2 now and still working approximately 5-6 hours a day, but the job does involve being on call. I recall being out for a meal on a Saturday night and my starters going cold while I dealt with an important call.
My DW worries about finances and so, I now have a home office which cuts down motorway travelling and apart from hours I'm saving something like £50 a week on diesel, goodness knows how much on coffee shop coffees and snacks.
Big son has taken over the business but apparently still needs Dad to cover certain areas of the business but I have told him when the big Seven-O comes I will retire ... (in my dreams, eh! I love the job)
I guess all of my ramblings hasn't helped you much gretel

I am familiar with this scenario as I work for a similar set up, in the end the wife put her foot down, and refused to have anything to do with it, the business moved out of the home and employed a replacement for her. (It still makes a good profit). Also before I retired I worked voluntarily at a job where I was tied to being in for deliveries etc, and had to stay in during the lunch break, and took no holidays, except for two weeks when we closed. It takes its toll and there comes a point when it is not worth it.
Can you reach a compromise and retire in say 2 years time? Will the business be sold when it closes or be wound up? Most accountants/book keepers are trustworthy, and with your overseeing it, you should be able to find someone to help out, so that once they are trained you could take a break. None of us know what is round the corner, if your heart and body are saying enough, listen to it.

Get him a drone? New hobby in the same field and lots to learn about. £500 would get a seriously good one, £2000 is professional level.